It's MIDTERM and TAX time again, that stressful season that brings out the worst in many of us.
If the anxiety associated with these large tasks drives you into exaggerated, highly distressing, and persistent thoughts, compulsions, or repetitive, ritualistic, and unproductive behaviors, make sure to stop by your local UNWELL WALLY'S discount superstore, because we're your...
98 CENTS OR LESS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE HEADQUARTERS!
Whether you're looking for enough aluminum foil to cover your windows (2 for 98 cents) or just need something to help check out that suspicious new neighbor (Mr. Peepie's Spy Telescopes are just 98 cents each), don't even THINK of blockading yourself in your home without visiting UNWELL WALLY'S first!
Unlike those large Club stores, the friendly and thrifty UNWELL WALLY'S staff can help find everything you need to help you cope when the going gets anxious.
Germs got you down? We've got row upon row of disinfectants, cleansers, mops, brooms, and everything else you can use to really get your house absolutely immaculate before you tackle those heinous long-form documents.
Compulsive hand washer? We've got you covered with our wide assortment of mild liquid hand soaps, available in both scented and unscented varieties. So easy on the hands, you may even decide to soak in it!
Only a store with our massive volume buying power is able to bring you the exceptional Fone Call Recorder at just 98 cents!!! Was that an alien disguised as a telephone solicitor? Record every word the caller is saying by simply writing it down on this handy lined yellow pad! Is your phone tapped? Write down the number of clicks you hear every time you call, then tally them up at the end of the day! Over 100 sheets per Fone Call Recorder pad!
Will the library track you down for that book you checked out six years ago? Has your mother been kidnapped by CIA operatives? Seems like these subjects ALWAYS come up when you're trying to find receipts or deciphering the notes you took in Geology 101. The answer's just a phone call away with our inexpensive ready-to-charge phone cards at a ridiculously low 77 cents each!
Light switches wear out fast when you turn them on and off repeatedly, so replace them quickly and safely with our 3 for 98 cents LiteSafe brand switches and 98 cent screwdriver set. Just remember to turn the fuse off first!
Never ask yourself again whether or not you left the oven on with our 2 for 98 cents pliers. Ideal for taking knobs off stoves and removing on/off switches from coffee pots, irons, and much, much more!
And speaking of more, check out these other UNWELL WALLY'S bargains!
* Collecting newspapers? We've got miles and miles of string to help keep those stacks from toppling over on you!
* Take a break from ritualistic counting with our handy autoMiniCalc calculators (1 for 98 cents each)!
* Do yourself a good "turn"! All doorknobs are just 3 for 88 cents, so pick up an entire case! Perfect for ritualistic knob turners and anyone who doesn't like the feel of dirty doorknobs!
* Nothing says fanatical perfectionism like giant rubber erasers, and we've got 'em by the truckload, 20 for just 98 cents!
You'd be CRAZY to pass up bargains like these!!!
But hurry down, because at prices like these, everything will be flying out the door!
(Not literally, all objects will remain on shelves during sale.)
Got O.C.D.?
Get to UNWELL WALLY'S ASAP!!
And don't forget us after TAX and MIDTERM season are finally over, because we're also your...
98 CENTS OR LESS MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER HEADQUARTERS!
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