Tim Donnelly: May 2007 Archives

You know what irritates me most irritated about Ticketmaster? (He says, recently purchasing tickets to Cesaria Evora using their system.) Not that they outrageously overcharge for tickets, I expect that, but that they hide their costs to the consumer.

Consider this: my ticket today was originally priced at a reasonable $40.

I bought two.

So, $80, right?

Au contraire, mon frere! (Apologies to Olivia C.)

Don't forget the Facilities Charge (2 at $2 each), Convenience Charge (2 at, yes, $10.35 each), and Delivery ($2.50 for the online, aka free, delivery).

At checkout time, my $80 had blossomed to $107.20.

Which, in their favor, they did let me know about before I submitted my credit card.

On the receipt, however, was the extra Order Processing Fee (different, apparently, than the Delivery charge), which was $3.85.

Grand total, $111.05.

Weirdly, if Ticketmaster had told me at the very beginning that each ticket was $55.53, I would be a little happier with the transaction. But, as is (and I'm sure none of this comes as a surprise to you folks who buy tickets all the time), I really love to find to not use their service to pay these incredibly fake charges. Convenience Charge? What could that possibly be for?

The only nice thing about the transaction was that iTunes emailed me two free downloads (2 at .99 each) for my purchase.

Unfortunately, the kudos are going to Apple and not Ticketmaster.

Hey, I expect crazy unexpected charges when I buy a plane ticket, not when going to see Def Leppard's comeback tour.

It's really a case of reverse Marketing, shooting well below the customer's expectations, and it only works in scenarios like these, where the company has a stranglehold on the market (think cable company) and the customer can't do anything but grin and bear it.

Times may be good for Ticketmaster now, but my guess is if they ever get competition (by, say, a court order), the field will be wide open.

And at that point I'm guessing Ticketmaster is going to have a lot of very happy ex-customers.

H  O  T     T  A  L  E  N  T
The Newsletter of Aquent's Available Talent

M  A  Y   |   3  0   |   2  0  0  7
__________________________________________________

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "Lady or Tiger?"

Subscribe | Unsubscribe Information

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HOT TALENT

In this issue, we are NOT giving away an all expense paid trip to Santa Barbara.

After much discussion, we thought it unfair to give a prize to only one of our lucky newsletter readers.

Instead, everyone getting this newsletter will receive write-ups on our newest, hottest available Aquent Talent with links to their profiles, samples and resumes!

Lucky you!

And if you try to reach us tomorrow and we're not here, we'd like you to know in advance that we are NOT in Santa Barbara.

Honestly.
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FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK

Heather K. - Graphic Designer | Art Director
Maxine N. - Graphic Artist & Writer | Editor
Carmen C. - Marketing Professional
Doreen D. - Production Artist | Designer
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Heather K.
Graphic Designer | Art Director

OUCH!

That's what our Mac said after Heather blazed through both our Quark and Photoshop assessments in record time.

On top of that, she is an amazing Designer who is talented and funny.

Her satisfied client roster includes DreamWorks SKG, Geffen Records, Gramercy Pictures, Walt Disney Co., Tiger Beat & BOP, and a bevy of others for whom she's created everything from packaging and magazines to CD covers and ads.

A detailed hands-on wonder, she can take any of your ideas straight through from concept to production.

With red-hot speed!

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Temporary and Permanent

Skills: Adobe InDesign, QuarkXPress, Adobe Photoshop, Microsoft PowerPoint, Adobe Illustrator
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Maxine N.
Graphic Artist & Writer | Editor

Your one-stop shop!

What, you've never heard of a creative who can write copy, design collateral, and blaze through production at lightning speed?

Meet Maxine!

A creative Talent who blurs the line between graphic arts and creative writing, she's a Designer with excellent production skills and extensive experience at advertising agencies, design firms, and corporations.

A wiz with the written word, Maxine is an outstanding Copy Editor who's done work for the likes of Random House, Rolling Stone, Rubin Postaer, DDB Needham, Curtco Publishing, Sony Pictures, Lifetime Television, and so many more.

Talk about "one call does it all"!

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Freelance

Skills: QuarkXPress, Adobe Acrobat, Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Photoshop, Microsoft PowerPoint, Microsoft Word, Adobe Streamline, Flatbed Scanning
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Carmen C.
Marketing Professional

At mobile entertainment/broadband service Amp'd Mobile, Carmen managed the intricate relationship and interaction between Amp'd and their dedicated customer base. By creating attention-grabbing communications to members via e-mail, SMS, bill messaging, and IVR, she helped rapidly grow their subscribers base in no time.

Skilled at managing client and department relationships, she developed and implemented direct and e-mail campaigns, produced Web sites, created loyalty marketing programs, handled traffic/project management, and tracked success rates for 18 locations of California's largest boutique hotel management company, Joie de Vivre Hospitality.

If you need effective and efficient management of scores of deadline-oriented projects (she's an MS Access pro), call us about Carmen!

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Permanent

Professional Categories: Account Management, Direct Marketing And CRM, Marketing, Other MarCom, Promotions
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Doreen D.
Production Artist | Designer

Able to design, coordinate, and develop internal and external visual communications in a single bound, Doreen is an organized self-starter who can effectively juggle multiple projects/deadlines and collaborate with managers, designers, and clients alike.

At places like The California Endowment, Disney, Kaiser Permanente, American Diabetes Association, and global architectural firm TetraTech, she's designed and produced brochures, proposal graphics, booth materials, Web graphics, calendars, promotional booklets, and pretty much any other corporate collateral you can think of, from concept to completion.

Savvy on Mac and PC, she's a pro on PowerPoint and Visio, creating presentations, charts, and graphs in a snap!

Why don't you call us and see for yourself?

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent

Skills: Adobe Photoshop, Adobe InDesign, Microsoft Word, Macromedia FreeHand, Adobe PageMaker, Microsoft PowerPoint, Adobe Illustrator, QuarkXPress, CorelDRAW!, Adobe Acrobat, Lotus Freelance Graphics, Management
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THAT BIT AT THE END
Lady or Tiger?

Yesterday I was standing for a good period of time outside two restroom doors, one labeled "Bronco", the other "Cactus". I had been waiting someone exit, so I could at long last decipher which bathroom I was supposed to use.

After five minutes, I started to realize that I had spent too much time enjoying the fine drink and company in the other room and should have sorted this issue out much earlier. It was getting late for these kinds of decisions, if you understand what I mean.

There are, if you think of it, many similarities concerning broncos and cactuses. And an abundance of differences. My problem was that none of those differences lent themselves to conjure up an image of a man or woman.

I am not a dullard. I graduated cum laude from a well-respected university. Neither am I unfamiliar with so-called clever bathroom names, having seen my share of "Buoys" & "Gulls", "Laddies" & "Lassies", and "Bucks" & "Does" in my travels over the years.

I was even able to decipher, after being led by a series of "TO THE JOHNS" signs, the correct choice between two doors labeled "Elton John" & "Olivia Newton John" (though I did catch my breath as I entered the former).

Yet yesterday afternoon I stood there in front of these particularly enigmatic doors with time running out.

Years ago, when I was confronted with similar doors marked "Gilts" & "Shoats", I was fortunate enough to catch a young lady eventually exiting. In Hawaii, I opted to use the facilities at a gas station across the street from a restaurant where I'd just spent ten minutes trying to translate "Kane" and "Wahini". (I, by the way, am both a "Kane" and "Shoat", though the latter is pushing it, even by the low standards set up by the establishment).

I will also inform you that there is nothing worse than finishing up in a restroom (say, when the choice is between "Pointers & Strikers") only to be greeted by the opposite sex upon departure.

Many times I have avoided confusion at these establishments by simply noting the inevitable line outside a women’s room.

But I had no such fortune on this day.

I had waited an eternity and I could delay no more.

I impatiently summoned a passing employee and informed him I needed to use the facilities at once and demanded that he quickly inform me in which of these two rooms was I to relieve myself!

"I hope neither, sir," he answered. "These are both private dining rooms."

He looked me up and down then pointed to a door down the hall clearly marked "Men’s Room".

This story would not be worth retelling, nor particularly amusing, if I failed to add that upon returning to my table I told my colleagues nothing of the incident and kept each drinking until they absolutely had to make the same trip down the hallway.

Or that I'm taking my wife back tomorrow.

__________________________________________________

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Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Blogger | Stuff Coordinator

A Q U E N T
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Phone: 323 634 7000 | Fax: 323 954 8517
tdonnelly@aquent.com

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Visit aquent.com to learn more.

Yesterday I was standing for a good period of time outside two restroom doors, one labeled "Bronco", the other "Cactus". I had been waiting someone exit, so I could at long last decipher which bathroom I was supposed to use.

After five minutes, I started to realize that I had spent too much time enjoying the fine drink and company in the other room and should have sorted this issue out much earlier. It was getting late for these kinds of decisions, if you understand what I mean.

There are, if you think of it, many similarities concerning broncos and cactuses. And an abundance of differences. My problem was that none of those differences lent themselves to conjure up an image of a man or woman.

I am not a dullard. I graduated cum laude from a well-respected university. Neither am I unfamiliar with so-called clever bathroom names, having seen my share of "Buoys" & "Gulls", "Laddies" & "Lassies", and "Bucks" & "Does" in my travels over the years.

I was even able to decipher, after being led by a series of "TO THE JOHNS" signs, the correct choice between two doors labeled "Elton John" & "Olivia Newton John" (though I did catch my breath as I entered the former).

Yet yesterday afternoon I stood there in front of these particularly enigmatic doors with time running out.

Years ago, when I was confronted with similar doors marked "Gilts" & "Shoats", I was fortunate enough to catch a young lady eventually exiting. In Hawaii, I opted to use the facilities at a gas station across the street from a restaurant where I'd just spent ten minutes trying to translate "Kane" and "Wahini". (I, by the way, am both a "Kane" and "Shoat", though the latter is pushing it, even by the low standards set up by the establishment).

I will also inform you that there is nothing worse than finishing up in a restroom (say, when the choice is between "Pointers & Strikers") only to be greeted by the opposite sex upon departure.

Many times I have avoided confusion at these establishments by simply noting the inevitable line outside a women’s room.

But I had no such fortune on this day.

I had waited an eternity and I could delay no more.

I impatiently summoned a passing employee and informed him I needed to use the facilities at once and demanded that he quickly inform me in which of these two rooms was I to relieve myself!

"I hope neither, sir," he answered. "These are both private dining rooms."

He looked me up and down then pointed to a door down the hall clearly marked "Men’s Room".

This story would not be worth retelling, nor particularly amusing, if I failed to add that upon returning to my table I told my colleagues nothing of the incident and kept each drinking until they absolutely had to make the same trip down the hallway.

Or that I'm taking my wife back tomorrow.

In case you missed the Aquent sponsored Webcast  "Successful Creative Briefs: Linking Business Objectives and Creative Strategies" with Creative Consultant, Emily Cohen (maybe you were picking up dry cleaning?), there's hope!

Some clever folks (either at the AMA or Aquent HQ) decided to turn this well-attended presentation into an on-demand Webcast.

And it's still free!!

Here's the skinny:

Emily Cohen discusses how creative briefs should best be used to link business objectives and creative strategies.

Done right, creative briefs share valuable information, align everyone’s expectations, and set clear objectives. In practice, this means better business results as well as a smoother, faster creative process. And yet, for many reasons, creative briefs are rarely used to their full potential.

Alongside practical advice on how creative briefs should be used to streamline your development process, Emily will provide concrete tips, tools, and techniques to ensure that your organization is not only creating great briefs, but also getting the most out of them. Most importantly, she’ll help you use creative briefs to tighten the link between goals, strategies, and tactics.

The webcast will be of value to anyone involved in the creative development process: (1) corporate and brand marketers (e.g. marketing communications, branding, advertising, product design, website development, naming, etc.), and (2) in-house or external creative services organizations (advertising agencies, design studios, freelance writers/designers, etc.).

The whole schmeer is here on the AMA Web site.

And they said there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Oh, lunch not included.

When I was in preschool, this was the grade I got in Cutting: "Needs Improvement".

While going over my report card during the Parent-Teacher conference, my mother said to my preschool teacher, "You know, I was really hoping Tim was going to be a surgeon".

Apparently, my preschool teacher didn't really get this joke. Possibly due to hordes of other parents saying things like this in all seriousness. (Say, those folks who shove a violin in their 3-year-old's hands.)

Working with Designers & Production Artists for 8+ years, I've seen my share of X-ACTO knife injuries. Not saying those folks were being sloppy, it's just a plain fact these knives are a LOT sharper than the scissors they give you in preschool.

Though knives aren't wielded in production as much as they once were, I still think this is a must have for every art department: The Kevlar and Stainless Steel Glove

The Web site touts, "a top choice for laceration protection" which, in layman's terms means, "The best bet for using an X-ACTO knife while talking to the Art Director about your wacky weekend."

These are popular in the restaurant industry where, apparently, Cornmeal Encrusted Trout with Heirloom Tomato Salsa cannot be created in Photoshop.

(Thanks to Cool Tools for the tip)

A little something for your Memorial Day weekend... From the Committee to Consolidate American Holidays 2006 newsletter:

As head of the Committee to Consolidate American Holidays, I would like to introduce you to the many benefits of adopting our revised holiday schedule to your current company calendar.

As I travel around the country speaking to CEOs and Vice Presidents of the Fortune 500, I hear executives complain about the same thing time and again: there simply isn't enough time in the day to get everything done.

I tell them, "I hear you, brother."

Considering the difficulty of completing all tasks in a day, doesn't it seems ridiculous that we add to our stress by taking off frivolous holidays, thus making a short workweek that much shorter?

Many American holidays, we have found, are nothing more than a way for businesses to get you to get a good deal on a mattress, new car, or digital camera.

And like the California King, too much of something is not always better.

Consider the argument I hear so frequently, that American holidays are negligible compared to those in Europe. To this I always reply, what was the last Really Big Thing to come out of Europe? Mad Cow Disease! Maybe if those people spent less time lounging outside of cafes smoking filtered cigarettes and contemplating nihilism, they would have figured out their plate of steak tartare was a ticking time bomb.

Not that our committee is rabidly anti-EU, but the idea of consolidating the US currency with Canada and Mexico's simply so we can spend our days in museums and lounging in the countryside is preposterous.

We Americans have always worked more than everyone in the world, which is exactly why everyone comes here! It's called The American Dream, not The American Daydream. To keep our economy strong, our country needs to keep working. Which means holidays like Columbus Day need to be reconsidered, even if the Postman needs heavily discounted linens.

This also means breaking up work for two hours on Valentine's Day to exchange, then overdose on chocolate (and spending the rest of the afternoon alternately bouncing off the walls then crashing) must come to a stop.

And the end of holidays like Thanksgiving, which encourage businesses to slow down or downright close on Friday, thus turning a four-day workweek into a three-day one.

So, in the spirit of Henry Ford, our committee has introduced a streamlined version of American Holidays for 2007. Not just those we customarily take off, like Memorial Day, but also those hijacked by drunkards, like St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo, in which everyone returns from a two-hour lunch then promptly falls asleep at their desks.

What we hope you'll see in our calendar are the very principles upon which our country was founded.

Feel free to tack this up in your staff lunchroom!

LIST OF CONSOLIDATED HOLIDAYS FOR 2007:

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS (No work. All occur on Fridays)

March 23: American Presidents', Civic Leaders', and Fallen Comrades' so put up the Flag and Celebrate Another Year of Working Day (Formerly MLK, Presidents', Armed Forces, Memorial, Labor, Veterans', and Flag Days)

August 17: Independent Overeating Day (formerly Independence and Thanksgiving Days)

December 21: Chriswanzikklaus (Formerly Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas Days)

WORKWEEK CELEBRATIONS (You must still report to work)

January 1: National Work with a Hangover Day (formerly New Year's Day)

November 1: Italioween (Formerly Columbus and Halloween Days)

First Tuesday after November 2: It's Okay to Vote By Mail Day

March 6: Let's Stay Sober Day or Mardi Leprechaunito (Formerly Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, and St. Patrick's Day)

July: National Eat Lunch at Your Desk Month (A BRAND NEW holiday!)

WEEKEND CELEBRATIONS (Saturdays or Sundays)

February 17: Wow, Thank You, Mom, Dad, Boss, Administrative Assistant, Loved One and/or Grandparent, Here's a Thoughtful Card Day (Formerly Mother's, Father's, Boss', Assistants', Grandparents', and Valentine's Day)

February 25: Willard Scott Day (Formerly Groundhog, Earth, and Arbor Days)

February 3: Super Bowl Saturday (Currently in negotiation with the NFL for 2007)

WEEKEND WORK CELEBRATIONS (Turn your staff's "weak-end" into a "workend"!)

April 7: Supervisor Sleepover!

July 14: Numbers 'n BBQ!

February 10, May 19, September 15, and November 17: Staff Meeting Sunday!

August 11 and 12: Kamp Konference Room!

Can't you just visualize the progress both you and your staff will make in 2007 just by implementing this easy to follow (not to mention fun) calendar?

We hope you won't let another business quarter slip by before you help bring our country back to the productivity levels of our forefathers.

We also have lovely wall calendars available on our Web site, each month incorporating a beautiful piece of art from a different Soviet-era poster artist.

Thank you for your time, and we hope you and yours have a happy Italioween!

Mimi Davis
Director, Committee to Consolidate American Holidays

If you're interested in joining our other group, the Committee for Eliminating Weekends, please e-mail me.

The Aquent ASAP Job List
"Up, With Olives"

Interested in a position?

PLEASE E-MAIL THE AGENT:

• A recent resume which reflects all the must haves
• A brief summary of how your experience matches the MUST HAVES
• Any samples, if requested

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THIS WEEK'S POSITIONS:

1. Copywriter
2. Print Designer
3. Traffic Manager
4. Account Executive
5. Advertising Assistant
6. Traffic Coordinator
   

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POSITION: Copywriter

TERMS: Two-Week Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 3+ years copy writing experience
• Business-to-Business Web sales writing

PERKS!:

• Great project work
• Work collaboratively with Designer on an online media kit
  

LOCATION:

• Woodland Hills
  

CONTACT AGENT

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POSITION: Print Designer

TERMS: Long-Term Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• High-end Key Art experience
• Gaming background is a plus
• Must submit samples of high-end Key Art to be considered by client for this position

PERKS!:

• Cool high-end gaming company
  

LOCATION:

• El Segundo
  

CONTACT AGENT

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POSITION: Traffic Manager

TERMS: Six-Month Freelance  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Print traffic experience
• Prior work in a fast paced or agency environment
• Medical/pharmaceutical/health care experience a plus

PERKS!:

• One of Fortune Magazine's "Best Companies to Work For"
  

LOCATION:

• Thousand Oaks
  

CONTACT AGENT

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POSITION: Account Executive

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 2 years of experience as Account Executive
• Strong client facing experience
• Background in both print and interactive

PERKS!:

• One of the largest agencies in SoCal
• Growth position

LOCATION:

• Westside
  

CONTACT AGENT

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POSITION: Advertising Assistant

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 1+ years of advertising experience
• Great organizational and strong communication skills
• Love of fashion/beauty a plus

PERKS!:

• Large beauty company
• Ability to do concept work, primary contact for magazines
• Great way to get your foot in the door in advertising
  

LOCATION:

• North Hollywood
  

CONTACT AGENT

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POSITION: Traffic Coordinator

TERMS: Freelance-to-Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 2+ years of traffic experience
• Direct mail experience a plus

PERKS!:

• Top agency in their industry
  

LOCATION:

• Woodland Hills
  

CONTACT AGENT

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IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS INTERESTED AND QUALIFIED:

Point your friend right to this link and have them drop your name to the Agent.

INTERESTED IN OTHER AQUENT POSITIONS?

Go here, my friend, then select Job Openings

* MyAquent users, use your UserName & Password to express interest in jobs. Everybody else, he registration is easy!

The JOB CENTER will track which jobs you've applied for and the current status.

H  O  T     T  A  L  E  N  T
The Newsletter of Aquent's Available Talent

M  A  Y   |   2  4   |   2  0  0  7
__________________________________________________

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "Thanks for the Ride, Mister"

Subscribe | Unsubscribe Information

__________________________________________________

HOT TALENT

Due to overwhelmingly popular demand, this newsletter will no longer be Podcast (i.e., downloadable to your MP3 player).

A big THANK YOU to all of you who gave us feedback regarding the author's belabored breathing, noisy page turning, and occasional outbursts at his dogs, Trixie & Dixie. We honestly thought he was going into a studio to record them.

We wondered why we could hear "The View" in the background.

While we sort things out, please visit a few of our top (and available) Aquent Talent, right here in our newsletter.

No heavy breathing. We promise.

Follow the links for profiles, samples, and resumes.

Enjoy!
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FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK

Charles M. - Web Art Director | Designer
Will A. - Flash Animator
Debbie E. - Proofreader | Copy Editor | Writer
Michael L.- Marketing Consultant
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Charles M.
Web Art Director | Designer

Just off assignment for us at NBC, Charles has ten years of experience designing full-featured, interactive Web sites for some very hot properties.

As a Senior Web/Flash Designer at Warner Bros. Online he created and executed award-winning theatrical sites and viral marketing projects from concept to completion, supervising teams of up to 10 Designers and Developers. His art direction can be seen on sites for Harry Potter, The Batman TV series, Scooby-Doo, March of the Penguins, Looney Tunes, and many more.

With a proven track record of translating client visions into well-branded, eye-popping sites, we know you're going to love the ROI Charles can provide!

See his on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent
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Will A.
Flash Animator

Will has over 7 years of experience in digital animation and design, most recently freelancing for companies such as Warner Brothers Animation and Disney Interactive.

He built and wrote the game version of Tim Burton's hit movie "The Nightmare Before Christmas", created the animated Stemi the Stem Cell character for "Bill Nye the Science Guy", and created animation and Webmercials for Weiden+Kennedy's mind-blowing AIWAWORLD site.

His other freelance work includes character animation for Belkin Electronics, Web animation for Jim Henson Studios, concepting and animating a Blink 182 music video, and much, much more.

Looking for a place to share ideas and work conceptually on collaborative projects, he's a well-loved (not to mention very gifted) Aquent Talent!

See his on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent

Skills: Adobe Photoshop, Macromedia Flash, HTML, Macromedia Dreamweaver, Macromedia Fireworks
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Debbie E.
Proofreader | Copy Editor | Writer

A Talent earning top marks on our tough proofreading assessment, Debbie's a Yale graduate who also holds a JD from University of Chicago Law School.

Her proofreading, editing, and writing experience spans virtually every industry imaginable and includes everything from marketing collateral and scripts to memoranda and motions.

She's a savvy and smart Aquent Talent available for freelance proofreading work from now until mid-summer.

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.

Desired Work: Freelance
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Michael L.
Marketing Consultant

A results-oriented marketing pro with more than 20 years of marketing, sales, public relations and advertising experience in Fortune 50 and rapid growth companies, Michael's background includes strategic and tactical marketing, brand development, product marketing and product launches. He's also developed highly successful sales collateral.

Which is a lot to fit on a business card, we admit.

His accomplishments include building and managing the first ever high performance B2B marketing department for Kaiser Permanente and achieving #1 in market share for Lucent Technologies. Michael has grown lead-producing revenues while reducing costs and has generated more than $80M in pre-release sales by creating and directing new product launch plans.

On top of all that, Michael has experience in event management, presentations, branding, and more for B2B, telecommunications and healthcare, like we said, it's too much to fit on a business card, so check out his Aquent profile by clicking here!

Desired Work: Freelance Consulting

Professional Categories: Brand Management, Channel Development, Product Management, Strategic Planning, Presentations
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THAT BIT AT THE END
"Thanks for the Ride, Mister"

The strangest thing happened to me a few months back.

I was driving downtown to go see that new exhibit on very small wooden figurines carved by 17th century French monks (I can't for the life of me remember what they are called) when I saw someone hitchhiking on Wilshire Blvd.

Wilshire Boulevard! Can you believe it? In broad daylight no less.

You can just imagine how surprised I was.

What was more surprising, I guess, was that I actually stopped and picked the guy up.

Picked him up! What was I thinking? How many times did my mother tell me, "Don't pick up hitchhikers!" And yet there I was, in the second largest city in the country picking up someone I didn't know.

Was I stupid? You be the judge.

This fellow was in his mid-30's and looked pretty clean. I had figured that if I gave him a lift at least as far as the museum, it wouldn't be any problem. I was going that way anyway.

That's what I thought at the time.

Well, he got into my car, introduced himself and then told me, yes, he would accept a ride as far as the museum.

You've heard this story before, right? Heard it a million times. We all know it and yet here it was happening to me in real life.

We were about five miles away from the museum when this fellow started reaching into his bag.

His bag! Jeez, I didn't even see he had a bag! That's exactly the kind of hitchhiker-picker-upper I am! But there it was, smack dab on the floor of MY car, a well-worn leather black satchel. I could tell that this bag had seen a lot of action, if you know what I mean.

I started sweating. I said to myself, "Think, John, you've got to think. What are you going to do if he pulls a gun on you, what then?"

It was precisely at that moment I remembered something: we would be driving RIGHT BY a police station on the way to the museum. If he pulled a gun, I could pull a quick right and we would be smack dab in front of a bunch of cops! The station was no more than three blocks ahead of us, and if the lights stayed green, by the time he pulled that sucker out, I could practically be on the stairs of that station.

But my timing was off. This guy started rummaging and fumbling with his bag, then the lights turned red. Then the guy started getting irritated that he couldn't find the thing he was looking for in his bag. And he started mumbling to himself, "Where the heck is...? What did I do with...?"

It was then I got really scared. I was soaked in perspiration and started praying that my family wouldn't have to go all the way to Mexico to pick up my body. I started thinking crazy thoughts like, "How much does it cost to ship a coffin from Mexico?" and "Why didn't I finish the Thompson Report?"

Then he found what he was looking for and started to pull it out of his bag!

"Here it is!" he exclamed.

Then the lights turned green and the police station was no more than 100 yards away. I wondered if I could make it in time. I stepped on it.

And then this guy pulled out a banana!

A banana!

I thought it was a gun, but it was a banana. One of those slightly brown kind that's a few days past ripe. Not quite old enough for making banana bread, but a little too old to be tasty.

It was a banana the whole time!

Can you believe it?

Where did this guy get off threatening me with a banana?

So I started yelling at him, "If you think you can intimidate me in my own car, Mister, you are quite mistaken!"

And he said, "Excuse me?"

I countered, "You know exactly what I'm talking about! That was a banana the whole time!"

He feigned innocence. "You don't want me to eat in your car?"

"No, I don't want you to KILL me in my car!" Then I pulled that very quick right into the police station.

"Where are you going?" he asked. Now HE was scared.

"Not where am I going, where are YOU going!" I told him. I wanted him to know that the shoe was on the other foot. I stopped the car.

"Dude, I am out of here," he said, then opened the door.

"And right into the slammer!" I yelled.

He hopped out of my car with that dubious black bag of his (I still can't believe I never even SAW it!) and closed the door.

I locked the doors and yelled out the passenger's window, "Good luck with the cops!" and got out of that place as fast as I could, I tell you.

It took about ten minutes for me to calm down, which was right around the time I got to the museum.

I learned my lesson all right: I will never, never, never pick up another hitchhiker again as long as I live.

And now I make sure I tell this story to every person I meet, whether they are in an office, on the street, or at a party.

But I don't think they're taking this warning seriously. I mean, that this could REALLY happen to anyone!

Otherwise, why would they be laughing when I finish the story?

I guess I just will never understand human nature.
__________________________________________________

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Also, please feel free to reply to give us updates on your contact information.

And of course, we'd love to hear your feedback!

__________________________________________________

Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Blogger | Stuff Coordinator

A Q U E N T
6100 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 500, Los Angeles, CA  90048
Phone: 323 634 7000 | Fax: 323 954 8517
tdonnelly@aquent.com

We represent more than 400,000 marketing and creative professionals around the globe.
Visit aquent.com to learn more.

The strangest thing happened to me a few months back.

I was driving downtown to go see that new exhibit on very small wooden figurines carved by 17th century French monks (I can't for the life of me remember what they are called) when I saw someone hitchhiking on Wilshire Blvd.

Wilshire Boulevard! Can you believe it? In broad daylight no less.

You can just imagine how surprised I was.

What was more surprising, I guess, was that I actually stopped and picked the guy up.

Picked him up! What was I thinking? How many times did my mother tell me, "Don't pick up hitchhikers!" And yet there I was, in the second largest city in the country picking up someone I didn't know.

Was I stupid? You be the judge.

This fellow was in his mid-30's and looked pretty clean. I had figured that if I gave him a lift at least as far as the museum, it wouldn't be any problem. I was going that way anyway.

That's what I thought at the time.

Well, he got into my car, introduced himself and then told me, yes, he would accept a ride as far as the museum.

You've heard this story before, right? Heard it a million times. We all know it and yet here it was happening to me in real life.

We were about five miles away from the museum when this fellow started reaching into his bag.

His bag! Jeez, I didn't even see he had a bag! That's exactly the kind of hitchhiker-picker-upper I am! But there it was, smack dab on the floor of MY car, a well-worn leather black satchel. I could tell that this bag had seen a lot of action, if you know what I mean.

I started sweating. I said to myself, "Think, John, you've got to think. What are you going to do if he pulls a gun on you, what then?"

It was precisely at that moment I remembered something: we would be driving RIGHT BY a police station on the way to the museum. If he pulled a gun, I could pull a quick right and we would be smack dab in front of a bunch of cops! The station was no more than three blocks ahead of us, and if the lights stayed green, by the time he pulled that sucker out, I could practically be on the stairs of that station.

But my timing was off. This guy started rummaging and fumbling with his bag, then the lights turned red. Then the guy started getting irritated that he couldn't find the thing he was looking for in his bag. And he started mumbling to himself, "Where the heck is...? What did I do with...?"

It was then I got really scared. I was soaked in perspiration and started praying that my family wouldn't have to go all the way to Mexico to pick up my body. I started thinking crazy thoughts like, "How much does it cost to ship a coffin from Mexico?" and "Why didn't I finish the Thompson Report?"

Then he found what he was looking for and started to pull it out of his bag!

"Here it is!" he exclamed.

Then the lights turned green and the police station was no more than 100 yards away. I wondered if I could make it in time. I stepped on it.

And then this guy pulled out a banana!

A banana!

I thought it was a gun, but it was a banana. One of those slightly brown kind that's a few days past ripe. Not quite old enough for making banana bread, but a little too old to be tasty.

It was a banana the whole time!

Can you believe it?

Where did this guy get off threatening me with a banana?

So I started yelling at him, "If you think you can intimidate me in my own car, Mister, you are quite mistaken!"

And he said, "Excuse me?"

I countered, "You know exactly what I'm talking about! That was a banana the whole time!"

He feigned innocence. "You don't want me to eat in your car?"

"No, I don't want you to KILL me in my car!" Then I pulled that very quick right into the police station.

"Where are you going?" he asked. Now HE was scared.

"Not where am I going, where are YOU going!" I told him. I wanted him to know that the shoe was on the other foot. I stopped the car.

"Dude, I am out of here," he said, then opened the door.

"And right into the slammer!" I yelled.

He hopped out of my car with that dubious black bag of his (I still can't believe I never even SAW it!) and closed the door.

I locked the doors and yelled out the passenger's window, "Good luck with the cops!" and got out of that place as fast as I could, I tell you.

It took about ten minutes for me to calm down, which was right around the time I got to the museum.

I learned my lesson all right: I will never, never, never pick up another hitchhiker again as long as I live.

And now I make sure I tell this story to every person I meet, whether they are in an office, on the street, or at a party.

But I don't think they're taking this warning seriously. I mean, that this could REALLY happen to anyone!

Otherwise, why would they be laughing when I finish the story?

I guess I just will never understand human nature.

A friend of mine who works for the LA County Museum of Art (or LACMA, if you must) just told me about this ongoing Bank of America promotion.

Present your B of A ATM, check, or credit card at any of the selected 95 museums across the US and you and a friend get free admission during the month of May. Though not a huge selection of museums in the local area (weirdly, LACMA is not one of them) if you'd been wanting to check out, say, the Japanese American National Museum,  Skirball Cultural Center, Ocean Institute, or the OC Museum of Art it's an inexpensive way to do it. (If you're reading in NYC, the pickings are a little more substantial: Guggenheim, MOMA, and the Whitney.)

You just have to pass for the gas or bus ticket.

All the details are here at B of A's promotion site.

Speaking of sponsored museum deals, LACMA is always free after 5pm, thanks to a sponsorship from Target. Details here. And the both the Getty Center and Getty Villa will only cost you $8 for parking, since entrance is always free.

Here's a fact I didn't know, and me a UCLA Extension student (from AIGA's site):

In 1990, UCLA Extension creative director InJu Sturgeon approached a 75-year-old Paul Rand with a request to design the cover of their winter quarter catalog. After much persuasion, Rand replied with a snow-covered orange that ended up making graphic design history. Since then, Sturgeon has recruited legends of design to contribute their interpretation of Southern California culture, resulting in one of the most sought-after continuing education catalogs in the country�some people collect these as if they were design magazines themselves.

All the covers can be viewed here at UCLA's site.

AIGA is hosting an exhibition of the UCLA Extension catalog covers from '90-'07 at the Pacific Design Center, with an opening reception on June 7th.

You can find all the information here on the AIGA site.

The Aquent ASAP Job List
"Make It A Double"

Interested in a position?

PLEASE E-MAIL THE AGENT:

• A recent resume which reflects all the must haves
• A brief summary of how your experience matches the MUST HAVES
• Any samples, if requested

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THIS WEEK'S POSITIONS:

1. Marketing Analyst / Consumer Insight Director
2. Presentations Specialist (Financial)
3. Digital Traffic Coordinator
4. Brand Manager
5. UI / Visual Designer
6. Print Production Manager
7. Print Project Manager
8. Sr. Web / UI Designer
9. NOC Engineer/Data Center Engineer

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Marketing Analyst / Consumer Insight Director

TERMS: Permanent (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 5+ years of experience in a marketing/advertising environment
• Consumer profiling and market research experience
• BA or MA

PERKS!:

• Work with a wide variety of clientele: entertainment, automotive, financial, etc.
  

LOCATION:

• Long Beach
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Presentations Specialist (Financial)

TERMS: Freelance-to-Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Excellent PowerPoint, Word, and Excel skills
• Experience creating presentations for financial services industry
• Strong charting and graphing abilities

PERKS!:

• Great central location
• Corporate, but laid back environment
• Permanent salary is $50K to $60K, DOE
  

LOCATION:

• Downtown
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Digital Traffic Coordinator

TERMS: Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Experience in a print, interactive, and/or broadcast creative services department
• Superior multitasking skills
• Pay is $20 an hour

PERKS!:

• International media company
  

LOCATION:

• Burbank
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Brand Manager

TERMS: Three-Month Freelance  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Brand management experience on one of the following: toys, gaming, home entertainment, or consumer products with families/moms as target market
  
• TV and print advertising and promotional campaigns experience
• Able to start ASAP for contract position

PERKS!:

• Company renowned for fantastic work/life balance
• Great support staff
  

LOCATION:

• Thousand Oaks
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: UI / Visual Designer

TERMS: Freelance-to-Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Solid understanding of user-centered design principles and careful attention to detail
• 3 years of experience as a key member of a UI team
• Understanding of current Web technologies including Flash
• Experience maintaining an entertainment online property: dynamic content, online editorial tools, editorial workflow, content creation, visual asset production, etc.

PERKS!:

• Major Internet player with strong entertainment ties
  

LOCATION:

• Santa Monica
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Print Production Manager

TERMS: Freelance-to-Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Direct mail experience
• 4 years of experience as a PPM in a fast-paced environment
• Extensive knowledge of print process, print buying, and postal regulations
• Agency background a plus

PERKS!:

• One of the top agencies in the country
• Hands on CEO
  

LOCATION:

• Woodland Hills
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Print Project Manager

TERMS: One-Month Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 5 years of project management experience
• Direct mail and agency experience
• Understanding of print process
• Prior work with Web deliverables a plus

PERKS!:

• One of the top agencies in the country
  

LOCATION:

• Glendale
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: NOC Engineer/Data Center Engineer

TERMS: Three-Month Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Experience monitoring a very large data center environment: 24/7 with 100% uptime
• EMC or other SAN experience
• Back-ups a must
• Windows and UNIX environments experience
• TV or media background ideal

PERKS!:

• Startup data center within a large entertainment company
  

LOCATION:

• Burbank
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS INTERESTED AND QUALIFIED:

Point your friend right to this link and have them drop your name to the Agent.

INTERESTED IN OTHER AQUENT POSITIONS?

Go here, my friend, then select Job Openings

* MyAquent users, use your UserName & Password to express interest in jobs. Everybody else, he registration is easy!

The JOB CENTER will track which jobs you've applied for and the current status.

Whether you agree with the content or not, The Meatrix site certainly deserves the accolades it's been given (a Webby, SXSW Film Festival Award, Web Marketing Assoc. Award, and more).

This campaign is well tied together complete with a good looking and quick loading Flash movie with an interactive button at the end (call to action).

The whole Sustainable Table site is filled with excellent information, easy-to-understand links, great graphics, and guides you can download to your iPod.

The whole site makes the visitor ready to be a one-man/woman marketing department: posters, graphics, bumper stickers, search boxes for Websites, brochures, short blurbs, long blurbs, and a whole lot more.

And the campaign's working, too. I've gotten two viral emails from friends already today.

Check it out by clicking here.

The winners: Natalie, Becky, Kerry (15 miles!), Andy, and I.

Wait, WE'RE ALL WINNERS! (bwaa haaaa....)

Aquent's Marketing Director just sent over some pictures from the Aquent Graphics Institute's well-attended CRE8 Conference in Florida last week.

Since I'm guessing I can't run the Mickey Mouse ones without trademark infringement, I'll post some other ones.

Not sure what Al Gore is talking about here. Something to do with the weather?

Our President of Consulting, Nina Eigerman, laughed while getting Al to vandalize company property.

Chris Moody, from Aquent's Robohead crew. Hey, how come his booth has a plasma TV and mine doesn't?

Marissa Mayer, VP Search Products & User Experience at Google, explains why her company kicks some serious butt.

It was almost like I was there!

I wonder what's the chances I'll get invited next year?

Anyone? Anyone?

We can proudly announce That Bit at the End is now 70% Certified Organic!

That is to say that no more than 30% of the material found in this column is pilfered from other sources like newspapers, television shows, trade magazines, or conversations we overheard in the elevator.

In keeping with the government's just released Organic Content Law of 2007, nearly every paragraph you read right here will not parody, mimic, or otherwise ape any previously spoken, written, or broadcasted observations, comments, or remarks.

Terrific news for anyone who tires of hearing the name Paris Hilton!

Under this new law, all material that is not Organic (original) in and of itself must be labeled with the percentage of material which is Non-Organic (borrowed).

What does this mean to you, the consumer? Good question!

Say you're watching a sidesplitting television sitcom and two of the characters decide to share an apartment. If those characters start to bicker and divide the apartment in half with masking tape, then the episode must be labeled as Non-Organic Comedy Material according to the new government guidelines; more so if the characters start making jokes about access to the bathroom and hallway.

That means the next time you see a plot that contains the "pretend you're my boyfriend/girlfriend/boss so I can impress my boss/parent/ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend," you will know ahead of time how much of the material will be fresh and how much of it will be borrowed from sitcoms dating back to 1952.

Also covered under this law is the first comedic impression of a politician (which will get an Organic Impression rating). Every subsequent impression of the original comedian's impression of that politician (i.e., anyone doing Rich Little's impression of President Nixon), will need to state they are working with 50% Post-Comedic Waste.

Henny Youngman routines are now outlawed.

Great news, huh?

Movies or TV shows that borrow a previously written plotline must now automatically be labeled 50% Non-Organic (for example a Taming of the Shrew storyline between two characters on CSI:Miami).

Any actor imitating another actor (for example, an actor imitating Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry) to play a scene, must expressly state the reference to the audience.

Likewise, any movie loses two Organic Points for each usage of phrases like "I'll be back" or "You had me at hello." For example, there would be a total loss of four Organic Points for an actor blurting out, "Here comes Johnny!" (impersonation of Jack Nicholson in The Shining who, in turn, was lampooning Ed McMahon). See the government's complete list of phrases at www.rehash.non-organic.gov. 

Hollywood must now cease and desist production of movies that were television shows in the 1970's.

Anyone performing The Rocky Horror Picture Show while the film is being projected above them can now be cited by the police.

Newspaper stories like "What really happened to JonBenet?" and "The Miracle Diet" will now bear the Non-Organic label due to their abnormally high Inorganic Content.

Also regulated are the Marketing expressions "New," "New and Improved," "New Packaging, Same Great Taste!" and "Wow, Did You Even LOOK at the Fat Content?"

Just so you know, the Content Law doesn't only apply to movies and journalism, our home and office lives will also be affected.

Around the office, any person using the term "bandwidth," expressing that "I'm trying to get my head around this," or threatening to "think outside the box" must mention that they are using Non-Organic Material.

Similarly, anyone asking a coworker ,"Whassup?!"

E-mails that have been forwarded but not read because the sender was too lazy to read them must now be labeled "Secondhand Material â€" Contents Unknown."

Fines will also be issued to any American citizen knowingly forwarding an amusing e-mail after removing the "FW:" subject heading. (The law states, "FW: e-mail heading may not be removed except by the consumer under penalty of law.")

In our own homes, anyone who asks if "I look fat in this," says something was "so last week," or pronounces "I'm not too drunk to drive" will be fined or (in the latter case) imprisoned.

Grudges will now be considered 50% Non-Organic, old grudges 70%, and fond memories a full 85%.

Embellishments of old stories will be discounted two Organic percentage points for each infraction thereof.

Déjà vu will be handled on a case-by-case basis.

Religious exclusions to the law include recitations of the Torah, Bible, and Koran and whatever it is that guy is doing on Venice Beach with candles and an altar.

Who says too much government is bad?

But back to us.

We're still exceedingly happy to announce that a full 70% of what you read right here is and will continue to be the freshest, most unsullied content available.

On the other hand, the other 30% is probably still going to be rehashed pap.

H  O  T     T  A  L  E  N  T
The Newsletter of Aquent's Available Talent

M  A  Y   |   1  6   |   2  0  0  7
__________________________________________________

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "Reduce, Reuse, Regurgitate"

Subscribe | Unsubscribe Information

__________________________________________________

HOT TALENT

It's only halfway through Q2 and we've already run through our quarterly allotment of exclamation points for these intros (as set by Aquent HQ).

It's just not going to be the same trying to get you excited about our wonderful Talent without using them.

Because we believe they're the best creative and marketing Talent on the face of the planet.

See?

Guess we'll just have to use twice as many exclamation points for the rest of the newsletter.

Be sure to follow the links for profiles, samples, and resumes.

Enjoy.

* sigh *
__________________________________________________

FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK!!

Maria M. - Web Designer | Front-End Developer!
Johanna B. - Designer!
Thea S. - Copy Editor | Proofreader!
Lei Lei S. - Marketing Coordinator!
__________________________________________________

Maria M.
Web Designer | Front-End Developer

A gifted Web Designer and Front-End Developer, Maria rocked our HTML and Photoshop assessments.

Did we say rocked? We meant to say she blew them away with a cannon.

Comfortable with CSS and well-versed in JavaScript, she's adept at designing both Web sites and corporate intranets. At entertainment company North American Midway, she handled all the artwork for Web sites, Flash programming, video editing, print ads, presentations, and promotional collateral, plus created and spearheaded their email marketing campaigns.

Working for one of California's leading full-service law firms, Maria worked on their statewide intranet designing layouts and solutions for the functionality of on-line forms and interactive content such as online training materials, calendars, and the like. She also designed much of the firm's promotional and marketing material.

An excellent (and blazing fast) Aquent Talent!

See her on-line Aquent profile: <http://search.aquent.com/talent?PROC=AWUIDrawViewWebProfileResult&src=9&ID=1_835615>

Desired Work: Freelance

Skills: Adobe Photoshop, HTML, JavaScript, Macromedia Dreamweaver, Macromedia Fireworks, Macromedia Flash, ASP, Adobe Acrobat, Adobe ImageReady, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft FrontPage, Microsoft Office, Microsoft PowerPoint, Microsoft Word, Outlook Express, QuarkXPress, Typing, Visio
__________________________________________________

Johanna B.
Designer

Fifteen years of diverse creative thinking within both agency and in-house environments, Jojo has produced outstanding work for the likes of Sony Pictures, Princess Cruises, Universal Pictures, Mitsubishi Motors, Disney, Cal Fed Bank, Jakks Pacific, and many more.

Her conceptual and organizational talents have helped her please many clients both on- and off-site, and she's able to handle everything from client pitch to stunning printed piece (including budgeting).

Her clean, elevated designs help set packaging, trade and consumer print ads, and whole identity systems far above the maddening crowd.

Available to handle all your on-site or off-site needs, check out her links for a peek at some of her terrific work!

See her on-line Aquent profile: <http://search.aquent.com/talent?PROC=AWUIDrawViewWebProfileResult&src=9&ID=1_229157>

Desired Work: Freelance

Skills: Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Photoshop, QuarkXPress
__________________________________________________

Thea S.
Copy Editor | Proofreader

Over 19 years of experience proofreading and editing for a bevy of clients, Thea's industry background includes health, technology, pharmaceutical, and publishing.

As a freelancer for Direct Partners, Kaiser Permanente, Amgen, LA Weekly, Symantec, Bowflex, and many others, she's proven she can handle everything from direct marketing and quarterly journals to brochures and clinical studies.

As Copy Editor for John Wiley & Sons working on the American Cancer Society's biweekly journal, she received their Pacesetter Award for her excellence and efficiency. Thea also has extensive experience with textbook editing and proofing.

As a bonus, she has excellent illustration skills, making her an even greater asset to any team!

Currently seeking Permanent work on a part-time basis, you'll be amazed the amount of work she can get done in 30 hours or less!

See her on-line Aquent profile: <http://search.aquent.com/talent?PROC=AWUIDrawViewWebProfileResult&src=9&ID=1_303076>

Desired Work: Permanent

Skills: Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Photoshop, QuarkXPress
__________________________________________________

Lei Lei S.
Marketing Coordinator

With over ten years of marketing experience, two focused on account management of interactive accounts, Lei Lei is a great fit for any company needing a top notch Marketing Coordinator with international experience.

While at Ising & Netzkern, a Web marketing and design agency in Germany, she interacted with the CEO, Project Managers, and clients to track product development by evaluating targeted profit analysis, effectiveness of marketing campaigns, and overall feedback from consumers.

For the past two and a half years, she's worked on product marketing for an import firm in California with with clients in the medical, entertainment, oil and automotive industries. She regularly plans marketing campaigns and manages clients' budgets.

Lei Lei also has outstanding public relations and project management capabilities and is a great multitasker. She has a background in Communications Analytics and a degree from University of Michigan in Business Economics and Global Media Studies.   

Did we mention she's fluent in English and Mandarin Chinese, with high proficiency in German?

We said she's international!

See her on-line Aquent profile: <http://search.aquent.com/talent?PROC=AWUIDrawViewWebProfileResult&src=9&ID=1_1084895>

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent
__________________________________________________

THAT BIT AT THE END
"Reduce, Reuse, Regurgitate"

We can proudly announce That Bit at the End is now 70% Certified Organic!

That is to say that no more than 30% of the material found in this column is pilfered from other sources like newspapers, television shows, trade magazines, or conversations we overheard in the elevator.

In keeping with the government's just released Organic Content Law of 2007, nearly every paragraph you read right here will not parody, mimic, or otherwise ape any previously spoken, written, or broadcasted observations, comments, or remarks.

Terrific news for anyone who tires of hearing the name Paris Hilton!

Under this new law, all material that is not Organic (original) in and of itself must be labeled with the percentage of material which is Non-Organic (borrowed).

What does this mean to you, the consumer? Good question!

Say you're watching a sidesplitting television sitcom and two of the characters decide to share an apartment. If those characters start to bicker and divide the apartment in half with masking tape, then the episode must be labeled as Non-Organic Comedy Material according to the new government guidelines; more so if the characters start making jokes about access to the bathroom and hallway.

That means the next time you see a plot that contains the "pretend you're my boyfriend/girlfriend/boss so I can impress my boss/parent/ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend," you will know ahead of time how much of the material will be fresh and how much of it will be borrowed from sitcoms dating back to 1952.

Also covered under this law is the first comedic impression of a politician (which will get an Organic Impression rating). Every subsequent impression of the original comedian's impression of that politician (i.e., anyone doing Rich Little's impression of President Nixon), will need to state they are working with 50% Post-Comedic Waste.

Henny Youngman routines are now outlawed.

Great news, huh?

Movies or TV shows that borrow a previously written plotline must now automatically be labeled 50% Non-Organic (for example a Taming of the Shrew storyline between two characters on CSI:Miami).

Any actor imitating another actor (for example, an actor imitating Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry) to play a scene, must expressly state the reference to the audience.

Likewise, any movie loses two Organic Points for each usage of phrases like "I'll be back" or "You had me at hello." For example, there would be a total loss of four Organic Points for an actor blurting out, "Here comes Johnny!" (impersonation of Jack Nicholson in The Shining who, in turn, was lampooning Ed McMahon). See the government's complete list of phrases at www.rehash.non-organic.gov. 

Hollywood must now cease and desist production of movies that were television shows in the 1970's.

Anyone performing The Rocky Horror Picture Show while the film is being projected above them can now be cited by the police.

Newspaper stories like "What really happened to JonBenet?" and "The Miracle Diet" will now bear the Non-Organic label due to their abnormally high Inorganic Content.

Also regulated are the Marketing expressions "New," "New and Improved," "New Packaging, Same Great Taste!" and "Wow, Did You Even LOOK at the Fat Content?"

Just so you know, the Content Law doesn't only apply to movies and journalism, our home and office lives will also be affected.

Around the office, any person using the term "bandwidth," expressing that "I'm trying to get my head around this," or threatening to "think outside the box" must mention that they are using Non-Organic Material.

Similarly, anyone asking a coworker ,"Whassup?!"

E-mails that have been forwarded but not read because the sender was too lazy to read them must now be labeled "Secondhand Material â€" Contents Unknown."

Fines will also be issued to any American citizen knowingly forwarding an amusing e-mail after removing the "FW:" subject heading. (The law states, "FW: e-mail heading may not be removed except by the consumer under penalty of law.")

In our own homes, anyone who asks if "I look fat in this," says something was "so last week," or pronounces "I'm not too drunk to drive" will be fined or (in the latter case) imprisoned.

Grudges will now be considered 50% Non-Organic, old grudges 70%, and fond memories a full 85%.

Embellishments of old stories will be discounted two Organic percentage points for each infraction thereof.

Déjà vu will be handled on a case-by-case basis.

Religious exclusions to the law include recitations of the Torah, Bible, and Koran and whatever it is that guy is doing on Venice Beach with candles and an altar.

Who says too much government is bad?

But back to us.

We're still exceedingly happy to announce that a full 70% of what you read right here is and will continue to be the freshest, most unsullied content available.

On the other hand, the other 30% is probably still going to be rehashed pap.

__________________________________________________

SUBSCRIBE | UNSUBSCRIBE INFO

If you don't want to receive any more of these newsletters, please reply with the word "remove" in the subject line. 

Also, please feel free to reply to give us updates on your contact information.

And of course, we'd love to hear your feedback!

__________________________________________________

Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Blogger | Stuff Coordinator

A Q U E N T
6100 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 500, Los Angeles, CA  90048
Phone: 323 634 7000 | Fax: 323 954 8517
tdonnelly@aquent.com

We represent more than 400,000 marketing and creative professionals around the globe.
Visit aquent.com to learn more.

You know you may be a little deranged when you feel the compulsion to blog every day, even with all the fires burning around you (sometimes literally).

It's a busy week, but I did want to let you know, I did manage to bike to work today. (Okay, drove and dropped my kids off at their schools then biked the 4 miles here. Don't want to be a liar.)

Looks like at least some of the Aquent office will be joining me on Thursday, for Bike to Work Day.

In case you haven't looked up a route from your house to work, try this link from BikeMetro, which allows you to choose your skill level (beginner, intermediate, advanced), your hill tolerance (mine is low), and if you want to use public transit on your route.  You might want to drive it the first time, I seem to remember selecting no hills and going up an extremely long, winding, busy, and hilly Silverlake Boulevard last year.

If you get a kick out of alternative transportation, then you'll love England's "walking school buses".

(P.S. I'll give some Aquent Silly Putty to the first person who can email me the origin of that quote in the title.)

I usually like to participate Los Angeles Bike to Work Week, at least riding a couple days out of that week (the promise that I'd start riding on Fridays after Daylight Saving Time started hasn't worked out so well). And I was kind of wondering, since it was already May, when I was going to start hearing about it. I got that answer today, when I opened my email at work. It started today. The email was sent Friday night.

Not that I'm the biggest "plan ahead" guy in the world, but wouldn't giving more than 48 hours worth of notice help bring more bicyclers onto the streets?

Just a thought.

Banners on lightposts might help, too. Like the ones they had for the extremely tiny Colfax Elementary School "World Fair".

Okay, I'll take of my Marketing hat for a moment (which is nice, because it's extremely heavy) and tell you, if you haven't thought about commuting to work by bike before, this is a good week to do it. Why?

1. You can have your bike blessed at Good Samaritan Hospital, if you feel that will make your ride safer
2. You can ride the bus or rail FOR FREE on Thursday, Bike to Work Day
3. Snacks, friends, and more at pit stops throughout LA (on Thursday) and Pasadena (all week)

Be sure to check out this Checklist provided by California Bike Commute before heading out. I mean, if you're the planning type (like me). If you're one of those people who doesn't mind coming to the office and discovering you forgot a change of clothes, don't bother.

If you're a Doer, you might want to check out the LA County Bike Coalition site, they're an advocacy group that sponsors some great rides (like the ice cream shop to ice cream shop one in LA) and events (like the bike based film screenings during this week).

Hey, if you're out there, let me know by posting a comment here or by emailing me.

Don't forget your helmet!

First off, you should read this post while listening to The Dub Pistol's version of Blondie's Rapture (choice 05 on their MySpace page).

Though it has nothing to do with the free Webcast we're helping host, “Successful Creative Briefs: Linking Business Objectives and Creative Strategies", it's still a good listen.

Back to business.

Next Thursday we'll join with the AMA to bring you a Webcast by creative consultant Emily Cohen who will give you advice on how creative briefs should be used to improve your development process. Here's the pitch:

Emily will provide concrete tips, tools, and techniques to ensure that your organization is not only creating great briefs, but also getting the most out of them. Most importantly, she’ll help you use creative briefs to tighten the link between goals, strategies, and tactics.

The Webcast will be of interest to anyone involved in the creative development process: (1) corporate and brand marketers (e.g. marketing communications, branding, advertising, product design, website development, naming, etc.), and (2) in-house or external creative services organizations (advertising agencies, design studios, freelance writers/designers, etc.).

And a bit on Emily's background:

Emily Cohen has been a consultant to creative professionals for over 20 years. She currently serves on the board of advisors of InSource, served as Secretary for the AIGA/NY Board of Directors and has taught classes and conducted seminars for many leading design schools and organizations. She's a frequent speaker and writer on business and creative issues.

The price of this event for you, my friend, is FREE.

Actually that's the price for everyone, but I did want you to feel special.

It's on Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 10:00 am P.D.T

Just go to this link right here to register.

Mention "Aquent" and get 10% off the Webcast price.

What's 10% of free again?

The Aquent ASAP Job List
"It's Like Thunder, It's Like Lightning"

Interested in a position?

PLEASE E-MAIL THE AGENT:

• A recent resume which reflects all the must haves
• A brief summary of how your experience matches the MUST HAVES
• Any samples, if requested

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THIS WEEK'S POSITIONS:

1. Catalog Designer
2. Web Designer
3. Direct Mail Marketing Manager
4. Brand Manager
5. Copywriter
6. Web Marketing Analyst
7. Conceptual Designer w/Illustration Skills

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Catalog Designer

TERMS: Permanent (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Strong hands-on InDesign skills (extensive experience with master pages and stylesheets)
• Must be able/willing to do both design and production
• Catalog experience
• Salary is $55K
• Please send samples of catalog work for consideration

PERKS!:

• Art direct photoshoots and oversee press checks
• Work with one of our favorite Art Directors!
  

LOCATION:

• Chatsworth
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Web Designer

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Hands-on skills in HTML, CSS, Photoshop, and Illustrator
• 3+ years professional experience in Web Design
• E-commerce experience
• Prior work in a search engine environment a plus

PERKS!:

• Company with a globally-recognized name
• Pay is very competitive
• Growing company expanding its business, building a whole new office space

LOCATION:

• Pasadena
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Direct Mail Marketing Manager

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 4+ years professional experience in marketing with 1 to 2 years as a manager
• Direct mail or direct response experience
• List management and CRM background
• Work in beauty industry is a plus

PERKS!:

• Fun, healthy environment that promotes well-being
• 1 day off a month to work at your favorite charity!
• Ping pong tournaments!

LOCATION:

• El Segundo
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Brand Manager

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 3 to 5 years of marketing experience
• Consumer brand and beauty/health care experience
• Bachelor's Degree in Marketing or related field

PERKS!:

• Fun, healthy environment that promotes well-being
• 1 day off a month to work at your favorite charity!
• Ping pong tournaments!  

LOCATION:

• El Segundo
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Copywriter

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Long copy and consumer direct mail experience
• At least 2 to 3 years experience as a professional copywriter
• Ability to write serious content for a health-conscious crowd
• Please submit samples of this kind of copy!

PERKS!:

• Fun, healthy environment that promotes well-being
• 1 day off a month to work at your favorite charity!
• Ping pong tournaments!

LOCATION:

• El Segundo
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Web Marketing Analyst

TERMS: Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 2 to 3 years in Web analytics, preferably in online advertising or e-commerce, looking at click behavior patterns, impact of online updates or changes, site traffic, and conversion rates
• Excellent project management and organizational skills
• Experience using Hitbox Web Analytics tool strongly preferred. Pluses include include Core Metrics, WebTrends, and Omniture
• $30 an hour

PERKS!:

• Work with some of the best people in the Web marketing and e-commerce fields
• Large entertainment company growing a new segment of online business

LOCATION:

• San Fernando Valley
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Conceptual Designer w/Illustration Skills

TERMS: Long-Term Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Strong conceptual design and illustration skills
• Edgy, youth-oriented design (i.e., anime, gaming, comic)
• A book of samples showing the above, plus comps to show process
• Ability to illustrate using Photoshop and Illustrator or hand drawing (doesn't matter)
• Pay is $35 an hour

PERKS!:

• Create packaging at a leading gaming company
• See your work on retailer's shelves
• Great new pieces for your book

LOCATION:

• LAX area
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS INTERESTED AND QUALIFIED:

Point your friend right to this link and have them drop your name to the Agent.

INTERESTED IN OTHER AQUENT POSITIONS?

Go here, my friend, then select Job Openings

* MyAquent users, use your UserName & Password to express interest in jobs. Everybody else, he registration is easy!

The JOB CENTER will track which jobs you've applied for and the current status.

When it's a stringed instrument.

Just got this insert with my last Snapfish order.

Read the copy carefully. More carefully than their Proofreaders, I mean.

If you could perfect the coffee mug that transforms into a viola when you add hot liquid, you're going to make a lot of subway-riding violists incredibly happy.

(Note to self: Update Spell Check on InDesign)

To: The Entire Company
From: Your CEO

Having returned from what could be the most energizing seminar of my life, I am asking each one of you to sit down and take a moment to read this short memo on our new company vision.

I spent last week in Sonoma with executives from top Fortune 500 companies to attend Dr. Ben David's seminar based on his best-selling book, "Prodigal Won: Putting Family Back into America's Corporations."

As I sat listening to Dr. David, I realized that as CEO of Thatcher & Sons, my company, if any, should reflect a family and not a corporate philosophy.  I mean a FAMILY name is our company name!

How many times had I said "hi" to Nancy at Reception (or whoever that is now)  and looked, I mean really looked at the family name which graces our ornate lobby in travertine marble letters?

Probably not since I waltzed in here the day after the hostile takeover.

So I got to thinking about this Thatcher person and his sons, wherever they may be now, and how I can bring a little more family back to this company.

Now before you go bellyaching that I'm going to cut your bonuses and 401(k) matching deposits again, I'm asking you to listen.

Why? Because, as CEO of this company, I am much like a father, the leader. It's my vision that gives us all direction. It's my leadership that tells us why we're doing what we're doing. And it's me who says we're not stopping at a lot of crappy outlet malls on the way to grandma's house.

The first thing I want to introduce is our new Family Vacation Policy. Thatcher & Sons has always been generous with our two-week vacation policy. And nearly everyone here takes his or her vacation, like most Americans, during the month of August. So it probably won't be a big stretch for all of us to take our vacation days at the same time.

Or in the same location.

Yes, I'm speaking of my private acreage in Missoula, Montana. As a new corporate family, we should spend more QUALITY time together, don't you think? And while vacationing on my property doesn't include access to my Jacuzzi or my 2,000 sq. ft. private bathroom, there is plenty of elbow room for every family in this company to stake their claim, put up the tent or RV, and have a rip roaring good time out on the range!

Can't you just smell the BBQ?

By the way, people, this is not optional. You will go on vacation with us or you will not go at all.

Secondly, from now on we will be eating lunch TOGETHER. Yes, no more, "wait until I finish this" or "I'll eat at my desk." When it's lunchtime I want you in the Dining Room, pronto!

If we're going to be a family, we have to start acting like one. Like my Dad used to say, "The family that drinks together..." well, that's not quite the expression, but I think you know where I'm going with this.

Our architects are already working on plans to convert our entire office space into a great big House: Family Room, Living Room, Kitchen, etc. by the end of 2007. All departments will be moved to different parts of our House as each section is completed.

What's that mean to you?

Well, it means if you're in Sales, get ready to bring your laptop, put on your sweats, and hit the Barcalounger to get some serious work done in the Family Room!

And if you are in Accounting, you will probably want to get used to the smell of cat litter.

Starting next week, we will also be dividing up all employees into Age Categories according to how long you've "lived" here.

Here's a general example: If you have been here 5 to 7 years, you will be considered a Teen. As a Teen you will now be able to dress for work however you want. You may also listen to your iPod wherever the heck you want, meetings included. However, the older members of the family ("Young Adults", "Step Brothers/Sisters", and "Grandparents") will be able to yell at you at any time for being the sloppy, cranky, resentful, smart-mouthed, good-for-nothing freeloader that you are.

Make sense?

All other Age Categories will be posted in the Dining Room on Monday.

What a great reason to stick around!

(As I side note, when I get "Home" I expect to be listened to. I do not want bickering or infighting. If I wanted that, I would've stayed at home with my own family.)

Under the new restructuring, it should make perfect sense that dating any other family member is nothing less than revolting and will not be tolerated. Any of you sickos already having a relationship with a sibling or parent will be sent for counseling immediately.

Though the data isn't in quite yet, companies who've initiated this sort of change have shown a whopping profit margin of over 300%! (Though some naysayers have pointed out that staff resignations are simply lowering overhead costs.)

This is just the beginning people. Soon we'll be driving to work together in the company mini-vans, picnicking, debating over what to put on the hold music, asking people in the bathroom, "Are you done yet?", borrowing each other's clothes without asking, doing chores, and just so much more!

Sound exciting? I hope so!

If it doesn't...

Tough toenails.

My family, my rules.

When you have your own family, you can do whatever the hell YOU want.

Now that Yahoo has released its search marketing platform (code name: PANAMA), does Google have something to fear?

iMedia this week takes a look at how the two stack up side-by-side in this article co-written by Andrew Goodman, author of "Winning Results with Google AdWords" and conference chairman, Search Engine Strategies Toronto 2007.

Rock hard, Yahoo!

H  O  T     T  A  L  E  N  T
The Newsletter of Aquent's Available Talent

M  A  Y   |   0  9   |   2  0  0  7
__________________________________________________

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "In a Family Way"

Subscribe | Unsubscribe Information

__________________________________________________

HOT TALENT

Which is better: someone who can help save you time, money, and thousands of dollars in high blood pressure medication or a poke in the eye with a very sharp stick?

If you've chosen the first, you're in good company! We've got hundreds of Aquent Talent ready to handle everything from building your brand and working wonders with InDesign to creating savvy presentations and rethinking your print routing processes.

If you've chosen the sharp stick, we're afraid we can't help you.

Unless, of course, you'd like a visit from the crabby guy who just installed our garbage disposal.

Just let us know.

Follow the links for profiles, samples, and resumes.

Enjoy!
__________________________________________________

FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK

Jennifer G. - Proofreader | Copy Editor
John O. - Graphic Designer
Mark N. - Web UI Designer | Information Architect
Faa'izah S. - Presentation Design Specialist | Microsoft Suite Guru
__________________________________________________

Jennifer G.
Proofreader | Copy Editor

An ivy-educated proofreader with extensive experience in a number of fields, in addition to Jennifer's work as a Copy Editor/Proofreader for two leading educational technology publications, she has also freelanced for numerous high-profile clients, including Kaiser Permanente, Union Bank of California, KB Home, Watson Wyatt Worldwide, Healthcare Communications Group, Kaiser Marketing, and Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation.

She's able to keep her cool in a fast-paced production cycle, perform extensive fact checking and research, and brings her experience in the legal, advertising, publishing, health care, technology, and financial fields everywhere she goes.

AP Stylebook? Chicago Manual of Style?

With aplomb.

You'll love her!

Click here to see her on-line Aquent profile.

Desired Work: Freelance

Skills: Adobe Acrobat, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Windows NT, Microsoft Word, Netscape Commerce Web Server, Outlook Express, Real Audio, WordPerfect
__________________________________________________

John O.
Graphic Designer

John's experience at high-profile magazines like The New Yorker and Architectural Digest shaped many of his key abilities which include excellent graphic design, art direction, typography, photography, and photo editing and creating polished work under very tight daily deadlines.

As a freelancer working with such clients as Warner Bros., Goldman Sachs, and Surfer Magazine, he's produced beautifully designed ads, press kits, posters, DVD packaging, Web banners, and advertorial promotions pieces. At Where Magazine, he created the art department hub in Los Angeles, designing publication layouts and covers while supervising design teams and working closely with vendors.

We'd be remiss if we didn't tell you his InDesign skills are second to none, scoring highest marks on our complex hands-on assessment.

We think you'll flip for his clean, bright work!

Click here to see his on-line Aquent profile.

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent

Skills: Adobe Illustrator, Adobe PageMaker, Adobe Photoshop, Microsoft Word, QuarkXPress
__________________________________________________

Mark N.
Web UI Designer | Information Architect

Mark just relocated from NYC and is actively looking for a freelance or permanent home in our own City of Angels.

Most recently part owner of a design firm, he developed and deployed sites for clients in the New York area, designing look and feel, encoding QuickTime content for Web, and coding in HTML. As Information Architect at Morgan Stanley, he developed specs, wireframes, and style guides for an intranet site for the company's financial consultants.

Working as Sr. UI Designer at Internet startup Metiom, Mark was responsible for the continued development and interface of the company's B2B and B2C e-marketplace. He's been Affiliate Webmaster for NBC Cable Networks (which included CNBC and MSNBC) and Database Designer for MJM Creative.

And he comes with two enthusiastic THUMBS UP from our Agents!

Click here to see his on-line Aquent profile.

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent

Skills: Visio, Omnigraph, ASP, , XML Adobe Photoshop, Apache, BBEdit, DHTML, FileMaker, HTML, Java Server Pages, JavaScript, Macromedia Director, Macromedia Dreamweaver, Macromedia Fireworks, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft Office, Microsoft Windows, ODBC, PHP, Real Video, UNIX, WordPerfect, Adobe Acrobat, Adobe GoLive, Adobe PageMaker
__________________________________________________

Faa'izah S.
Presentation Design Specialist | Microsoft Suite Guru

A top-notch Aquent Talent, Faa'izah has worked on everything from information coordination and assimilation at biotech giant Amgen to high-end creative presentations for Mattel and Goldman Sachs.

Nabbing highest scores on our tough PowerPoint assessment, she's gotten glowing client feedback everywhere that she's worked. Her presentations skill set includes basic work in Visio, Photoshop, and Illustrator, which she's used on everything from slideshows and road shows for projected presentations and computer kiosks.

On top of designing and producing both print and on-screen presentations, Faa'izah has extensive experience in office management and is a Microsoft Suite "Guru", handy for creating and organizing data sets, extensive lists, and creating templates.

She's available for freelance opportunities until late August.

Click here to see her on-line Aquent profile.

Desired Work: Freelance

Skills: Administration, Adobe Acrobat, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft Office, Microsoft PowerPoint, Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Word
__________________________________________________

THAT BIT AT THE END
"In a Family Way"

To: The Entire Company

From: Your CEO

Having returned from what could be the most energizing seminar of my life, I am asking each one of you to sit down and take a moment to read this short memo on our new company vision.

I spent last week in Sonoma with executives from top Fortune 500 companies to attend Dr. Ben David's seminar based on his best-selling book, "Prodigal Won: Putting Family Back into America's Corporations."

As I sat listening to Dr. David, I realized that as CEO of Thatcher & Sons, my company, if any, should reflect a family and not a corporate philosophy.  I mean a FAMILY name is our company name!

How many times had I said "hi" to Nancy at Reception (or whoever that is now)  and looked, I mean really looked at the family name which graces our ornate lobby in travertine marble letters?

Probably not since I waltzed in here the day after the hostile takeover.

So I got to thinking about this Thatcher person and his sons, wherever they may be now, and how I can bring a little more family back to this company.

Now before you go bellyaching that I'm going to cut your bonuses and 401(k) matching deposits again, I'm asking you to listen.

Why? Because, as CEO of this company, I am much like a father, the leader. It's my vision that gives us all direction. It's my leadership that tells us why we're doing what we're doing. And it's me who says we're not stopping at a lot of crappy outlet malls on the way to grandma's house.

The first thing I want to introduce is our new Family Vacation Policy. Thatcher & Sons has always been generous with our two-week vacation policy. And nearly everyone here takes his or her vacation, like most Americans, during the month of August. So it probably won't be a big stretch for all of us to take our vacation days at the same time.

Or in the same location.

Yes, I'm speaking of my private acreage in Missoula, Montana. As a new corporate family, we should spend more QUALITY time together, don't you think? And while vacationing on my property doesn't include access to my Jacuzzi or my 2,000 sq. ft. private bathroom, there is plenty of elbow room for every family in this company to stake their claim, put up the tent or RV, and have a rip roaring good time out on the range!

Can't you just smell the BBQ?

By the way, people, this is not optional. You will go on vacation with us or you will not go at all.

Secondly, from now on we will be eating lunch TOGETHER. Yes, no more, "wait until I finish this" or "I'll eat at my desk." When it's lunchtime I want you in the Dining Room, pronto!

If we're going to be a family, we have to start acting like one. Like my Dad used to say, "The family that drinks together..." well, that's not quite the expression, but I think you know where I'm going with this.

Our architects are already working on plans to convert our entire office space into a great big House: Family Room, Living Room, Kitchen, etc. by the end of 2007. All departments will be moved to different parts of our House as each section is completed.

What's that mean to you?

Well, it means if you're in Sales, get ready to bring your laptop, put on your sweats, and hit the Barcalounger to get some serious work done in the Family Room!

And if you are in Accounting, you will probably want to get used to the smell of cat litter.

Starting next week, we will also be dividing up all employees into Age Categories according to how long you've "lived" here.

Here's a general example: If you have been here 5 to 7 years, you will be considered a Teen. As a Teen you will now be able to dress for work however you want. You may also listen to your iPod wherever the heck you want, meetings included. However, the older members of the family ("Young Adults", "Step Brothers/Sisters", and "Grandparents") will be able to yell at you at any time for being the sloppy, cranky, resentful, smart-mouthed, good-for-nothing freeloader that you are.

Make sense?

All other Age Categories will be posted in the Dining Room on Monday.

What a great reason to stick around!

(As I side note, when I get "Home" I expect to be listened to. I do not want bickering or infighting. If I wanted that, I would've stayed at home with my own family.)

Under the new restructuring, it should make perfect sense that dating any other family member is nothing less than revolting and will not be tolerated. Any of you sickos already having a relationship with a sibling or parent will be sent for counseling immediately.

Though the data isn't in quite yet, companies who've initiated this sort of change have shown a whopping profit margin of over 300%! (Though some naysayers have pointed out that staff resignations are simply lowering overhead costs.)

This is just the beginning people. Soon we'll be driving to work together in the company mini-vans, picnicking, debating over what to put on the hold music, asking people in the bathroom, "Are you done yet?", borrowing each other's clothes without asking, doing chores, and just so much more!

Sound exciting? I hope so!

If it doesn't...

Tough toenails.

My family, my rules.

When you have your own family, you can do whatever the hell YOU want.

__________________________________________________

SUBSCRIBE | UNSUBSCRIBE INFO

If you don't want to receive any more of these newsletters, please reply with the word "remove" in the subject line. 

Also, please feel free to reply to give us updates on your contact information.

And of course, we'd love to hear your feedback!

__________________________________________________

Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Blogger | Stuff Coordinator

A Q U E N T
6100 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 500, Los Angeles, CA  90048
Phone: 323 634 7000 | Fax: 323 954 8517
tdonnelly@aquent.com

We represent more than 400,000 marketing and creative professionals around the globe.
Visit aquent.com to learn more.

Okay, dang.

This is the current view out my front window:

Sorry about the terrible shot.

I got home at 5 today and saw what I believed would be the last of the Griffith Park fire, only to watch it get worse and worse from my neighbor Dave's lawn. (He writes for E.T.'s site, if you're at all interested.)

My wife, Dave, me, and all my neighbors stared across the freeway and LA River as this massive wildfire just raced down the hill. We're okay, we're on this side of it, what we're concerned about is all those folks living on the other side, and it being 10:30pm and the fire only being 30% contained.

As of now, the only thing that's been damaged in the massive park (bigger than NY's Central Park) is Dante's View and part of a bird sanctuary. But the night is early. Hopefully, by the time I get up, the firemen from all over Southern California will have done their amazing work and it will be over. Though it's not looking good for the rest of the fire season as this is one of the driest years on record.

In the meantime, it looks like it's going to be a long night of helicopters and sirens.

A fair exchange if you ask me.

(Post Script: Here's a better picture from my neighbor. Be sure to check out her and her boyfriend's beautiful work on their Flickr site)

I've officially found the funniest Widget.

Though it's not such a laughing matter that Houston has that most accident-prone light rail system in the world (almost 20 times the national average according to the ActionAmerica Web site), but creating a widget that counts the accidents is not only hilarious, it might just cause the city of Houston to do something about it.

For the good of society maybe someone can create widgets counting how many times Paris Hilton breaks her parole or (just for fun) Adam Carolla cringes when Danny Bonaduce opens his mouth.

The widget is available here on Apple's site.

The Aquent ASAP Job List
"Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?"

Interested in a position?

PLEASE E-MAIL THE AGENT:

• A recent resume which reflects all the must haves
• A brief summary of how your experience matches the MUST HAVES
• Any samples, if requested

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THIS WEEK'S POSITIONS:

1. Community Manager
2. Creative Director
3. Interactive Marketing Analyst
4. Marketing Project Manager
5. Meeting Coordinator
6. Senior Web Designer in Tampa!
7. Traffic Manager
8. Traffic Manager (Print & Online)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Community Manager

TERMS: Freelance-to-Permanent (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 3+ years of experience as an Online Community Manager for major consumer or entertainment site(s)
• Understanding or familiarity with HTML, XML, CSS, Flash, and Photoshop
• Web production background ideal
• Gaming experience and/or experience with children's products preferred

PERKS!:

• Fantastic, growing team
• Exciting projects linked with movies

LOCATION:

• Glendale

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Creative Director

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Experience as a Creative Director managing large teams of Designers, Copywriters, and other creative staff on print projects (packaging, print advertising, etc.)
• Extensive experience pitching to and strategizing with high-level internal/external clients
• Entertainment background
  

PERKS!:

• Awesome entertainment studio
• Highly creative work
• Department fully supported by management with resources, etc.
• Global leader in the industry
  

LOCATION:

• LAX area   
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Interactive Marketing Analyst

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• 1 to 2 years of experience analyzing interactive advertising including click-thru rates, conversions, and ROI
• 1 to 2 years of experience developing interactive strategy including advertising objectives, tactics, and creative briefs
• Ability to work cross-functionally within an agency
• Salary is $65K

PERKS!:

• Leading national advertising agency
  

LOCATION:

• Long Beach
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Marketing Project Manager

TERMS: Permanent (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Merchandising, point of sale, and packaging experience
• Mass retailer experience preferred

PERKS!:

• Global brand
• Great, fun team
  

LOCATION:

• Long Beach

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Meeting Coordinator

TERMS: Long-Term Freelance (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Adobe Acrobat expert
• Ability to take fast notes in meetings
• Knowledge of medical terminology a plus
• Trafficking a plus

PERKS!:

• Pay is $25 to $28 an hour
• One of Fortune 100's Best Companies to Work For
  

LOCATION:

• Thousand Oaks
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Senior Web Designer in Tampa!

TERMS: Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Solid understanding of graphic design principles, typography, top notch Flash design skills, and a stellar portfolio with agency/retail experience
• Ability to work closely with engineers to create new large scale Flash based Web sites, Web apps. and standalone assets
• Heavy emphasis on creative design with a "think out of the box" mentality
• Must be able to understand and follow creative briefs & technical specs

PERKS!:

• Competitive salary, excellent benefits, and relocation assistance!

LOCATION:

• Sunny Tampa, Florida
• Close to Disney, Miami and all of the beautiful beaches!!

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Traffic Manager

TERMS: Freelance-to-Permanent  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• At least 3 years of agency experience
• Print traffic experience
• Pay is $25 an hour and $50K to $60K for permanent salary

PERKS!:

• Largest marketing company in their industry
• Really nice team
  

LOCATION:

• El Segundo
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POSITION: Traffic Manager (Print & Online)

TERMS: Long-Term Freelance  (On-Site)

MUST HAVES!:

• Traffic experience in both on-line and print
• Print production management background or knowledge
• Prior work in a fast-paced or agency environment   
  

PERKS!:

• Small, casual environment that is part of a large, entertainment based-organization
  

LOCATION:

• Westside
  

CONTACT AGENT

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS INTERESTED AND QUALIFIED:

Point your friend right to this link and have them drop your name to the Agent.

INTERESTED IN OTHER AQUENT POSITIONS?

Go here, my friend, then select Job Openings

* MyAquent users, use your UserName & Password to express interest in jobs. Everybody else, he registration is easy!

The JOB CENTER will track which jobs you've applied for and the current status.

Thanks to all who showed up at the Kernspiracy Portfolio Review that we sponsored last night.

Far as we can figure, 60+ people were inside and out of the newly expanded Machine Project in Echo Park for two hours of a minglin', reviewin', and wine/beer/water sippin' good time.

Everyone I talked to came away with (far as I can tell) some pretty insightful info about their books. Thanks to Spencer from Kernspiracy for putting this shindig together.

If you went, feel free to email me or leave a comment (in case I didn't talk to you last night), I'd love to hear what you thought.

(And boy do I hate Typepad's ability to lay out pictures. Apologies to all the Designers among you.)

 

H  O  T     T  A  L  E  N  T
The Newsletter of Aquent's Available Talent

M  A  Y   |   0  4   |   2  0  0  7
__________________________________________________

IN THIS ISSUE:

Hot Talent

Featured Talent This Week

That Bit at the End - "From Nigeria With Love"

Subscribe | Unsubscribe Information
__________________________________________________

HOT TALENT

Hello from South of the Border!

We've come all the way to Tijuana for an extended Cinco de Mayo weekend to prove that our Talent stand head and shoulders above every other Talent in the USA or any other country.

Better, say, than that guy getting his picture taken on a donkey painted like a zebra.

And far, far superior to that lady having Tequila shooters applied by three waiters.

Okay, we didn't expect to find much competition among the turistas down here in Tijuana, but it was the only way we could get our boss to pony up the dough for an off-site event.

Speaking of ponies, we're already late for horse racing.

So, we'll leave you with four terrific Talent who knock the socks off the competition all over North America.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Follow the links for profiles, samples, and resumes.

Enjoy!
__________________________________________________

FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK

Coburn H. - UI Design | Developer
Justin S. - Web & Tech Project Manager
Elizabeth O. - Editor | Proofreader
Lisa H. - Account Director
__________________________________________________

Coburn H.
UI Design | Developer

Just recently back at Aquent, Coburn is a gifted Web Designer and Developer who comes at his work from the technical side. He's led creative teams in custom software development, internal- and external-facing sites, and ecommerce environments.

Coburn has both strong design skills and the technical acumen to apply them on an enterprise level, which he's done for us at NBC.com, Public Interest, and Earthlink. While at Venice Consulting his client roster included Hilton Hotels, Buy.com, Fox Sports, Goldsmith Seeds, Shea Homes, Morgan Samuels, Millie & Severson, Pure Link, and Ladera.

His hands-on skills include some seriously strong HTML/DHTML, CSS, Photoshop, PHP, plus familiarity with JavaScript and ASP.

Speaking of serious, if you're interested call or email us today. We're pretty sure he's not going to be around long!

See his on-line Aquent profile by clicking here!

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent

Skills: Adobe Acrobat, Adobe ImageReady, Adobe Photoshop, DHTML, HTML, Macromedia Dreamweaver, Macromedia HomeSite, Microsoft IIS, Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Windows NT, Microsoft Word, Visio

__________________________________________________

Justin S.
Web & Tech Project Manager

Justin is a PM with both creative and front-end and back-end Web development experience and an extensive engineering background to boot.

Most recently at technology and creative solutions provider KT Media, Justin oversaw a team of 5 and managed the development and maintenance of numerous Web projects from concept to completion, many times writing full life cycle specifications. As Project Manager and Software Engineer at Universal Electronics, he was project leader of a team of 3 and responsible for 9 Windows apps imperative to the company for processing valuable data.

From creating Web apps to managing Designers and Programmers, he's an Aquent Talent we know you're going to love!

See his on-line Aquent profile by clicking here!

Desired Work: Permanent

__________________________________________________

Elizabeth O.
Editor | Proofreader

If she finds a typo in here, she's going to kill us...

What would you say if we told you Elizabeth came into our office and scored highest marks on our proofreading assessment? How about if we added that she had financial, scientific, government, and direct mail experience?

What we said was, "Where have you been all our lives?"

A highly skilled freelancer, Elizabeth is an expert in many different editorial styles and coordinates easily with clients to ensure timely delivery of every document. She's reviewed FAA documents to guarantee they meet the regulatory drafting guidelines of the Federal Register, edited on-line and hard copy scientific and non-technical documents, and edited and cross-checked references for documents in the health-related sciences for government clients.

That's just the tip of the iceberg.

And best of all, she's available now!

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here!

Desired Work: Freelance

Skills: Microsoft Word, Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Excel, Adobe PageMaker, Adobe Photoshop, Microsoft PowerPoint, Adobe Acrobat, Administration
__________________________________________________

Lisa H.
Account Director

Lisa has over 10 years of advertising and marketing experience who loves both new business development and servicing accounts.

Serving a dual role as Account Director/Business Development Director at MGH Advertising in Baltimore, she was responsible for strategic planning, marketing plans, research, development and tactical implementation and management for agency clients. Her accounts included Miss Utility, a consortium of utility companies, Johns Hopkins University Press, and Maryland Film Festival.

As Director of Creative Services at Catholic Relief Services, she headed the entire creative department for the worldwide non-profit relief organization, overseeing the creation of Web sites, events, collateral, outdoor, direct mail, and broadcast advertising.

A stellar Aquent Talent!

See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here!

Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent
__________________________________________________

THAT BIT AT THE END
"From Nigeria With Love"

From Dr. Andrew A. Okoya

URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL FROM NIGERIA

This e-mail missive may come to you as a surprise as it is coming from someone you have not met before.

Please do not be alarmed, as my colleagues and myself have investigated your corporation quite thoroughly and have come to the conclusion that you would be the ideal person to handle this very sensitive and private business matter, dear sir or madam.

I am a civil adviser in Nigeria, and I am currently working with the monitoring committee overseeing a petroleum trust fund. My colleagues and I need to transfer US $25 million into reliable foreign bank accounts and we were hoping you would be of assistance.

Before you become overly concerned about where these funds are originating, I will inform you they were generated from the over-invoicing of contracts executed for the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation and discovered by our committee while reviewing the accounts. These contracts have all been executed and the contractors all paid.

The money, it seems, has magically appeared out of nowhere.

This is why we are contacting you at this time for either your personal or business account into which we can deposit this money.

What else could we possibly do with all this cash?

At first we debated using it to help the millions of needy Nigerians in our troubled country, but after much discussion we all thought of you.

We imagined you could use the money to buy one of those new hybrid cars, so you can help save the environment. That's a cause you are interested in, correct?

You could afford to buy everyone in your office a hybrid car.

Think of the gallons of gas your country will no longer have to pump out of wells in some foreign land to operate your lumbering SUVs!

In fact, how else are you going to save the Earth without giving us your bank account number so we can transfer 20% of $25 million into it?

If you're wondering where the rest of the 75% is going, you're much smarter than you look. 70% is going to myself and my esteemed colleagues, as we were the ones who caught this error in the first place. Finders keepers and all that.

The other 5% will be for contingency expenses like faxing, overnight shipping, and for some nice plants for around the office.

I must tell you now that for reasons of confidentiality, I will need you to respond through e-mail only, not by fax or telephone. As you may well know, any imbecile can tap a telephone line, but the Internet still remains the most secure place to send confidential information. It is even superior to handing money to someone in broad daylight in a well-populated area. (There was a special on just such this thing on BBC back in February. I'll see if we can send you the tape.)

All we need from you now is:

(1) you and your company's name and full address
(2) your banker's name, address, telephone and fax numbers
(3) the account number
(4) you or your wife's maiden name
(5) where you hide the key outside your apartment
(6) a six-letter word for "agriculturist"

In no way should you find it suspicious that we have neither your company's name nor your own.

We also wish to assure you that your involvement, should you decide to assist us, will be well protected and that this business proposal is 100% risk-free.

In fact, if you receive another unsolicited letter from Nigeria that offers you a better, more secure deal, we will give you your money back plus a $10 Starbucks gift card.

Yes, we're just THAT sure you're going to LOVE this irregular business proposition!

Thank you so much for your anticipated cooperation. We look forward to a mutually benefiting business relationship with you.

Perhaps we could arrange a nice lunch after this matter is all over. How does that sound? Thursdays work best for us.

Once again, we do stress that you handle this delicate arrangement with the utmost secrecy.

If you decide to decline this offer, you should delete this email. But not before checking around your office to see if anyone knows a six-letter word for "agriculturist".

We could really use that.

Faithfully yours,

Dr. Andrew A. Okoya, DDS
__________________________________________________

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If you don't want to receive any more of these newsletters, please reply with the word "remove" in the subject line. 

Also, please feel free to reply to give us updates on your contact information.

And of course, we'd love to hear your feedback!

__________________________________________________

Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Blogger | Stuff Coordinator

A Q U E N T
6100 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 500, Los Angeles, CA  90048
Phone: 323 634 7000 | Fax: 323 954 8517
tdonnelly@aquent.com

We represent more than 400,000 marketing and creative professionals around the globe.
Visit aquent.com to learn more.

From Dr. Andrew A. Okoya

URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL FROM NIGERIA

This e-mail missive may come to you as a surprise as it is coming from someone you have not met before.

Please do not be alarmed, as my colleagues and myself have investigated your corporation quite thoroughly and have come to the conclusion that you would be the ideal person to handle this very sensitive and private business matter, dear sir or madam.

I am a civil adviser in Nigeria, and I am currently working with the monitoring committee overseeing a petroleum trust fund. My colleagues and I need to transfer US $25 million into reliable foreign bank accounts and we were hoping you would be of assistance.

Before you become overly concerned about where these funds are originating, I will inform you they were generated from the over-invoicing of contracts executed for the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation and discovered by our committee while reviewing the accounts. These contracts have all been executed and the contractors all paid.

The money, it seems, has magically appeared out of nowhere.

This is why we are contacting you at this time for either your personal or business account into which we can deposit this money.

What else could we possibly do with all this cash?

At first we debated using it to help the millions of needy Nigerians in our troubled country, but after much discussion we all thought of you.

We imagined you could use the money to buy one of those new hybrid cars, so you can help save the environment. That's a cause you are interested in, correct?

You could afford to buy everyone in your office a hybrid car.

Think of the gallons of gas your country will no longer have to pump out of wells in some foreign land to operate your lumbering SUVs!

In fact, how else are you going to save the Earth without giving us your bank account number so we can transfer 20% of $25 million into it?

If you're wondering where the rest of the 75% is going, you're much smarter than you look. 70% is going to myself and my esteemed colleagues, as we were the ones who caught this error in the first place. Finders keepers and all that.

The other 5% will be for contingency expenses like faxing, overnight shipping, and for some nice plants for around the office.

I must tell you now that for reasons of confidentiality, I will need you to respond through e-mail only, not by fax or telephone. As you may well know, any imbecile can tap a telephone line, but the Internet still remains the most secure place to send confidential information. It is even superior to handing money to someone in broad daylight in a well-populated area. (There was a special on just such this thing on BBC back in February. I'll see if we can send you the tape.)

All we need from you now is:

(1) you and your company's name and full address
(2) your banker's name, address, telephone and fax numbers
(3) the account number
(4) you or your wife's maiden name
(5) where you hide the key outside your apartment
(6) a six-letter word for "agriculturist"

In no way should you find it suspicious that we have neither your company's name nor your own.

We also wish to assure you that your involvement, should you decide to assist us, will be well protected and that this business proposal is 100% risk-free.

In fact, if you receive another unsolicited letter from Nigeria that offers you a better, more secure deal, we will give you your money back plus a $10 Starbucks gift card.

Yes, we're just THAT sure you're going to LOVE this irregular business proposition!

Thank you so much for your anticipated cooperation. We look forward to a mutually benefiting business relationship with you.

Perhaps we could arrange a nice lunch after this matter is all over. How does that sound? Thursdays work best for us.

Once again, we do stress that you handle this delicate arrangement with the utmost secrecy.

If you decide to decline this offer, you should delete this email. But not before checking around your office to see if anyone knows a six-letter word for "agriculturist".

We could really use that.

Faithfully yours,

Dr. Andrew A. Okoya, DDS

This story in The New York Post cites that lawmakers are introducing 15 bills in 13 states that would "create some sort of 'do not mail' registry". That's according to their chat with the Direct Marketing Association.

I'm not sure if they're overstating the case, DM News says it's four 'do not mail' bills in three states, according to their interview with Jerry Cerasale of the DMA, but still this may be worth watching, even though the bills seem to be moving slowly and the one in Colorado was recently killed.

Though it may seem like an odd marriage, the U.S. Postal Service is one of the do not mail registry's biggest opponents, arguing that their profits would be "devastated without the revenue from ad-related mail", according to the Post.

Smart move, as the number of direct mail pieces sent last year (including catalogs) was up 15% from 5 years ago, and estimated $59.6 billion dollars.

Then again, what if savvy marketers used that money to pay off part of the national debt? Maybe opting for a branded piece of the White House or something?

Just a thought.

Two words:

Meat Raffle

Every Saturday at 2pm at the Hexagon Bar in Minneapolis.

Bring your cooler just in case you win.

(Thanks to Bart, whose brother will be appearing at the bar for some local live music. SXSW watch out!)

There are reasons I like to be in a room alone when I'm writing. One, the sound of the ever-ringing phone at Aquent is finally quieted. Two, I can talk to myself without anyone else in the room thinking I'm crazy. (Sharon...)

The third is the one that causes me the most irritation, I go into a room so no one can stand behind me and read while I'm doing my work. My wife did this a few nights ago while I was blogging.

I stopped.

"Whatcha doin' back there, Wend?" I asked

"Oh, just looking," Wendy told me, still standing behind me.

"Um, can you not do that? I'm trying to write. It's kind of personal."

She retorted, "Personal? This thing that you're putting up on your blog so thousands of people can see?"

"It's only personal now. Once it's up it'll be public. You can go back and read it when I'm done."

She did leave, but only after I threatened to write something about her (instead of saving it until today).

I've heard Designers say the same thing about people commenting while they're working.

"Shouldn't that image be a little more to the left?"
"Does that font seem small?"

Constructive criticism is good when it's after your work is completed, when you've already signed of on a draft or version, but man is it irritating when you're in the midst of the creative process.

Honestly, people, we'll get back to the font and the comma issues before we give you the draft. If we haven't, then you can go ahead and point it out.

In the meantime, please don't irritate the heavily caffeinated creative.

Why don't you ask them if they want a cookie instead?

Cookies are good.

Especially during the creative process.