First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who help make our staff holiday party this year an incredibly successful one. For those of you who managed to miss it (and I was personally unaware we had so many migraine sufferers in our office), you were sorely missed, and we look forward to you attending next year's Party of the Year.
I do have a few notes for those of you who did attend our event. I'll keep this as brief as possible, for legal considerations more than anything, as I have all the time in the world until my ship leaves for Aruba the day after tomorrow.
First and foremost, Janice from our payroll department will not be in the office for the remainder of the week, as she is recovering from a bad bout with the "flu." She has already phoned in to personally apologize to me for grabbing the karaoke microphone and blurting out employees' gross wages until being tackled off the stage by our crack intern, Tommy. Please let this episode pass into history quietly.
Sadly, my Executive Assistant, Alex Gorman has decided to pursue his career options elsewhere. I wanted you to know that in no way did this decision have anything to do with his preposterous biting-his-lower-lip-and-throwing-hands-over-his-head-while-exposing-his-naked-belly style of "dancing" he displayed at our company function for every song from Donna Summer's "Bad Girls" to Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler". We wish Alex all the best in his future elsewhere.
Once again, as in the pre-party memo, I'd like to mention that the supply closet is not a place to find out more about your coworkers. This is not what is meant by "the season of sharing."
A number of complaints were lodged about the type of food served at the party. While I'm the first to admit red spaghetti and green meatballs is not exactly an ideal food to be served as a fingers-only appetizer at an office party, I believe our catering staff was just trying to capture the spirit of the season.
Any of you who demanded bonuses from your truly after taking one too many trips to the punch bowl will be finding a nice surprise in this week's pay envelope. Please remember to leave tape dispensers, staplers, and other office supplies on company property before exiting the building.
Regarding the incident involving one of our board members being placed in the Paper Only recycling bin: it never happened.
If you are the staff member who hired the "entertainment" for our party, Marc Paul, Hypnotist/Ventriloquist/Animal Rights Activist, please see me today.
Whoever was shooting pictures of their backside on the office copier (and we're pretty sure we can identify who you are), this is a valuable piece of company property and not a toy to be used at your disposal. The cost to replace the glass plate on the Canon PF6000 is approximately $455, not including labor. Note to the wise: We have been laughing at your rear end for years now, we don't need a "take home" for our families and loved ones.
Once again, thank you all for coming, and for those of you who couldn't make it, I hope we will see you next year!
Please enjoy your holidays and have a safe and Happy New Year.
I do have a few notes for those of you who did attend our event. I'll keep this as brief as possible, for legal considerations more than anything, as I have all the time in the world until my ship leaves for Aruba the day after tomorrow.
First and foremost, Janice from our payroll department will not be in the office for the remainder of the week, as she is recovering from a bad bout with the "flu." She has already phoned in to personally apologize to me for grabbing the karaoke microphone and blurting out employees' gross wages until being tackled off the stage by our crack intern, Tommy. Please let this episode pass into history quietly.
Sadly, my Executive Assistant, Alex Gorman has decided to pursue his career options elsewhere. I wanted you to know that in no way did this decision have anything to do with his preposterous biting-his-lower-lip-and-throwing-hands-over-his-head-while-exposing-his-naked-belly style of "dancing" he displayed at our company function for every song from Donna Summer's "Bad Girls" to Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler". We wish Alex all the best in his future elsewhere.
Once again, as in the pre-party memo, I'd like to mention that the supply closet is not a place to find out more about your coworkers. This is not what is meant by "the season of sharing."
A number of complaints were lodged about the type of food served at the party. While I'm the first to admit red spaghetti and green meatballs is not exactly an ideal food to be served as a fingers-only appetizer at an office party, I believe our catering staff was just trying to capture the spirit of the season.
Any of you who demanded bonuses from your truly after taking one too many trips to the punch bowl will be finding a nice surprise in this week's pay envelope. Please remember to leave tape dispensers, staplers, and other office supplies on company property before exiting the building.
Regarding the incident involving one of our board members being placed in the Paper Only recycling bin: it never happened.
If you are the staff member who hired the "entertainment" for our party, Marc Paul, Hypnotist/Ventriloquist/Animal Rights Activist, please see me today.
Whoever was shooting pictures of their backside on the office copier (and we're pretty sure we can identify who you are), this is a valuable piece of company property and not a toy to be used at your disposal. The cost to replace the glass plate on the Canon PF6000 is approximately $455, not including labor. Note to the wise: We have been laughing at your rear end for years now, we don't need a "take home" for our families and loved ones.
Once again, thank you all for coming, and for those of you who couldn't make it, I hope we will see you next year!
Please enjoy your holidays and have a safe and Happy New Year.
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