"For He's Jolly Good Fellow"

To: all@levinsonco.com

From: Frank Frankerson

Subject: My Departure

Hello all,

It is with great regret that I announce the continuation of my employment here at Levinson & Company.

Though work here is thankless and grueling on most days, I have come to the conclusion that it would be much more challenging if I left.

For starters, what would I do to make money?

That was my wife's first question.

And a darn good one, too.

In fact, the more I considered it, the more I agreed with her that if I left the company I would no longer receive checks.

A quick call to Simon in Payroll confirmed that fact.

And just in time.

I would like to thank the many of you who suggested that it would be easier around here without me.

A good idea, but as with many good notions, it looked better on paper.

Though I am, in fact, not fond of my current position as Sub-Junior Supplier here at the company, it appears it will have to do for now. Which looks like tolerating a few more years of being passed up for promotions and the long three-flight walk down to my office in the basement.

Until I win the lottery, of course.

Just joking.

If I did win the lottery I'd still come in for a couple months and pretend to work and mouth off and until they fired me. Why not? I could probably still get good severance pay.

Until that day, though, you'll be seeing me right here on Level 3C, right between the broom closet and the boiler.

While I have your ear, though, I would like to thank those of you who have made a difference in my work here at Levinson & Company.

I'd like to express gratitude to John for his jokes and his good-natured ribbing while I was under his desk trying to retrieve my mechanical pencil. It really brightened up my week to hear someone laughing that hard. Ditto to Celia D. who brought my misrouted mail down to me. A month later. Thanks also to Carlos for telling me that shirt tag was out. While I have the chance I'd like to thank the good people at Lea & Perrins for their delicious Worcestershire sauce.

I won't go into saying how much I will miss those staff brown bag lunch meetings or the Monday morning "gab fests" around the coffee machine as I was going to do in my "Farewell, Suckers!" e-mail, as now I will be here for them.

Guess I'll just save that e-mail for a later date.

I did also want to ask each of you to replace the items taken from my desk during the last week and a half while the rumors of my resignation were floating around. These items are: tape dispenser, Babe Ruth coffee mug, picture of my wife and children, my Levinson & Company 10th anniversary bobble head doll, a dying phalaenopsis orchid (and planter), and the pellet gun I kept in my drawer to fend off rats.

I will be at lunch today from noon to 1pm, so you can return said pilfered items with relative anonymity.

Guess that's all for now.

It's been great working with you all these years, and I look forward to keeping in touch with many of you, as my e-mail account and phone extension will be exactly the same as last week.

Don't forget about me just because I'm in the basement.

See you all.

Frank

Whoever left this "pink slip" on my desk yesterday, forget about it.

I'm staying.