Have you noticed that Merriam-Webster's Dictionary is woefully impractical when you're looking for a word that doesn't exist?
Say a word like "alcohesion", a term which perfectly describes the phenomenon of a napkin sticking to the bottom of your Scotch on the rocks.
Or "wordnesia", the psychological state in which your mind thinks that the word you've just written down correctly appears to be misspelled (then have to go around the office asking people, "Is that how 'throughout' is spelled? Doesn't it look weird?")
Certainly the French might be able to help out here, as it was they who brought us words for indescribable stuff like "deja vu" and "fois gras".
In the 80's these words were called Sniglets. But the problems is, they never made it from the hit TV show Not Necessarily the News, into an English language dictionary.
As a result, almost no one uses them.
Except those people still listening to Duran Duran and lamenting the demise of leg warmers and Sergio Valente jeans.
But how much easier would our lives be if we did!
Words like "diffusevator", a physics term describing what happens when one person leaves an elevator and everyone else has to fill in the now empty space. And "disconfect", the act of sterilizing a piece of candy dropped on the floor by blowing on it, based on the belief that someone can blow bacteria off an object.
Picture a mom who can accurately use the term "disconsibulate" to describe what happens when she tries to yell at one of her kids, but for some reason has to go through the list of all her kids' names first. ("Renee, Sandy, Rick... BOBBY, GET OVER HERE!!")
Imagine the comfort you'd feel just knowing the existence of the word "doHoover." Just knowing other people are using the same word to describe the act of running a vacuum over the same won't-be-sucked-up piece of fuzz again and again, you'd know you're not the only one who refuses to put the vacuum down and pick it up by hand.
The same for "furnindents", those indentations that appear in carpets after a piece of furniture has been removed.
Imagine what a better place the world would be if we had terminology for those little black boxes in the right-hand corner of bill envelopes which tell you exactly where to put the stamp ("idiot boxes"). Or one that describes the gunk that collects around the spout of a ketchup bottle ("catsglup"). Or names those grill marks on a grilled steak ("sirlines").
Okay, maybe not the kind of world improvement at the level of sliced bread or Post-its, but certainly better than inventions like the "crossover" SUV and high-fructose corn syrup.
Considering the number of words no longer used in everyday English language such as "mactation" (killing of a sacrificial victim, hardly ever used nowadays) or "throat-pit" (the depression between collarbones where they meet the breastbone), there certainly seems to be a void where those words used to be.
Why not fill that space with words we can actually use every day?
If we wish to keep the English language alive, it's the only choice we can make.
And after that...
Brunch!
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