Word of the Day Aug 7, 2008 @ 12:08 PM

Pre-app

Pronunciation: \ˈprē-ˈa-p

1 : the food (e.g., the chips, M&Ms) eaten while your lunch or dinner is being heated in the microwave

(Say what you will, but my word Pescatarian, used right here in this blog in Feb. '07, just got into Merriam Webster. Take that American Heritage Dictionary!)

Shake n' Bake Jul 29, 2008 @ 4:07 PM

Thanks to everyone from all over the U.S. who called in to see how we were.

We're okay, I swear.

Funny, I was just getting ready to go to lunch when I heard Sharon say, "Oh, here it goes" and proceeded to feel the building roll back and forth and watch the lights swing.

We all just stood here for the minute that it happened.

Then we went to lunch.

With, apparently, everyone else in the city, who were already standing out on the street. (Prompting the discussion: Is that really the best place to be in an earthquake?)

Happily, Reuters is reporting, "no reports of injuries, major structural damage or power outages". Happy fact, considering it's a 5.8 magnitude earthquake right near LA that took place in the middle of a workday.

Regardless, if you're working through Aquent and need assistance, please feel free to call the office and someone cheerful will help you out.

Or me, I'll help you out.

And maybe it's a good time to review the Red Cross Earthquake Safety tips (which of course, would be better if they came in the form of a coloring book).

Image courtesy of USGS.

Save Cinco de Mayo! May 5, 2008 @ 10:05 AM

Via the ubiquitous LA Taco Truck.

In case you hadn't heard, the City of LA is cracking down on taco trucks.

According to the LA Times an existing law requires trucks move every 30 minutes, but "because the fine is only $60, many truck owners view it as a cost of doing business."

New restrictions "would increase the penalty for violating the law to a misdemeanor punishable by a $1,000 fine and/or a six-month jail sentence. To soften the blow, however, she would extend the time a catering truck can be parked in one place from 30 minutes to an hour."

Apparently certain restaurant owners around town have been pressuring the city to increase the fine, because the trucks take customers they might otherwise have eating in their restaurants.

The folks at SAVE OUR TACO TRUCKS.ORG disagree, countering that "Taco Trucks are a special facet of Los Angeles, and something we don’t want to lose."

They made May 4th Taco Night LA and encouraged everyone to visit their favorite taco truck and encourage folks who love trucks to sign a petition at their site.

Never been to a truck? Visit Bandini at The Great Taco Hunt to read reviews and start salivating.

And remember, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexican Independence Day (Sept. 16th), but a commemoration of The Battle Of Puebla.

I know, I know.

Just giving you something to talk about over a round of carnitas and margaritas.

(Special thanks to Aquent's eagle-eyed Jim Feighny, who spotted this from Boston. He knew this issue was near and dear to our hearts as he attended our Taco Truck Night in '07.)

Napping with Nabokov Mar 11, 2008 @ 1:03 PM

How's this for Marketing snafus? (By way of Duh! Marketing Awards)

The Bedder Get It Together Award

Honorably awarded to Woolworths – a chain of furniture stores in Britain - for introducing "Lolita", a bed targeted for 6-year old girls. Yikes! The retailer claimed to have never heard of the famous 1955 novel in which the narrator becomes way too involved with his 12-year old stepdaughter. Really?

The lesson: Names must always be screened for negative overtones, sexual innuendo, political influences or unintended double entendres. This branding effort should have been covered up.
Wow, the retailer never heard of the movie.

Funny, they actually sell the DVD on their site.

BBC News reports Woolworths has since removed the product from their stores.

(Thanks to Deb in our office for the pass along! Flower bed image courtesy of upturned face.)

5 Stars for Baton Weilding Mar 3, 2008 @ 1:03 PM

Has the world of online ratings spread too far?

I can understand why someone would want to post and read reviews on Target's 11' King Canopy 1-Touch Patio Umbrella or Black Xhilaration Newsboy Hat, but not so much the cop who just gave out a ticket for jaywalking, public drunkenness, or failing to yield.

Which is just what the site RateMyCop.com proposes you do.

Just pull up the department who issued the ticket (LAPD for instance), the name of the officer who issued it to you, and then rate him/her on "Authority", "Fairness", and "Satisfaction" witnessed during the transaction.

After which you can also see what others are saying about said officer.

The site says their mission "is to compile information on cops’ performance and to provide a forum where users can freely share individual accounts", which is fairly honorable.
But what, exactly, is anyone supposed to do with this feedback? I'm not sure if anyone's noticed, but many of our public servants aren't exactly the most "customer friendly" of folks.

Say many of the people down at the DMV or those guys who close down major streets during rush hour to do nonessential roadwork.

And, I'd like to add, new policemen/women aren't exactly growing on trees.

I realize according to Forrester Research Research (2008) "64% of consumers reported wanting to see user ratings and reviews, based on a study of 5,000 online shoppers", but does this really spread to rating everyday interactions?

Gauging from the incredibly low number of reviews on the site (I couldn't find 1), I'm guessing not.

I'm just hoping the craziness subsides before someone puts up the RateMyDad, RateMyHusband, and RateMyCoworker sites.

Eh Tu, Peepus? Feb 26, 2008 @ 8:02 AM

They're good when they're fresh.

They're better when they're stale.

And they're best when laid on in dioramas like the Assassination of Julius Caesar and the last scene from Reservoir Dogs.

Which is why the Washington Post held their first ever Peeps Diorama Contest.

(This is a Safe For Work Site.)

Who says there's no good soft news out there?

 

(Thanks to Ryan T. for the pass along!) 

Selling Out to the Man Feb 4, 2008 @ 3:02 PM

 

Here's the question of the day:

"Who can trust the organic brand image if they all sell out?"

It's the one posed by Canada's Financial Post regarding Canada's own Lush Fresh Handmade Cosmetics' refusal to sell to bigger corporations or hedge fund managers.

They quote Mark Constantine, the brand's chief executive, commenting on the recent sale of Burt's Bees to Clorox: "You couldn't have a more dramatic difference in image from a chemical bleach company and a natural cosmetics company based on honey and bees."

They also point out other "natural" brands who have sold out in recent years, among them, Bare Escentuals and UK's Body Shop (to L'Oreal).

Of course, I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg here, but I think that's the point: Now that you know Clorox owns Burt's Bees, will it affect whether you buy the product or not?

There are, I'm sure, myriad reasons that sale happened (outlined in the NY Times article), but does that change your perception when you actually choose which brand to buy? What if Clorox told you they'd stick by the original mission of the Burt's Bees company? (Their site states: "It's a great opportunity to help us better deliver against our mission of making truly natural personal products available to everyone, everywhere.") 

Yes, it takes a lots and lots of money to expand a brand globally, but I'm not sure consumers who consider themselves "ethical" buyers really care how big their shampoo company gets.

But, then again, does a company like Estee Lauder really need them when they can turn a brand like Aveda into a global powerhouse?

I mean, does anyone remember when Ben & Jerry's ceased to be a little Vermont ice cream company? 

Did You Hear the One About the Pollish Photographer? Jan 28, 2008 @ 1:01 PM

That's not, as you may very well suspect, another of my misspellings.

The New York Times and AIGA National want you to take your camera into your polling place and record what you see.

William Drenttel of Design Observer initiated the Polling Place Photo Project in 2006, which is a "nationwide experiment in citizen journalism that encourages voters to capture, post and share photographs of this year's primaries, caucuses and general election."

Plus, if you bring a really powerful zoom lens, a way to get some early voting returns to the press.

The photos you upload will be featured here on the NY Times site.

Each photo carries with it some information about the polling place itself, such as type of polling place, ballot type, number of people in line, etc. (They're also interested if you have any feedback of what worked and what could be improved.)

Participation instructions are here.

I guess now I'll have to shave before I vote.

Dang it.

Make the Time Jan 21, 2008 @ 9:01 AM

You may think you don't have time for this today, but you do.

Instead of tuning into the repeat of Two and a Half Men, take 15 minutes to read Martin Luther King's Letter from Birmingham Jail.

Though you'll hear snippets from King's "I Have a Dream" speech on the news tonight, this letter -- "a response to eight white clergymen's public misgivings about outsiders protesting in Alabama -- remains a fount of inspiration for clergy and students of the civil rights movement," according to the LA Times (and myself).

I read this every year on this day, and never, ever, has it disappointed.

Happy MLK day!

Change the Margins or the Tree Gets It Jan 18, 2008 @ 3:01 PM

I once heard an interview with eco-celebrity Ed Begley, Jr. that he wasn't "green", he was just incredibly cheap.

On that Saving-Money-And-End-Up-Being-Green front, Tamara Krinsky came up with this idea:

Save Paper By Increasing Your Margins

Really.

Now, I'm just quoting the math here from her site (yes, you don't want me to bring out my math, do you? No, you don't...):

"According to a study done by the Penn State Green Destiny Council, reducing margins to .75" on all sides results in a total reduction of paper by 4.75%. This means that using these Efficient Margins on a ton of paper saves 19 reams of paper, which saves 1.14 trees.

So, you ask, what's the big deal? 1.14 trees don't seem like much of a tree-savings for a whole ton of paper.

So cynical! Check these numbers out - they add up fast:

In 2003, the U.S. consumed approx. 5.4 million tons of office paper. If everyone used Efficient Margins, every year we would save 6,156,000 trees.

" She has the citations and math on her site for all that, plus a calculation on how much money you'll save by changing your margins.

Here's how to do it (once again, I'm stealing Tamara's stuff):

ON PCs:

On your WORD screen, go to FILE, then PAGE SET UP.

Click on the MARGINS tab, and fill in your desired settings. Then click on the DEFAULT button (it's on the bottom of the Margins tab). You'll be offered "Do you want to change the default settings for the page set up? This change will affect all new documents based on the normal template." Click YES.

ON MACs:

On your WORD screen, go to FORMAT, then DOCUMENT.

Once on DOCUMENT, click on MARGINS and you'll be able to fill in the settings for your margins.

The problem here is, of course, you'll have to do this for every new document you create until people start telling Microsoft to build in a Paper Saving Option into their next release of Microsoft Office.

But let's stop our bellyaching about what "someone else can do to solve our problems" and just do it every time we make a new document, shall we? As Eldridge Cleaver once famously said, "You're either part of the solution or you're part of the problem".

And no, I'm not calling Eldridge Cleaver cheap.

Or Green.

Greenwashing? Gaswashing? Dec 4, 2007 @ 4:12 PM

I've been passing by the new BP gas station on Olympic for about 6 months now and for the life of me I can't figure out what the company is doing.

Here's a gas station who rents (or owns) the billboards and bus stop surrounding it, promoting messages with flowers and messages like: "Put the petal to the metal", "A little better", and "Everyone into the carpool."

I bought gas at 7pm last night and it was a bit like an other-worldly experience. A woman in a BP shirt named Rita came over, introduced herself to me, asked my name, and wondered if she could answer any of my questions. I didn't ask any (because I was about to faint from overstimulation) but...

1. What's up with the hip music pumping out of the speakers?
2. Why is there a light show going on at your gas station?
3. Why, on every monitor on every pump, is there a video talking about conserving water, gas, paper, and reducing emissions?

Lastly, what kind of gas station has really, really clean, modern bathrooms?

I've since come to learn that the whole station is a LEED certified project, which is a green building rating meaning that it meets certain criteria for "environmentally sustainable construction".

I understand the desire to create better buildings, encourage conservation, but isn't a funky, trendy, ultra-clean gas station an odd place to do it?

Daniel Gross over at Slate agreed, several years ago, that BP's environmental stand is a little crazy, as the world's seventh largest company  "generates the overwhelming majority of its $160 billion in annual revenues from the oil and gas business."

So what's driving BP? Real concern for the environment, craving for the discerning consumer, or confusing bloggers who are in dire need of petroleum?

You Know You're in the National News Oct 23, 2007 @ 1:10 PM

When your mother calls you at work.

As mine just did.

Everyone in the office is fine! Ryan was evacuated out of his house on Sunday (able to take nothing with him except his wife, two kids, and two dogs) but is able to go back today.

I'm sorry to say it's not the same for everyone in the Los Angeles and Orange County areas.

If you're an Aquent Talent and need any assistance, please call the office! (323.634.7000).

View Larger Map

 

That Ain't Rock & Roll Oct 15, 2007 @ 10:10 PM

Let's face it, sticking it to the man is really (when you come down to it) is what Rock and Roll is all about.

Then why is it, with the thousand of rock stars currently living in California, the only one musician with enough guts to stick it to the California Franchise Board turns out to be Dionne Warwick?

Yes, Ms. Warwick has made our state's annual list of top  250 taxpayers "with liened state income tax delinquencies greater than $100,000".

The diva owes our state a whopping $2,665,305.83, outdoing one Mr.Orenthal 
"O.J." Simpson who comes in at a paltry $1,435,484.17. (What's that guy up to these days, I wonder?)

Rockers, do you really mean to be outdone by the woman who sang "Do You Know the Way to San José"?

Bollocks, indeed.

(photo by s2art)

Yes, But What Pantone Number of Pink? Sep 21, 2007 @ 2:09 PM

Meri from our office passed this on: Zandt County Criminal Justice Center in Texas is painting the walls of its prison pink in hopes of making it "a brighter, soothing, more cheerful place for prisoners to reflect on their crimes", according to Sheriff Pat Burnett.

They aren't stopping there, inmates will be switching from orange to pink jumpsuits (with the exception of prison trustees, who will continue to wear black-and-white striped jumpsuits).

Why all this new love of pink you ask?

According to the sheriff the Mason County Jail, who did all this in 2005, his county's re-offense rate is down by 70 percent.

The strange thing about this? (Besides that I'm deciding to blog about it, I mean.) I'd heard this story over ten years ago, with the advent of Drunk Tank Pink rooms for violent offenders.

But the interesting fact I'd understood was that the effect pink rooms were short lived. Eventually, people get used to the color and it will have no effect on them. (I'm thinking of the garbage truck driver who, after 8 hours a day, 52 weeks a year, has to have a different sense of smell than the rest of us.)

A little searching and, sure enough, I was close...

Dr. Alexander Schauss, Ph.D., director of the American Institute for Biosocial Research in Tacoma Washington, was the first to report the suppression of angry, antagonistic, and anxiety ridden behavior among prisoners: "Even if a person tries to be angry or aggressive in the presence of pink, he can't. The heart muscles can’t race fast enough. It’s a tranquilizing color that saps your energy. Even the color-blind are tranquilized by pink rooms." (1) In spite of these powerful effects, there is substantial evidence that these reactions are short term. Once the body returns to a state of equilibrium, a prisoner may regress to an even more agitated state.

From Color Matters

There are a couple takeaways:

1) Sheriffs aren't exactly scientists
2) If you design an ad in pink, make sure people aren't going to hang it in their room
3) It's surprising no one has destroyed Angelyne's Corvette

Thanks to Meri for the pass along!

You Can Never Be Too Thin Sep 11, 2007 @ 9:09 AM

Or Too Well Connected?

In early June Adobe announced users of their Reader and Acrobat software would see a button on their toolbar which would allow users to send documents to FedEx Kinkos instantly.

Apparently, this move wasn't well viewed by every competing copy or print shop who felt Adobe was helping cut into their customer base.

John Loiacono is Adobe’s SVP of the Creative Solutions Business Unit blogged about removing the offending button, which, apparently, Adobe will do in a couple weeks.

Liz Goodgold of DUH! Marketing had this comment:

Exclusive arrangements should promote increased business for both partners, but not to the exclusion of the entire category. Imagine if Flickr, one of the largest photo sharing sites, only accepted pictures from a Kodak camera!  This is not a good promotion to copy.

I'm not sure I agree.

Since the button is a choice, it's not as if Adobe is forcing customers to use FedEx Kinkos for all their printing. Instead it just highlights a partnership between the two companies. I believe it'd be more like Flickr having a button which made downloading from Kodak cameras easier than, say, Canon or other cameras.

Regardless, I do applaud Adobe for hearing the printing industry concerns and stepping up to the plate to take the button off the next release.

Thoughts?

Million Dollar View Sep 6, 2007 @ 1:09 PM

This is a picture taken a couple days ago from our Aquent office in Sydney...

Yes, those are snipers.

All a part of the APEC (Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation) forum going on there.

Here's a few of the local headlines:

Apec’s here again - man the water cannons

Get ready for pain Sydney, APEC's coming

Sydney an APEC battleground

I guess we can stop complaining how slowly traffic is moving here now that school has started.

(Thanks, Daphne!)

Mapping the State of the Union Aug 27, 2007 @ 4:08 PM

You may have already heard about Miss Teen South Carolina, but seeing her deliver the message is another matter.

I think we found one of the folks who can't find the US on the map.

Not So Thrilled Aug 9, 2007 @ 12:08 PM

I didn't enjoy Michael Jackson's Thriller video when it first came out, so why would I like this version done by Fillipino inmates?

 

Maybe because cross dressing is funnier.

I do really have to meet the warden.

iPhone in the Nude Jul 2, 2007 @ 10:07 AM

Apparently some of those people waiting days in line for their iPhones didn't just call their friends when they got them, they broke them into pieces to see what made them tick.

According to Yahoo News: "Apple keeps a tight grip on information about parts suppliers so "tear downs" of its products are closely watched by investors keen to figure out how to place their bets. In the past, word that a particular part was being used in Apple's popular iPod music players has sent that company's shares higher."

Thus, popular Mac tech site, iFixit posted these sequential photos of two 8GB phones.

I will be posting pictures of my wife's dismantled, early model Nokia later today, if anyone is interested.

It was carefully taken apart by dropping it on the concrete.

Stay tuned!

Don't Let Bygones be Bygones Jun 28, 2007 @ 12:06 PM

And, finally, some good news about the earth...

Bald Eagles Rebound After 40 Years on Endangered Species List

How about that?

(picture by supaluminal via flickr)

They're Taking Down Names Jun 26, 2007 @ 4:06 PM

iMedia Connection's Elizabeth Catterall was on hand at the  Fourth Annual E-Commerce Best Practices Conference at Stanford where one panel tried to unravel the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) (available as a PDF here) and copyright and trademark violators.

If you like the Web, and love Law (with a capital "L") then this article is for you!

If you like the Web, but hate Law, might I suggest a Mr. T video?

That always hits the spot.

Bill Gates Retirement Plan Jun 22, 2007 @ 11:06 AM

A second "wow" hit from Microsoft for me in two weeks: a computer tabletop that interacts with your hands, WiFi enabled devices, and credit cards.

This may be old news for some of you, since this story was on Today at the end of May, but Gates unveiled his up-to-now top secret Surface device and it's fairly cool.

Not quite mind blowing, the way I felt Microsoft's Photosynth was, but still really revolutionary.

Read the story, watch the clip, let me know what you think.

Also, it's been awhile since I've watched The Today Show.

Are all their reporters really this corny?

Party Over Here. Party Over There. Jun 15, 2007 @ 9:06 AM

Sure, Google's biggest advertiser, EBay, may be a little  miffed that Google has come up with its own technology to rival PayPal.

But the real reason EBay just pulled all their ads off Google (where they get an estimated 10% to 20% of their Web traffic)?

A party in Boston.

Martin Pyykkonen at Global Crown Capital, called it a "soap opera."

Read all about it in today's LA Times! (may need to log in to see article)

Meat Well Done May 18, 2007 @ 5:05 PM

Whether you agree with the content or not, The Meatrix site certainly deserves the accolades it's been given (a Webby, SXSW Film Festival Award, Web Marketing Assoc. Award, and more).

This campaign is well tied together complete with a good looking and quick loading Flash movie with an interactive button at the end (call to action).

The whole Sustainable Table site is filled with excellent information, easy-to-understand links, great graphics, and guides you can download to your iPod.

The whole site makes the visitor ready to be a one-man/woman marketing department: posters, graphics, bumper stickers, search boxes for Websites, brochures, short blurbs, long blurbs, and a whole lot more.

And the campaign's working, too. I've gotten two viral emails from friends already today.

Check it out by clicking here.

"Reduce, Reuse, Regurgitate" May 16, 2007 @ 2:05 PM

We can proudly announce That Bit at the End is now 70% Certified Organic!

That is to say that no more than 30% of the material found in this column is pilfered from other sources like newspapers, television shows, trade magazines, or conversations we overheard in the elevator.

In keeping with the government's just released Organic Content Law of 2007, nearly every paragraph you read right here will not parody, mimic, or otherwise ape any previously spoken, written, or broadcasted observations, comments, or remarks.

Terrific news for anyone who tires of hearing the name Paris Hilton!

Under this new law, all material that is not Organic (original) in and of itself must be labeled with the percentage of material which is Non-Organic (borrowed).

What does this mean to you, the consumer? Good question!

Say you're watching a sidesplitting television sitcom and two of the characters decide to share an apartment. If those characters start to bicker and divide the apartment in half with masking tape, then the episode must be labeled as Non-Organic Comedy Material according to the new government guidelines; more so if the characters start making jokes about access to the bathroom and hallway.

That means the next time you see a plot that contains the "pretend you're my boyfriend/girlfriend/boss so I can impress my boss/parent/ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend," you will know ahead of time how much of the material will be fresh and how much of it will be borrowed from sitcoms dating back to 1952.

Also covered under this law is the first comedic impression of a politician (which will get an Organic Impression rating). Every subsequent impression of the original comedian's impression of that politician (i.e., anyone doing Rich Little's impression of President Nixon), will need to state they are working with 50% Post-Comedic Waste.

Henny Youngman routines are now outlawed.

Great news, huh?

Movies or TV shows that borrow a previously written plotline must now automatically be labeled 50% Non-Organic (for example a Taming of the Shrew storyline between two characters on CSI:Miami).

Any actor imitating another actor (for example, an actor imitating Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry) to play a scene, must expressly state the reference to the audience.

Likewise, any movie loses two Organic Points for each usage of phrases like "I'll be back" or "You had me at hello." For example, there would be a total loss of four Organic Points for an actor blurting out, "Here comes Johnny!" (impersonation of Jack Nicholson in The Shining who, in turn, was lampooning Ed McMahon). See the government's complete list of phrases at www.rehash.non-organic.gov. 

Hollywood must now cease and desist production of movies that were television shows in the 1970's.

Anyone performing The Rocky Horror Picture Show while the film is being projected above them can now be cited by the police.

Newspaper stories like "What really happened to JonBenet?" and "The Miracle Diet" will now bear the Non-Organic label due to their abnormally high Inorganic Content.

Also regulated are the Marketing expressions "New," "New and Improved," "New Packaging, Same Great Taste!" and "Wow, Did You Even LOOK at the Fat Content?"

Just so you know, the Content Law doesn't only apply to movies and journalism, our home and office lives will also be affected.

Around the office, any person using the term "bandwidth," expressing that "I'm trying to get my head around this," or threatening to "think outside the box" must mention that they are using Non-Organic Material.

Similarly, anyone asking a coworker ,"Whassup?!"

E-mails that have been forwarded but not read because the sender was too lazy to read them must now be labeled "Secondhand Material â€" Contents Unknown."

Fines will also be issued to any American citizen knowingly forwarding an amusing e-mail after removing the "FW:" subject heading. (The law states, "FW: e-mail heading may not be removed except by the consumer under penalty of law.")

In our own homes, anyone who asks if "I look fat in this," says something was "so last week," or pronounces "I'm not too drunk to drive" will be fined or (in the latter case) imprisoned.

Grudges will now be considered 50% Non-Organic, old grudges 70%, and fond memories a full 85%.

Embellishments of old stories will be discounted two Organic percentage points for each infraction thereof.

Déjà vu will be handled on a case-by-case basis.

Religious exclusions to the law include recitations of the Torah, Bible, and Koran and whatever it is that guy is doing on Venice Beach with candles and an altar.

Who says too much government is bad?

But back to us.

We're still exceedingly happy to announce that a full 70% of what you read right here is and will continue to be the freshest, most unsullied content available.

On the other hand, the other 30% is probably still going to be rehashed pap.

"In a Family Way" May 9, 2007 @ 4:05 PM

To: The Entire Company
From: Your CEO

Having returned from what could be the most energizing seminar of my life, I am asking each one of you to sit down and take a moment to read this short memo on our new company vision.

I spent last week in Sonoma with executives from top Fortune 500 companies to attend Dr. Ben David's seminar based on his best-selling book, "Prodigal Won: Putting Family Back into America's Corporations."

As I sat listening to Dr. David, I realized that as CEO of Thatcher & Sons, my company, if any, should reflect a family and not a corporate philosophy.  I mean a FAMILY name is our company name!

How many times had I said "hi" to Nancy at Reception (or whoever that is now)  and looked, I mean really looked at the family name which graces our ornate lobby in travertine marble letters?

Probably not since I waltzed in here the day after the hostile takeover.

So I got to thinking about this Thatcher person and his sons, wherever they may be now, and how I can bring a little more family back to this company.

Now before you go bellyaching that I'm going to cut your bonuses and 401(k) matching deposits again, I'm asking you to listen.

Why? Because, as CEO of this company, I am much like a father, the leader. It's my vision that gives us all direction. It's my leadership that tells us why we're doing what we're doing. And it's me who says we're not stopping at a lot of crappy outlet malls on the way to grandma's house.

The first thing I want to introduce is our new Family Vacation Policy. Thatcher & Sons has always been generous with our two-week vacation policy. And nearly everyone here takes his or her vacation, like most Americans, during the month of August. So it probably won't be a big stretch for all of us to take our vacation days at the same time.

Or in the same location.

Yes, I'm speaking of my private acreage in Missoula, Montana. As a new corporate family, we should spend more QUALITY time together, don't you think? And while vacationing on my property doesn't include access to my Jacuzzi or my 2,000 sq. ft. private bathroom, there is plenty of elbow room for every family in this company to stake their claim, put up the tent or RV, and have a rip roaring good time out on the range!

Can't you just smell the BBQ?

By the way, people, this is not optional. You will go on vacation with us or you will not go at all.

Secondly, from now on we will be eating lunch TOGETHER. Yes, no more, "wait until I finish this" or "I'll eat at my desk." When it's lunchtime I want you in the Dining Room, pronto!

If we're going to be a family, we have to start acting like one. Like my Dad used to say, "The family that drinks together..." well, that's not quite the expression, but I think you know where I'm going with this.

Our architects are already working on plans to convert our entire office space into a great big House: Family Room, Living Room, Kitchen, etc. by the end of 2007. All departments will be moved to different parts of our House as each section is completed.

What's that mean to you?

Well, it means if you're in Sales, get ready to bring your laptop, put on your sweats, and hit the Barcalounger to get some serious work done in the Family Room!

And if you are in Accounting, you will probably want to get used to the smell of cat litter.

Starting next week, we will also be dividing up all employees into Age Categories according to how long you've "lived" here.

Here's a general example: If you have been here 5 to 7 years, you will be considered a Teen. As a Teen you will now be able to dress for work however you want. You may also listen to your iPod wherever the heck you want, meetings included. However, the older members of the family ("Young Adults", "Step Brothers/Sisters", and "Grandparents") will be able to yell at you at any time for being the sloppy, cranky, resentful, smart-mouthed, good-for-nothing freeloader that you are.

Make sense?

All other Age Categories will be posted in the Dining Room on Monday.

What a great reason to stick around!

(As I side note, when I get "Home" I expect to be listened to. I do not want bickering or infighting. If I wanted that, I would've stayed at home with my own family.)

Under the new restructuring, it should make perfect sense that dating any other family member is nothing less than revolting and will not be tolerated. Any of you sickos already having a relationship with a sibling or parent will be sent for counseling immediately.

Though the data isn't in quite yet, companies who've initiated this sort of change have shown a whopping profit margin of over 300%! (Though some naysayers have pointed out that staff resignations are simply lowering overhead costs.)

This is just the beginning people. Soon we'll be driving to work together in the company mini-vans, picnicking, debating over what to put on the hold music, asking people in the bathroom, "Are you done yet?", borrowing each other's clothes without asking, doing chores, and just so much more!

Sound exciting? I hope so!

If it doesn't...

Tough toenails.

My family, my rules.

When you have your own family, you can do whatever the hell YOU want.

So Much for My Book Report May 8, 2007 @ 10:05 PM

Okay, dang.

This is the current view out my front window:

Sorry about the terrible shot.

I got home at 5 today and saw what I believed would be the last of the Griffith Park fire, only to watch it get worse and worse from my neighbor Dave's lawn. (He writes for E.T.'s site, if you're at all interested.)

My wife, Dave, me, and all my neighbors stared across the freeway and LA River as this massive wildfire just raced down the hill. We're okay, we're on this side of it, what we're concerned about is all those folks living on the other side, and it being 10:30pm and the fire only being 30% contained.

As of now, the only thing that's been damaged in the massive park (bigger than NY's Central Park) is Dante's View and part of a bird sanctuary. But the night is early. Hopefully, by the time I get up, the firemen from all over Southern California will have done their amazing work and it will be over. Though it's not looking good for the rest of the fire season as this is one of the driest years on record.

In the meantime, it looks like it's going to be a long night of helicopters and sirens.

A fair exchange if you ask me.

(Post Script: Here's a better picture from my neighbor. Be sure to check out her and her boyfriend's beautiful work on their Flickr site)

Wham Bam, Thank You Ma'am! May 7, 2007 @ 4:05 PM

I've officially found the funniest Widget.

Though it's not such a laughing matter that Houston has that most accident-prone light rail system in the world (almost 20 times the national average according to the ActionAmerica Web site), but creating a widget that counts the accidents is not only hilarious, it might just cause the city of Houston to do something about it.

For the good of society maybe someone can create widgets counting how many times Paris Hilton breaks her parole or (just for fun) Adam Carolla cringes when Danny Bonaduce opens his mouth.

The widget is available here on Apple's site.

Direct Hit for Direct Mail? May 2, 2007 @ 1:05 PM

This story in The New York Post cites that lawmakers are introducing 15 bills in 13 states that would "create some sort of 'do not mail' registry". That's according to their chat with the Direct Marketing Association.

I'm not sure if they're overstating the case, DM News says it's four 'do not mail' bills in three states, according to their interview with Jerry Cerasale of the DMA, but still this may be worth watching, even though the bills seem to be moving slowly and the one in Colorado was recently killed.

Though it may seem like an odd marriage, the U.S. Postal Service is one of the do not mail registry's biggest opponents, arguing that their profits would be "devastated without the revenue from ad-related mail", according to the Post.

Smart move, as the number of direct mail pieces sent last year (including catalogs) was up 15% from 5 years ago, and estimated $59.6 billion dollars.

Then again, what if savvy marketers used that money to pay off part of the national debt? Maybe opting for a branded piece of the White House or something?

Just a thought.

Stopping Climate Change Apr 25, 2007 @ 8:04 AM

In the wake of Earth Day, I've been catching up with some recent articles, blogs, and podcasts on the subjects of climate change, carbon footprints, conservation, and the like.

I just got done listening to Chris Goodall, author of How to Live a Low-Carbon Life: The Individuals Guide to Stopping Climate Change and Bill McKibben, author of Deep Economy: The Wealth of Communities and the Durable Future and heard some interesting facts.

One, though we Americans aren't talking about tightening our belts when it comes to stopping climate change (gasoline use was recently up 5%, even with the high prices), that's what the Europeans are concentrating on: conservation. The odd thing? A European uses half the energy the average American does, according to McKibben.

When asked what was the most important thing you could do to reduce your carbon footprint, the answers were:

1. Making sure your house in properly insulated
2. Turning down the thermostat in the winter
3. Not traveling by airplane
   

Yes, that last one came as a surprise to me. Goodall's reasoning can be found here on his site.

Goodall and especially McKibben stressed while you should act locally, if you really care about doing something about climate change, you're going to have to make sure you are heard by our government. Apparently the lobbyists are trying hard to convince them there's nothing to worry about.

While you're working on your carbon emission reduction, be sure to check out the rebates offered by LA County utility companies here.

Look Before You Leap (So Much for Ethanol) Apr 23, 2007 @ 4:04 PM

Even though we're heard a lot of talk about ethanol being a silver bullet for all our oil-bred woes (reliance on unstable countries for oil, rampant pollution), atmospheric chemist Mark Jacobson at Stanford University has been more than a little suspicious, knowing that air quality got worse during Brazil's big ethanol push in the 1970s.

Turns out he should be.

According to his recent report (downloadable): "Switching to E85 blends (85% ethanol, 15% gasoline) could result in slightly higher ozone-related mortality, hospitalization, and asthma (9% higher in Los Angeles and 4% higher in the U.S. as a whole), the study finds. Cancer rates would be similar for gasoline and E85."

Maybe we should slow down a bit before rushing into the Brave New World, huh?

(More of the topic is discussed in this Environmental Science and Technology article.)

And please don't think that guy driving around in her/his biodiesel Mercedes is saving the world, either. When Jacobson was on NPR's Science Friday he cited studies showing that all diesel vehicles are much dirtier than gasoline powered ones. Even the ones burning veggie oil.

No, I didn't mean to depress you so soon after Earth Day.

Would it help if I let you know that Jacobson's recommendation for alternately powering vehicles was by batteries charged via wind/solar energy?

Or that the best way to double your gas mileage is to carpool?

I leave you with this happy, green, and easy-to-do item:

If every US home replaced just one light bulb with a compact fluorescent one, "we would save enough energy to light more than 2.5 million homes for a year and prevent greenhouse gases equivalent to the emissions of nearly 800,000 cars."  (source EnergyStar)

Better?

It's Going to Be One Hell of a %$# Christmas Mar 29, 2007 @ 11:03 AM

I hadn't heard about bait cars until I was listening to this story on NPR this morning.

Police departments all over the US and Canada are placing wired, remote-controlled vehicles in theft hot spots, then are alerted the moment thieves break in and drive them away. The police then track the vehicles by GPS, pursue them, then knock out the engine by remote control. The whole thing is caught on videotape and used as evidence in court.

I stopped watching COPS years ago because I'm not crazy about watching the sordid lives of creepy people (which is the same reason I don't watch Dancing With the Stars).

And just as these kids below predicted, it was probably a really bad Christmas.

(Warning, this video contains drug use. And worse language than you may be used to. Depending on where you work.)

If you go over to YouTube and the Bait Car Web site, you can see tons of these. Probably the saddest, crazy one is this video with a meth addict stealing an SUV. It is crazy scary.

"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" Mar 14, 2007 @ 12:03 PM

People are always asking me (enough people that I would actually comment on it), "How in the world did you ever become a Thousandaire?"

It's quite humorous, actually, because the steps are so easy and yet so elusive to most people.

Save as they try, many people can't manage to save $100 in their bank accounts, much less ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

What would you do if you had a cool $1000 sitting pretty inside your bank's secure vault?

* Order that Big Grab-sized chips next time you're ordering a sandwich at the deli?
* Pick up that Creedence Clearwater Revival CD you've been dying to get your hands on?
* Smile the next time someone asks you if you're FINANCIALLY SECURE?

Let's face it, wealth has its privileges!

If you follow the simple advice outlined in my book and companion DVD "The Enlightened Thousandaire" today, then you could have ONE THOUSAND big ones earning 2% in your bank as soon as July 2007!

How? You'll have to just order and find out. But to whet your appetite, here are just a FEW of my secrets to saving money:

* How to have Starbucks coffee every morning ON THE HOUSE! (hint: they only use their grounds once!)
* How to say NO to costly and unnecessary personal items such as deodorant and underwear.
* How cutting your own hair using scissors, bowl, and pocket mirror, can save you HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS a year.
* Day old bread is a bargain, but what about week old bread? Many times it's absolutely FREE!
* How to save big on lunches by growing nutritious vegetables right at your office desk!
* You say ratty old bed sheet, I say brand new tablecloth and matching napkins!

I'd better stop before I give away the whole farm!

After completing my "Enlightened Thousandaire" training, you'll be clued in on everything from foraging in the urban landscape and "retreading" sneakers to home hog butchering and pilfering electricity from neighbors' outdoor outlets.

If you're ready for an adventure, climb aboard!

Order "The Enlightened Thousandaire" before April 1st and receive a free coffee mug! (Company logos on coffee mug vary)

Imagine, no more lying awake all night wondering when you'll be able to finally afford a mattress. No more wasting your time with get-rich-quick schemes that promise "the system does 98% of the work" or "takes as little as one hour per day" (as previously authored by my ex-wife Julie Travney and myself).

This is an honest to goodness, down-to-earth guide on how to make money by not spending it from your bank account.

It does not involve multi-level marketing, selling lotions, vitamins, or going door-to-door asking for bus fare (as previously suggested by my ex-wife and myself). This is the only guaranteed* way to have ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS safe in the FDIC institution of YOUR choice!

Why are you waiting? Why are you sitting there?

Stop reading this and order by clicking HERE.

Thank you!

Click the link!

There's nothing more to say down here, I'm just filling out space for the Web site to make it look busier.

Go up and click the link!

Click it!

Stop reading!

I'm telling you there's just a Web page counter down here and a picture of a palm tree on a deserted beach (not really my cup of tea, but my ex-wife suggested it).

Click the link!

Click it!

Thank you.

And stop reading.

Nothing down here.

(*Savings not guaranteed by author, publisher, nor the author's ex-wife. Total cost of The Enlightened Thousandaire book, DVD, free coffee mug, and priority shipping and extra-special careful handling of merchandise $998.45. Thousandaire, LLC not related to Millionaire, LLC, nor liable for lawsuits currently pending against Millionaire, LLC or its subsidiaries. Content checked and approved by the California Department of Corrections.)

See?

"Get a Second Life" Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:03 AM

(We received this viral e-mail the other day. Aquent has no affiliation with this company or its product.)

Long time no talk!

I wanted to tell you about a game that's changed my life. Really!

After a long day at work I find there's nothing better than coming home and sitting down at my computer to play a few relaxing hours of Third Life, LLC (tm).

Haven't heard of it?

Well, if you like WORKING in corporate America, then you'll love PLAYING in it!!

A 3-D virtual world that really puts you inside the world of a dynamic corporation, Third Life, LLC is nothing more than a lifesaver for today's exhausted employee.

My character (called an avatar) is named Gwen. I've been playing for awhile, so I've made it out of the mailroom and landed a middle management role in a little-known branch of this huge multi-national conglomerate.

As Gwen I get to interact every time I play with a variety of fun characters:

Mr. Campbell, CEO. He either can't remember my name or is calling me up to his office to chew me out. Sometimes I have to turn down the computer's speakers or my husband comes in wondering what the heck is going on!

Jimmy, the Mail Guy. He has my old job and is the "newbie" in the department. He just loves to invent excuses so he can take Fridays off and go snowboarding up in the mountains!

Paul and Mary in Accounting. If I lose an invoice or don't have the correct P.O., I have to cross the Pit of Despair to go see them. Believe me, it's no picnic!

Unmarried Guy. He doesn't have a name, but he doesn't need one. His avatar is a giant roving eye that wanders the hallways looking to strike up conversations with attractive women. Watch out for him during the office Holiday party!

June. She has the desk right by mine. Realistic? She even has a little digital clock that counts down the minutes to her retirement!

Julie, my assistant. She's just become engaged to someone else in Third Life and spends a lot of her time writing out her married name over and over again on a legal pad. ("Julie Dawn Markowitz", "Julie D. Markowitz", "J.D. Markowitz"...)

What's so great about Third Life, LLC  is that other people out there in "First Life" are controlling what each one of the characters does. So when Jimmy ended up putting my documents in the shredder instead of the copy machine out of spite (I let his boss know he wasn't taking care of his ailing mother, he was actually snowboarding), it was eerily real!

There are just so many realistic features about this on-line world:

When my avatar Gwen goes to parties, she always has to explain what she does at the company, what her department does, and where she's located on campus.

And every time Gwen goes "home" she has to tell her family what it is she actually does for a living and how to pronounce her company's name.

Even the office plants on everyone's desks are dead!

Whoa! Is this reality or virtual reality?!

I told my husband I can't wait to get to the next levels inside Third Life so I can participate in super realistic scenarios like "Nasty Corporate Takeover", "Head Count Freeze", and "What Happened to My 401(k)?!"

I tell you, after a few hours of Third Life, LLC , I'm ready to get some shut-eye, then get up for another exciting day at the office!!!

See ya!

Jane