Tim Donnelly: April 2009 Archives

Yes, the Direct Marketing Association's DMA09 Conference & Exhibition just announced that its keynote speaker will be none other than Martha Stewart.

Yes, this Martha Stewart.

 

Someone who took good taste and homemaking and turned it into the uber colossal Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc. Let's face it, no small feat.

Which would make her a compelling figure to hear how she pulled all that off. (Or selling her brand at Kmart without losing her high-end cachet).

I mean going from a nobody to a face everyone in America recognizes, the woman must be a marketing genius.

You're in luck if you live in SoCal, the conference is in San Diego.

All the info right over here.

(Right by the tasteful sconces...)

Attn: Editorial and Subscription Depts.

It is with great regret that I write you today to cancel my subscription to your publication.

I have been a faithful subscriber to your periodical since I was a young boy (as my brother and sisters had been before me), but I can no longer find it in my heart or wallet to read what has come to pass for "literature" from your staff month after month.

You may consider this letter my official cancellation notice. Please refund the money for the remainder of the year's subscription as a check sent to my home address.

While I do have your ear, I would also like to take the opportunity to point out just a few of the many inconsistencies and poor journalistic practices which have led me to this heartbreaking decision. Perhaps in considering my suggested improvements, you could find it in yourselves to raise the bar for your magazine's standards back where it belongs. I am sure you will discover increased readership as a result.

Following herein are my notes for improving your publication.

Thank you for your time.

In Issue #335, the SEEK & FIND on page 11, is woefully outdated. You beg the reader to find five erroneous articles in your illustration of the farm. I found 50. The pigs are being fed out of a wooden trough (not corrugated metal), the chickens roam free range instead of being penned by the hundreds in a giant henhouse, and the old John Deere-style tractor depicted hasn't been used on a family farm since the 1960's! Has anyone in your office even visited a farm? Maybe if they did, they'd find modern farms are run more like corporations than this one you've chosen from the Walton's day.

In Issue #263, pg. 24, the dichotomous DOOFUS & VALIANT are at recess wondering whether they should heed Tommy Hillcrest's advice to shun the new boy, Billy Wolthrop. Hmmm, haven't we seen this before? Yes, we did indeed, in Issue #47, pg. 13! The only alteration I see is in the style of clothes the children are wearing. Other than that, this is indeed the same plot verbatim!! You may remember the hot water that advice columnist "Dear Abby" got into when she reprinted the same columns years later. Just a word to the wise... (I have, in fact, over 300 new plots for the strip on my DOOFUS & VALIANT fan Web site, should you be interested.)

Though the TIMBERBOOTS remains a house favorite, the plotlines and character development arcs have become mournfully lax in recent issues. Pa and Ma have been married for well over 40 years, yet we know little about the nature of their relationship. Have we ever heard them reflect upon the cold, hard fact that their family is completely made of wood? Do the TIMBERBOOTS children suffer from being different from other children? What are their thoughts and opinions on the lumber industry? Your team of writers has a myriad of storylines at their doorstep, yet they continue with the safe and familiar: Pa's latest inventions and family disagreements like who ate the last of the jelly.

Am I wrong in assuming that your JUMBLED WORDS section just keeps getting easier?

The FLANNERY TWINS continues to dumbfound me each month with its glaring errors and outrageous inconsistencies. In Issue #254, pg. 33, Flopsy informs Mopsy that their teacher, Mrs. Smith, is absent because Mrs. Smith's mother is ill. Pardon me?? The children's teacher is named "Mrs. Walker" as indicated in Issue #133. And Mrs. Walker cannot be visiting her sick mother, she passed away in Issue #28. This inaccuracy is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Many times the door to the twins' bedroom opens inward, other times outward; the chimney switches from right to left wantonly, sometimes in the same strip; and since Issue #310, their neighbor's house was replaced by an empty field!! Your band of illustrators and writers may very well be sending thousands of young children into psychotherapy well before they hit puberty!

Are your book selections always going to favor the Caldecott and Newbery Medal winners? Yes, your writer can do a quick look on the Internet for recent winners, but one would hope the man would actually go to a library to do some research.

I chipped a tooth recently performing your magazine's science experiment (Issue #359, pg. 12). I hope in the future you will warn your young audience that spinning around in circles until you experience dizziness may be unsafe if performed too close to a staircase.

As difficult as it may be for such a drastic change, I beg you to not anthropomorphize animals as you have since your magazine's inception. Try explaining to a young child why the illustrated bear on page 6 is wearing a shirt and tie and sitting at a dinner table while the real bear in the photo on page 24 is eating a live salmon. Try explaining it to your elderly mother. The plain fact is, a smart publication should practice caution before printing anything that could lead a child (or elderly adult) to set up a snack-laden picnic table for bears in Yosemite National Park. (A one hundred dollar fine, by the way.)

On a personal note, I have sent over two hundred illustrations into your publication, and I have yet to see one reproduced in your Kidz Korner. Do your illustrators feel intimidated? Remind them that it is competition that breeds excellence.

You may reach me for further comments via my previously mentioned fan site.

Should you need editorial assistance, as luck would have it, I am in between positions at the moment, and would welcome the opportunity to help out the youth in our country while picking up some extra cash.

Sincerely,

Jim Simons, PhD

In our second annual SEEing Green Conference we'll explore how brands can move beyond green by widening the way we think about design.

You'll learn new ways of approaching sustainability for designers and their clients. We will discuss business strategy, best practices for responsible design and production (without compromising aesthetic and cost), and methods to create informed and relevant brand positioning.

AIGA Members: $45

Details here.

Renowned media consultant and former CNN correspondent Mark Bernheimer offers his unparalleled insight into the tactics, motivations, and "tricks of the trade" of the modern day news media. Bernheimer's highly interactive presentation will show you:

• What happens when a reporter is better prepared than you
• The simple, 2-step formula for effectively conducting any news interview
• Why the media really does "focus on the negative"
• Four productive alternatives to "no comment"

Details to be released on the IABC site here.

Why is the staff at Google smarter than everyone else?

Because their offices look like this? And this?

Honestly, I wish I could name one executive at Google. I'm wondering if I asked anyone in my office (include the technologically advanced Jenn Tran), they'd be hard pressed for a name as well.

Maybe that's a good thing. Perhaps they don't need a Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. Which would be good, because I don't think Steve and Bill are allowed to fly on the same airplane together, for fear we might lose both.

(Here they are in case you were wondering.)

Regardless, they've come up with another great idea and almost beat everyone to the punch.

If there's one thing I've learned about hybrid car drivers, it's that they're very aware of how they're driving. Why? Because the car teaches them how to drive so they eke the most mileage out of a gallon of gas. No jackrabbit starts. No donuts in the school parking lot. No people on skateboards hanging onto the bumper. (Boy, was that a trip down memory lane.)

Which got me to thinking, if I could tell how much energy my plasma screen TV is sucking up (well, if I had one), or my air conditioning, or clothes dryer - I mean at the very moment I'm using them - then I might want to conserve a little bit. I mean, we use energy and water all month and then go into sticker shock when we get the bill.

Here's what Google has to say on the subject:

"Studies show that access to your household's personal energy information is likely to save you between 5-15% on your monthly bill, and the potential impact of large numbers of people achieving similar efficiencies is even more exciting."

Cue the Google PowerMeter:

"Google PowerMeter, now in prototype, will receive information from utility smart meters and energy management devices and provide anyone who signs up access to her home electricity consumption right on her iGoogle homepage."

The blog Treehugger reports that Google isn't the only one who wants to get in the action, there's at least 4 other companies creating dashboards like Google's.

Okay, maybe there are some people out there as smart as the folks at Google.

I don't care, as long as all of them can get people to cut back energy use from "5 to 15%" as advertised, I'm on board.

Save me the corner office.
 

In light of Earth Day, this seems like a sort of eco nightmare.

One of the things I'm really bad at, (in my personal life, anyway) is long range planning.

Just ask my Tax Adviser.

Which is why those special celebration days that I might enjoy always seem to slip by me. Say March 28th, when millions of people celebrated Earth Hour by turning off their lights for 60 minutes at 8pm in whatever time zone they were in.

That was neat.

But I was whiling away the evening with every light in my house turned on.

Dang.

And here, eco me almost missed planning for Earth Day, which is Wednesday. Happily everyone else has the foresight to get their Web pages built month ago, like the US government (including the Environmental Protection Agency), Seventh Generation, World Wildlife Fund, and yes, Lowe's.

So now the only thing to do is not get overwhelmed by the amount of information and actually try to accomplish something.

But first, I should probably buy an anniversary gift for my wife.

Since it's today and all...

The Belding Awards are Southern California's most prestigious advertising awards and honor the region's best creative work. The Belding Awards receives over 500+ entries annually from over 50 agencies in Southern California. The Awards Show is attended by more than 500 advertising professionals.

Event Schedule
5:30 PM - Registration Opens
6:00 PM - Show Begins
7:30 PM - Post-Show Reception
10:30 PM - Event Concludes

Details here.

You may know me as one of your country's founding fathers. Maybe as a famous scientist, inventor, economist, printer, philosopher, or even the familiar face on your one hundred dollar bill.

Hello, I'm Benjamin Franklin, historical figure.

Having so many roles while I was actually living, you may ask yourself why I need to have so many more now that I've been dead for 200 some years.

Say a caricature on the side of the Liberty Quick 'N Speedy Rooting & Plumbing truck?

Good question.

Perhaps the man who owns this company believes when a potential customer sees my face on the side of the truck, he or she will feel strongly compelled to call their business. Say to get some new copper plumbing or remove problematic Magnolia grandiflora roots from their main line.

I imagine the owner of this plumbing company also believes that his customers prefer my likeness over other images typically found on vans in his industry, like the ones that feature garish images of nearsighted moles, overweight plumbers, or a well wetted plunger.

Though I was an incredibly clever inventor, I was by no means a plumber. In a city like Philadelphia, you can imagine I'd hardly have the time to create the nation's first library (much less bifocals or the lightning rod), if I were ceaselessly dealing with clogged sewer lines.

If that were the case, you'd probably be employing King George III's Prompt Plumbing to get the hair out of your drains.

I mean, when you think BENJAMIN FRANKLIN the icon, do bail bonds immediately come to mind? Or funeral homes, chocolates, or inflatable children's "bouncies"?

I should hope not.

Yet sadly it hasn't stopped thousands of companies from naming their businesses Ben Franklin Mortgage, Ben Franklin Drugs, B. Franklin's Bagels & Nosh, Ben Franklin Lo-Cost Carpet Cleaning, and Lil' Benny Frank's Kiddie Day Kare.

I hope you realize I'm not particularly enthusiastic about my image's use in the selling of piggy banks, chicken "nuggets," or as the neon outline in the windows of sausage shops (i.e., Ben Frank's Super Duper Franks). And in no way do I approve of these so-called Ben Franklin nodding dolls in which my oversized head bobbles around like a sailor on a weeklong shore leave.

Do not bother asking me about Ben Franklin, Texas.

Citizens, I'm one of your nation's founding fathers, please try to treat me with respect. Keep me off your pickup truck mudflaps, bus benches, high-yield mutual funds, and especially off those greasy potato chips of which you seem so fond.

(On a related note, by "pursuit of happiness," we were not suggesting loading up on deep fried foods until you require gastric bypass surgery. Please show some restraint.)

If you would like to use my image, you should feel free to do so when it is for something notable like a university, bridge, parkway, library, and of course, our national currency.

If you are still looking for an image for your garbage bags, cat pan liners, or toilet brushes, look no further than our nation's former king, King George III.

At least he deserves it.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "Franks for the Memories"
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HOT TALENT

As a staffing agency, we know that there are many prospective employees and freelancers "on the market" these days.

But realistically, how many of these folks are guaranteed to be your top performers?

We just wanted to remind you that we're still representing ONLY the top Creative and Marketing people here in Los Angeles and that we back each with our unprecedented 110% guarantee.

We wouldn't dream of sending you anything less than the best.

We think you're worth it.

Take a look at this week's stellar Talent, then feel free to call or email (tdonnelly@aquent.com) us for resumes, samples, interviews, and more!

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FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK

Linda W. - Flash Developer
Jeffrey B. - Web Producer
Annette B. - Marketing Manager
Arseda K. - Data Analyst
Ian K. - Copywriter
Matt R. - Creative Director
Kevin E. - Sr. Print Designer | Entertainment
Amy R. - Print Designer
Shoichi S. - Interactive | Web Project Manager
Don B. - Art Director
Andy C. - Retoucher | Top Production Artist

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Linda W.
Flash Developer

Linda is a Flash Developer who works in AS2 and AS3 and has a great eye for design!

Linda has been working with Crew Creative on Flash Banners, online games, XML slideshows, and so much more for all the major entertainment studios. She created buttons for an interactive map for the film site "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" and created a "virtual dive" page for Discovery Channel's "Shark Week"... in German, no less!

She's also an expert in interface design for the really cool Wi-Fi device Chumby, which works off live RSS feeds. In fact, she designed LA Times' interface for the device, which is featured on the Chumby home site!

Linda's worked on projects for the NFL, Ty Toys, Budweiser, and so many more! In addition to Crew Creative, she's worked through WHITTMANHART, Animax, Brandissimo!, The Illusion Factory, and other advertising, and design shops.

If you need a Flash Developer to develop and animate banners, use Flex Builder 2, AS2, or AS3, who can also tear it up on basic coding in XML, HTML and CSS, here's the right person for the job! Linda's fast, can handle a crazy environment, can work on both MAC and PC, and always gets the job done right!
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Jeffrey B.
Web Producer

Jeffery is a talented, hands-on Web Producer with design and development skills to boot!

Most recently he was Senior Web Producer for interactive agency Bold New World, where he led cross-functional design and Web development for large Websites, micro sites, and email marketing campaigns.

While on board, he used his SEO and SEM experience (which he gained from his top work at ROI Internet Business Solutions) to lead SEO efforts for large sites. His hands-on skills include HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Flash, and many Content Management Systems.

This multi-talented Jack-of-all-Web-trades is a bright, hands-on, and lightning speed Web Producer!
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Annette B.
Marketing Manager

Annette is a marketing professional with 20 years of experience with Fortune 100 companies including DIRECTV, Verizon Wireless, Petco Animal Supplies, and McKesson Corporation.

She is a strong Manager who effectively leads teams and agencies to ensure flawless and timely campaign and project execution, and is always on budget. Annette has client side expertise across multiple marketing disciplines including direct marketing, creative development, print production, call center integration, and media planning. She understands the detail of direct response, and strategically drives her agencies to perform at their best.

Annette has managed 5 Marketing Managers, managed budgets up to $200 million, and grown acquisition programs by a whopping 46%. In addition she has reduced data, media, and creative costs by 12% and improved productivity.

She's a top marketing pro with demonstrated success in the market!
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Arseda K.
Data Analyst

Arseda is a solid Financial Analyst with a terrific demeanor and 3+ years of analyst/reporting experience working for standout clients such as Warner Brothers, Countrywide, and Amp'd Mobile.

At Warner Brothers, she was responsible for developing and maintaining Access databases and for providing financial analysis and reporting for all operating segments, including interfacing/presenting to VPs and Sr. Management. She has been responsible for a wide range of reporting/analyst duties including monthly accruals for outstanding liabilities, financial planning, forecasting, Cost/Benefit, ROI, and market analysis.

On our exceedingly intricate Excel assessment, she nabbed an unheard of perfect score! She's comfortable in both 2007 and 2003 versions and has strong experience creating financial models in Excel using Pivot Tables and VBA/Macros. She also designs and implements relational databases utilizing MS Access.

Arseda has a BS in Finance from CS Northridge, a Certificate in accounting from UCLA, and is open to contract or full-time roles!
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Ian K.
Copywriter

Ian is a mid-level Copywriter new to LA from Boston. He was most recently at marketing communications agency Seidler Bernstein, where his clients were largely B2B healthcare-related companies like Siemens, Quest Diagnostics, PerkinElmer, and Cynosure. Prior to that, he was at Dibona, Bornstein & Random, where his clients were Sodexho, Century Bank, and Northwestern University. Ian is also used to being his own Account Manager, so he is well versed in all aspects of managing an account and the client-facing side of the house.

While very successful in the realm of B2B and long form copy, he is also highly conceptual and can really push the creative envelope. Comfortable in a team environment or on a solo assignment, he consistently delivers work that exceeds expectations.

If you're looking for a team player that can handle tight deadlines, offers creative B2B solutions, and maintains a sense of humor throughout the entire process, look no further than Ian!
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Matt R.
Creative Director

Matt is a Creative Director who has collaborated with companies of all sizes to enrich the voice of their brand, from complete branding systems to targeted areas of communications.

Matt has an extensive background in the fine arts and enjoyed his role as Head of the Art Department at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) for 3 years. He's a conceptual and hands-on Designer, as well as Producer in print and other media. He is able to concept, produce, and direct photoshoots, as well as mentor and manage teams.

His client list includes Torrid, Inc., an edgy teen plus-sized fashion company, Puma, Dell Computer, and American Film Institute (AFI), to name a few.

Whether managing a creative team or flying solo, he is a wealth of knowledge, creativity, and strategy!
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Kevin E.
Sr. Print Designer | Entertainment

Kevin is a Senior Print Designer who comes equipped with a strong production background, focusing mostly in the entertainment industry. His more than 17 years as a consultant includes clients such as New Line Home Entertainment, DIRECTV, Paramount Home Video, MGM Home Video, and more!

His raving references confirm that he's always asked back to clients time and again, because he is just so amazing at what he does. Kevin can start from scratch, creating concepts and designs, or use key art for photo compositing.

And fast? He goes at lightning speed, does the meat and potatoes, and even shoestring French fries as well.

He's an all around outstanding Designer who can bring top-quality value to each project he's on!
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Amy R.
Print Designer

Amy is a fabulous mid-level Print Designer whose design style stands head and shoulders above the rest!

A quick look at her portfolio lets you know that she, like any great Designer, places equal importance on the typography, not just on the images.

She was most recently at MC Brand Studios where she designed annual reports, paper promos, and brand identities. At Wong Doody, she saved the day by creating 5 style guides for their largest client, 2D and 3D design software giant Autodesk.

In addition to identity and style guides, Amy is highly skilled at creating unique packaging, posters, and collateral as well as front-end Web design, to create the full branding symphony for her clients.

Amy is creative, inventive, and well equipped to solve the trickiest of design challenges with her peers.
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Shoichi S.
Interactive | Web Project Manager

Shoichi is a talented Interactive | Web Project Manager with over 8 years experience leading teams of up to 8 on large and small projects.

He has a strong understanding of design, development, online marketing, SEO, QA, Web 2.0, and content management and is a hands-on, multi-functional Project Manager with a background in print.

In his last position at Bold New World interactive agency, he was the go-to guy to make sure projects were finished on time and flawlessly. He also helped to create the QA processes for many of the sites the company designed.

Not only does he have hands on HTML coding skills, he is a remarkable leader and is ready to hit the ground running!
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Don B.
Art Director

Don is a talented Art Director with many years of advertising agency experience.

Coming from small agencies, he quickly learned that he needed to wear many hats, including handling his own production in order to keep up with the fast-paced environment.

Most recently he's been freelancing at the ad*itive, working on a number of well-known clients, including Reebok/RBK, Yum Brands (KFC & Pizza Hut), Converse, UNDFTD, Volkswagen, and Colgate. Before that, he was staff member for 6 years at Benenson Janson, an agency specializing in the non-profit sector.

His style ranges from urban/edgy to more corporate/clean, and he can work on anything from print collateral to Web banners to grassroots advertising campaigns.

Don is the ideal Designer if you're looking for something new, fresh, and hip!
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Andy C.
Retoucher | Top Production Artist

Andy's quick, accurate, and quite frankly, has production skills that are out of this world.

He's a superstar Production Artist who has worked for clients such as Infiniti, Nissan, Apple, Playstation, Gateway, Mattress Gallery, Neutrogena, KB Home, DIRECTV, and so many more. His agency work includes years at TBWA/CHIAT/DAY, Woo Agency, and The Ballpark.

As Studio Manager at Woo Agency, his responsibilities included overseeing Production Artists and designing mechanicals as well as acting as Project Manager, Art Buyer, and Orchestrator of Printing (okay, that's our title).

Here's an amazing Print pro available only for this and next week!

What if I told you there was an online application that has you judge your favorite colors (and least favorite) that would come up with the best career for you?

"That's a bunch of hooey?"

After reading the article about the Dewey Color System on CareerBuilder, I decided to take the Color Career Councilor test on the Career Path site.

The results were interesting. Part of my job description here is Writer, part is Stuff Coordinator (events, trainings, etc.). The Career Councilor picked out Organizer as my best occupational category. Which isn't shabby, if I do say so myself.

But then again, I'm wondering if this is anything like reading the horoscope for a sign other than your own. Which always leads you to say, "Wow, that's exactly what I'm going through!"

I looked a little further into the system, invented by staffing industry vet, Dewey Sadka and couldn't find any real science behind the system he invented.

Which is not to say I think it doesn't work, but it really does seem like Magical Thinking.

Did anyone take the test? What were your thoughts?

From our Are You There Aquent? part of the blog (you're welcome to ask your own questions!)

Hi guys,

I found this blog very useful and it inspired me. I do have one question related to the topic of networking: As a Designer I should be aware of all of the swag that is required to market one's self (after all, it is my business to produce swag), but I haven't been in the business of networking for quite some time and was wondering if you had any insight into the materials we should have on hand at these networking events (business cards, promo items, etc.).

Are there any trends to be aware of? I know back in the day a simple business card that offered your contact info and URL would suffice.

Will a business card alone still make you competitive in today's job market?

Kerry


(Reply from Monica, former Designer and present Print Design Account Manager at Aquent)
 
Hi Kerry,

Heck yes, a business card with your URL and contact info is just fine! You could be creative and make an extending, accordion-folding business card that has samples of your work on it... but that's a little crazy. (Unless you are a student fresh outta school. Then that might be kinda cool and inventive. You have permission to steal the idea.)

Here's the thing, if you make a good impression and have rapport with someone at a networking event, your card will be great. It's just a vehicle to convey your information so that they can check out your work when they get home!

However, if you don't really know a person and you are just randomly putting your business card in peoples' pockets and purses (which I do not recommend), then maybe bust out the accordion-folded thing with glitter and jewels. I'm kidding. But really, it's a networking event, which means you are there to meet and greet. Your personality should shine and showing off your swag might detract from the fabulous you.

Thanks for writing!

Monica

From Dr. Andrew A. Okoya


URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL FROM NIGERIA

This e-mail missive may come to you as a surprise as it is coming from someone you have not met before.

Please do not be alarmed, as my colleagues and myself have investigated your corporation quite thoroughly and have come to the conclusion that you would be the ideal person to handle this very sensitive and private business matter, dear sir or madam.

I am a civil adviser in Nigeria, and I am currently working with the monitoring committee overseeing a petroleum trust fund. My colleagues and I need to transfer US $25 million into reliable foreign bank accounts, and we were hoping you would be of assistance.

Before you become overly concerned about where these funds are originating, I will inform you they were generated from the over-invoicing of contracts executed for the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation and discovered by our committee while reviewing the accounts. These contracts have all been executed and the contractors all paid.

The money, it seems, has magically appeared out of nowhere.

This is why we are contacting you at this time for either your personal or business account into which we can deposit this money.

What else could we possibly do with all this cash?

At first we debated using it to help the millions of needy Nigerians in our troubled country, but after much discussion we all thought of you.

We imagined you could use the money to buy one of those new hybrid cars, so you can help save the environment. That's a cause you are interested in, correct?

You could afford to buy everyone in your office a hybrid car.

Think of the gallons of gas your country will no longer have to pump out of wells in some foreign land to operate your lumbering SUVs!

In fact, how else are you going to save the Earth without giving us your bank account number so we can transfer 20% of $25 million into it?

If you're wondering where the rest of the 75% is going, you're much smarter than you look. 70% is going to myself and my esteemed colleagues, as we were the ones who caught this error in the first place. Finders keepers and all that.

The other 5% will be for contingency expenses like faxing, overnight shipping, and for some nice plants for around the office.

I must tell you now that for reasons of confidentiality, I will need you to respond through e-mail only, not by fax or telephone. As you may well know, any imbecile can tap a telephone line, but the Internet still remains the most secure place to send confidential information. It is even superior to handing money to someone in broad daylight in a well-populated area. (There was a special on just such this thing on BBC back in February. I'll see if we can send you the tape.)

All we need from you now is:

(1) you and your company's name and full address
(2) your banker's name, address, telephone and fax numbers
(3) the account number
(4) you or your wife's maiden name
(5) where you hide the key outside your apartment, house, or condo
(6) a six-letter word for "agriculturist"

In no way should you find it suspicious that we have neither your company's name nor your own. We misplaced them on our end table and cannot, for the life of us, find them anywhere.

Perhaps it's that new cleaning woman.

We also wish to assure you that your involvement, should you decide to assist us, will be well protected and that this business proposal is 100% risk-free.

In fact, if you receive another unsolicited letter from Nigeria that offers you a better, more secure deal, we will give you your money back plus a $10 Starbucks gift card.

Yes, we're just THAT sure you're going to LOVE this irregular business proposition!

Thank you so much for your anticipated cooperation. We look forward to a mutually benefiting business relationship with you.

Perhaps we could arrange a nice lunch after this matter is all over. How does that sound? Thursdays work best for us.

Once again, we do stress that you handle this delicate arrangement with the utmost secrecy.

If you decide to decline this offer, you should delete this email. But not before checking around your office to see if anyone knows a six-letter word for "agriculturist."

We could really use that.

Faithfully yours,

Dr. Andrew A. Okoya, DDS
 

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "From Nigeria With Love"
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HOT TALENT

If June 21st is the longest day of the year, then what do you call the April 14th, the day before taxes are due?

That can be a fairly long day, wouldn't you say?

December 21st is allegedly the longest night, but if you ask most kids they'll tell you it's night before Christmas.

Before you get back to your baffling date book, we invite you to look at this straightforward e-mail, chock full of amazing Aquent Talent, funny bits, and a friendly phone number at the end.

It may be the least confusing thing on your calendar today.

Enjoy!
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FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK

Patrick T. - Sr. Online Business Development Manager
Jason A. - Art Director
Yan J. - Flash Developer
Justin L. - Interactive AD | Creative Director
Jess W. - Marketing/Project Manager
Marc P. - Front and Back End Development
Phuong N. - Sr. Print Designer
Evan S. - Interactive Designer and Developer
Robin C. - Production & Graphic Design
Duho Y. - Interactive Art Director
John J. - Administrative Assistant
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Patrick T.
Sr. Online Business Development Manager

Patrick is a Sr. Business Development Manager with 10 years of experience in the online space with standout companies such as Citysearch, Experian Interactive Media, and Business.com.

He was recently Business Development Manager at Experian, overseeing many of their large-scale partnership and affiliate programs for personal finance, auto insurance, education, and lending verticals. Throughout his career he has developed and managed a number of advertising models including CPA, CPM, CPC, and Pay-for-Placement.  

Patrick has a solid track record of consistently exceeding quotas, growing business exponentially, and winning numerous sales awards for his outstanding work!
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Jason A.
Art Director

Jason has over 10 years experience in print design, art direction, and layout and originally hails from The City of the Big Shoulders (that's Chicago, if you're wondering). His style is edgy, contemporary, and chock full of life!

In his role as Art Director at CFQ Media, he redesigned and rebranded an unknown, poorly designed sci-fi magazine and turned it into the phenomenally successful Geek Magazine. Because of his amazing work, and marketing and advertising savvy, they made him Creative Director.

Jason is also a terrific hands-on Designer and Illustrator whose true value comes in bringing his branding and advertising know-how to each and every project.
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Yan J.
Flash Developer
 
Yan is a rockstar Actionscript Developer with extensive AS2 and AS3 experience as well as back-end development knowledge. His more than 6 years of programming includes extensive experience with the design, prototyping, and development of n-tier object-oriented rich media Web applications using Flash, ActionScript, PHP, D/HTML, XML, JavaScript, CSS, and ColdFusion; database design and development for MySQL and SQL Server; designing, prototyping, and developing user interfaces using contextual design methodologies; and much more!

Most recently he was working on an AS3 application for The Walt Disney Internet Group, updating the Disney global registration functionality, adding new features to global registration, and adding mobilization features to registration flow. Before that he was at Crew Creative working on The Dark Knight, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, Watchmen, TLC: The Singing Office, and Bourne Conspiracy, The Game.

He's also an AS2 and AS3 Game Developer to the max, creating a number of games for MTV. And when we say a number, we mean one every day!

If you need action, then call us about Yan!
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Justin L.
Interactive AD | Creative Director

With over 8 years of experience in Art Direction and Design, Justin possesses not only the talent to lead projects from concept to design to production, but the hands-on skills to make sure every piece of the project comes off beautifully.

Having worked for the likes of Time Inc, Yahoo!, & three startups (including 2 award-winning Green ones featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Ellen, and Good Morning America), he's a self-starter, an outside-the-box thinker, and a real mover and shaker.

During his time in LA over the last 6 years, he's worked with such well-known brands as American Idol, Billboard, CBS Interactive, Discovery Channel, Dr. Pepper, FOX, GreenDimes, HBO, Hasbro, HULU, MARVEL, (RED), and T-Mobile, just to name a few.

Justin really brings a sense of humor and motivation (as well as stunning creative direction) to his work every single day and he's looking for the right company to take to their creative team to the next level!
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Jess W.
Marketing/Project Manager

Here's a great marketing professional with a solid blend of both content generation and project management skills.

Jess has both in-house and agency experience and has led marketing initiatives within industries such as non-profit, education, financial services, and insurance. She has overseen full-cycle projects for print including brochures, student catalogs, newsletters, supporting documents, postcards, email campaigns, and special events promotions. 

Jess just finished a contract at L.A. Care Health Plan where she received amazing reviews! While onboard Jess project managed large communication projects for print collateral and newsletters, provided communication to internal and external vendors, and worked with the creative team to ensure seamless completion of marketing projects. 

An awesome Aquent Talent!
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Marc P.
Front and Back End Development

Marc is a fabulous Front-End Developer who has great HTML, CSS, JavaScript, PHP, AJAX, C+, C++, MySQL, Drupal CMS experience (not to mention a background creating MySpace Applications and working in LAMP environments!)

He was most recently at interactive design firm The Groop, where he overhauled the content management system for Botanist Series.com. He also created applications for MySpace for My Wish List, which connected to an outside database and has AJAX interfaces. If that wasn't enough, he built XHTML validated front-end templates with Web 2.0 JavaScript frameworks like YUI, MooTools and Jquery.

Marc's a hot Front-End Developer who won't be available for long!
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Phuong N.
Sr. Print Designer

Phuong is a forward-thinking contemporary Print Designer who just moved to LA from NYC, where she was most recently Senior Designer at Arnold Worldwide. Some of her accounts included Hershey's, GlaxoSmithKline, US Tennis Association, and Nine West where she brought overall brand awareness through print ads, in-store graphics, environmental signage, and B2B collateral. Prior to Arnold, she was Senior Designer at Traveler magazine for Conde Nast.

In addition to being an expert in InDesign layout, she also creates original illustrations for all of her designs. And all Phuong's glowing references made sure to mention her fabulous work ethic and attention to detail.

She has a wonderful design sense in typography, design layout, and illustration and is sure to bring a unique look to any agency or in-house company that wants to be on the forefront of design!
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Evan S.
Interactive Designer and Developer

Evan is a talented Interactive Designer and Developer with a portfolio guaranteed to wow you! 

He excels in Web Design and Flash animation, plus develops in AS3. His most recent work has been on interactive games and animated banners. At Nemo Design, Evan worked with a team of Designers and Developers on Nike 6.0, Smith Optics, and HP Blackbird. He was their go-to man when it came to designing and developing interactive Flash features.  

Evan's skills are a rare mix of developing and delivering outstanding design. 

Let us know if you're interested in seeing some of his sites!
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Robin C.
Production & Graphic Design

Over 11 years of experience in the graphic design world, Robin has terrific hands-on skills in both Quark and Photoshop coupled with a thorough knowledge of digital press.

Most recently managing a team of nine, Robin managed everything involved in the design and production of four-color monthly and bi-monthly magazines as well as tons of direct mail, signage, promotional materials, and CD/DVD packages. She can effectively lead a department under extremely tight deadlines and expertly handle both vendor negotiations and press checks.

Available for both freelance production and design work, she's got great credentials!
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Duho Y.
Interactive Art Director

Duho is an Interactive Art Director with over 10 years of industry experience. His experience ranges from product development to design to branding. 

Most recently at Wasserman Media Group, he branded and concepted user experience products. He successfully implemented a custom creative process to brand a network of 40 sports Web sites including motocross.com and the martial arts site mmarated.com.

Prior to Wasserman, Duho served as Sr. Designer at Answer Financial and Creative Director at both MACH18 and Apollo Interactive. His experience ranges from visual design to user experience design, and some development.

We know you'll find his creative work, whether they be financial or community sites, are top scorers in the Web world!
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John J.
Administrative Assistant

Here's a stellar, senior-level, excellent Administrative Assistant who has worked for major players such as Disney, Kaiser Permanente, Nestle, and Warner Brothers!

John was most recently at Disney in their SOAPnet department, where his major duties included trafficking commercials and TV shows, sorting the timing of show segments and separation of commercials. Inside Disney he's worked for a variety of other departments including Buena Vista Home Entertainment, Feature Publicity Department, Disney Internet Group, Corporate, Imagineering, and Consumer Products.

At Disney he used their SAP database extensively and he's incredibly experienced in handling heavy calendaring/phones, complicated expense reports, invoices, travel arrangements, and data entry.

This guy is just the tops, and we know you'll love him once you meet him!

The folks at Tuesday Creative were nice enough to extend us an invitation to their inaugural Tuesdays@Tuesday Happy Hour.

Mmm, tacos, margaritas, Rock Band (complete with fog machine), clever signage, and something that almost made me drop my rice and beans: the coolest white boards anyone has ever seen.




I talked to Beau Gieson, their Sr. Designer about how he made them and he was nice enough to provide the pictures! They wanted to utilize some old white boards they weren't using (what a green idea!) and didn't want them to look like... well, the white boards everyone else has. One of the owners of Tuesday is a skilled woodworker and was able to chop the old boards up without injuring anyone.

I still can't stop talking about them.

(from guest Blogger, Jenn Tran)

As one of the Interactive Account Managers in the LA office, I manage Talent and client relationships. This means I am constantly talking to Talent about their job search and clients about their current and future needs. Having a gauge of the topography of the current job market goes without saying... And let's face it, the job market has changed and fluctuated significantly over the past year. With the current scenario as it is (no matter where you are in your job search) it is important, now more than ever, to "think outside the box" (to be as cliché as possible about it).

So here are a few general suggestions that you may find useful. Here at Aquent, we love our Talent and want nothing but the best possible opportunities for them. As great as we are at marketing our Talent, we are but one of several resources you should be using to find a job opportunity. Aside from being signed up with a staffing agency and applying to positions on the job boards, NETWORKING is huge (especially now) in finding opportunities. You know the old saying, "it's not what you know but who you know" - we are in LA after all!

"But, Jenn, I hate the idea of networking," you say (yes, someone actually said this to me recently). Well, baby steps will lead the way. Here are some steps:

1) Know what you do (target your network)
Depending on what your specialization is, there are several networking events that are being hosted by various organizations with a ton of highly reputable companies looking to meet talented people. Some of the up and coming events can be seen on our blog in the right hand column.

2) Seek our your networks
For finding relevant events or people in your field, meetup.com is a good place to start. Say you're a UX Designer... There's UI/UX Meetup group that is just for you! 
Check out AIGAlosangeles.org for other local events sponsored or co-sponsored by the AIGA.
Check out your local college alumni group.
LinkedIn.com also has online groups catered to job specific topics.
For all the technical Web devs in the house: http://www.socaltech.com/calendar/calendar.php

And there are many many more!

3) Perfect Practice Makes Perfect
Say you are not the most social person in the world. Okay, but you have to know this: you will never network yourself into your next career unless you try! Surrounding yourself with your peers at one of these networking events is the perfect way to get yourself geared for other events (or the same ones) where you can meet potential employers. What easier thing to talk about as a topic of conversation than your own professional expertise. When you find yourself starting off small (baby steps) by networking with peers (see step 2) you will not only get into the swing of what's going on in your profession - you can learn helpful tips from people who do what you do. If you start off with the internet (get LinkedIn, Facebook, Meetup.com, Twitter.com) and be a squeaky wheel - you are off to a good start!

4) Just Do It (I think that slogan is branded by someone else). Get out there and make your own opportunities! Aquent has some awesome networking events coming up so make sure you check the blog or our Facebook page to keep up to date.

I just heard this morning that one of our Talent got an interview through meeting someone at a party. Opportunities are everywhere - you just need to get out and find them!

Hope this helps! If you have any questions feel free to call and ask or email me at jtran@aquent.com.

(I thought at least you'd like an image from the "Rens Faire", correct?)

Maybe I'm mistaken but it seems to me in the 5 years since I've been doing an April Fool's version of our Client Newsletter, that a lot of other people have been jumping on my bandwagon.

Not that I mind. It's a rather big bandwagon.

Besides our newsletter, Toshiba unleashed their computer for dogs, Google launched CADIE, the Project for Public Spaces sent out their fake newsletter, and funny lady Ann Coulter fell for a fake Car & Driver story about President Obama ordering GM and Chrysler to cease their participation in NASCAR.

It's good to see the recession isn't hurting the shenanigans industry.

I believe it's referred to as a Recession Proof Industry.

 

Greg Johns, VP, Group Digital Director, PHD

Details here.

It's easy to be a critic.

Everyone's a critic, right?

And do you know why?

Because it far, far easier to be a critic than to be a Designer, Writer, Actor, or any other kind of creative. Actually, it's far, far easier to be a critic than to be the person crossing a busy street during a rainstorm.

But I digress...

It happened a little after eight o'clock on that fateful Tuesday. My girlfriend and I were sitting on our couch watching TV and relaxing while my trusted African Grey Parrot, Ziggy watched along with us, squawking happily.

It wasn't until I heard Ziggy say, "I love you, Gary," that I noticed something was amiss.

I looked at Ziggy and asked, "What did you say?"

"I love you, Gary," he repeated.

"It's Terry, Ziggy. My name is Terry. What's wrong with you?"

Ziggy rolled his eyes. I'd raised him from a chick over 8 years ago, and lately he'd taken to calling me Gary. I looked over at Becky, who was caught up in American Idol.

"Did you hear what Ziggy just called me? He called me Gary."

"Oh," was her reply. The fact didn't seem to bump her at all.

But something was fishy. Gary was the name of one of Becky's coworkers she'd been spending a lot of time with lately.

"Gary's the name of that friend of yours from your office, right?" I asked her.

"Yep," she said, her eyes never leaving the image of Simon Cowell.

"Doesn't it seem strange that this bird is saying, 'I love you Gary' instead of, 'I love you Terry?'"

"I guess."

I went over to Ziggy and looked at him a moment.

"Tell me everything, Ziggy," I asked, stroking his feathers lovingly. But he'd already gone dumb and was trying to look around me. One of his favorite contestants was back on, and I was blocking his view. "Tell me what you know, and I'll let you watch the end of the show."

Ziggy looked uncomfortable and ruffled his feathers. I wasn't moving. Ziggy wasn't blinking. The contestants sang on and the bird was becoming more and more irritated with every passing moment.

"Move," Ziggy said.

"No," I replied.

I tried to stay far enough away so that if he lashed out, I could evade his razor sharp beak. But I was going to get to the bottom of this.

Was Becky having an affair with Gary and the only clue available was locked away in my own parrot? If so, I needed to find out now, before my relationship with her went any further.

Now my African Grey was bobbing, a sure sign of irritation, but I wasn't going to let him have his way.

"Out of the way, meathead!" he squawked.

"Forget it, I'm not going anywhere." I grabbed him gently around the throat. "Tell me."

He looked at me with a sidelong glance and then began to feign a heart attack and calling out, "I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!" Which was something he'd seen Red Foxx do countless times on reruns of Sanford and Son.

Only this time he actually fell to the floor. I rushed down to him.

"Ziggy! Are you alright? Can you hear me, Ziggy?!"

He opened one weary eye.

"I'm not well, Gary. Not well at all."

"It's okay, Ziggy. Don't worry. Dammit, Becky, get the medicine kit!" I called out to get her moving. Becky finally took her eyes off the TV, yelled out, "Oh my gosh," and rushed away.

Ziggy's eye closed and then opened a bit. He struggled to open his beak.

"Becky... Becky..." he fought to pronounce the words.

"Yes?"

"...and Gary," he sputtered.

"Yes!?" Now my ears were ringing from the sound of blood rushing to them.

"Are having..."

"YES?"

"Are having..."

"OUT WITH IT!!!" I could contain myself no longer. That cheating two-timer!

"Your surprise birthday party this Friday at the Acapulco Restaurant."

And then he closed his eyes. And was gone.

Becky rushed into the room with a glass of water and an aspirin and just looked at me.

I looked back at her.

And thought for a moment about all the work she'd been doing for my birthday.

And how she and that rotten Gary killed my parrot.
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APRIL FOOLS INFO

If you think everything in this newsletter is absolutely false, congratulations. We thought you might enjoy an April Fool's Day treat. We hope to heck we're right.
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IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Pets This Week

That Pet at the End
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HOT TALENT

We're writing to you with good news this week!

Aquent has just partnered with an esteemed non-profit, The Society for Mostly Broken and Ill-Tempered Domestic Animals (a "pet" cause of our CEO) and will now be featuring these wonderful and yes, incredibly distinctive animals to you each week on the pages to come.

If you've got room in your heart for a Mexican Hairless Chihuahua who requires his own inhaler, then you'll have to read on!

Please email us if you're interested in any of these amazing creatures and we'll get right back to you.

Well, if we're not busy cleaning cages.

Woof!
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FEATURED PETS THIS WEEK

Fescue - Amazon Blue Front Female
Buster - Golden Retriever
Frodo - Green Iguana
Bobby - Wolf Hybrid
Beaky - International Bird of Mystery
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Fescue
Amazon Blue Front Female

This 5-year old, incredibly colorful Amazon Blue Front loves to laugh.

Sometimes with you, sometimes at you. She's so unpredictable!

Raised in an "End of the World" cult by a single mother, this bird is usually quite tame, but not particularly good around men or small children (the latter of which she will try to carry off by the hair if not closely supervised). Equipped with an exceptionally high vocabulary, Fescue will convey hour upon hour of information pertaining to the ending of world on February 24th, 2006.

(Please note that if you purchase this bird, you may not inform her that February 2006 has come and gone.)

A great pet for those who like to live in the past!
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Buster
Golden Retriever

Raised alongside other pets in a loving, but very busy household, Buster is an affectionate dog who loves nothing more than to play!

Buster's slight stuttering problem when he barks excitedly (sounds like "B-b-b-b-bow wow") is never an issue except around other dogs or heckling children. We must also mention that although comfortable around most people, Buster is terrified of Statue of Liberty replicas, blue liquids, newspapers, high-pitched laughter, textbooks, doorbells, and Michael Flatley. He is also allergic to natural fibers including wool, linen, hemp, linen, cotton, and linen (he's REALLY allergic to linen) and has been previously diagnosed as an "heroic snorer."

A fantastic pet for shut-ins who don't hear so well!
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Frodo
Green Iguana

Frodo is a truly magnificent male Green Iguana, with bright green and red highlights that we know you're going to love!

Born with only one small defect, the inability to stay right-side up, Frodo loves to bob his head, extend his dewlap, and play the day away, all while swaying precariously on the bottom of his perch. You'll be endlessly surprised at the number of things he can do upside down! (Draw blood for one.)

If you love unusual pets with even more unusual affectations, he's the one for you!
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Lil' Howler
Wolf Hybrid

Love the Earth? Own a hybrid!

A great dog for both hunting and high tea, Bobby is part Wolf, part Teacup Poodle, and all dog!

Standing a mere 9 inches tall and bursting with the rugged good looks of a Wolf, this is a terrific choice for anyone who loves the great outdoors, but is relegated to living in a small city-sized apartment. We can assure that you'll never pine away for the open plains after just one night of Bobby's melodic howling.

Once you place this little fellow by your teacup, you'll be darn sure no one will come near it!
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Beaky
International Bird of Mystery

Raised by the CIA during the cold war to repeat Russian spy secrets back to American Agents, Beaky is a true American Patriot!

An affectionate Harlequin Macaw, Beaky is energetic, captivating, and loves to eavesdrop on important conversations that you've been dying to overhear. A great pet for inside traders, grandparents who incessantly ask what the person on the TV just said, or anyone who is just plain old nosey.

Beaky also tells quite a few Howie Mandel jokes, which is why the CIA offices had to finally part with him.

Only likes men with beards and/or mustaches.