"Murder, LLC"

To: Inmate 6654097
New York State Penitentiary

Hey Uncle Lou,

I got a couple minutes before my next meeting, so wanted to write ya.

I got some time because that stupid Frankie Two Shoes is yappin' at Loretta Stefano in Finance when he shoulda been in my office an hour ago. Just chewing the fat. If he ain't done in five minutes I'm going to rat him out.

Frankie ain't changed. But you know what, Lou? A lot's sure different since you was out here.

Ever since the Family up and went public last year and got itself a Board of Directors, it's like nothing's easy anymore, ya know?

I'll give you a for instance: Say you wanna go out an whack someone. Used to be you'd talk to the Capo and it'd be a done deal. Now you gotta fill out all this paperwork with three copies, then deliver all them to different departments, yadda, yadda, yadda...

You even gotta sign this Body Removal Form before you go out on the hit.

Marone!

Or you want a new highlighter. Fuhgettaboutit. They make you fill out some 41 stroke B slash C form or something, then you gotta get it approved by Mickey Dice up in Operations.

Yeah, that Mickey Dice. In Operations!

And Mickey don't even buy brand name highlighters! He gets those cheap yellow ones that run out in a month.

'Cause of that, now the guys are trying to get ME to take the fall for some money supposed to get laundered at that Chinese take-out place on 5th Street, but ended up in some stupid tax sheltered account. Like it's my fault!

Hey, you don't want goof ups, tell that goomba to buy some decent highlighters.

Everyone's changed around here.

Johnny Blue Eyes is taking some kinda Pilates class and Rocco V.'s tryin' to get everyone to do this office yoga crud. People stopped eating at Nino's down the street 'cause "Italian food's too fatty." Half of our soldiers are on the South Beach Diet!

Even good old Vito Cabrini has started grumbling that I ain't been routing my documents right.

Holy Spumoni, Lou, I helped make his brother and him both!

And the guys are getting sloppy, too. If you got a look at Vinny's outfits on Casual Fridays, you would spit your pasta fazool right outta your mouth.

I ain't even mentioned nothing about Benny (Uptown Benny, not Chicago Benny). The gavone messed up a hit last week because he used the carpool van 'stedda his own car.

I tell ya, they're laughing at us clear across town.

Lou, you know PERSONALLY that I got into this Family for the action, right? Not sit at a desk and file a bunch of stupid reports. And go to meetings. Meetings! We got meetings before meetings. Pre-meetings, they call 'em.

They got us reading books like "Who Moved My Cheese" and "Good to Great". Hey, if we want to go from good to great, all we gotta do is whack the right people.

"Goodfellas to Greatfellas", now THERE'S a book I'd read.

I been eating Pepto Bismol like candy, my stomach's such a mess.

I think being in jail is the probably best thing that coulda happened to ya.

It's making me sick, Lou.

Couple months ago I started thinking about chucking it and turning State's evidence, ya know?

I really did.

But if I up and did, what the heck would they do with my 401(k)?

Talk at ya later,

Cheech

KC/td

Dictated but not read