If the tour group will look closely at the eternal flame on the top of the monument you will notice that it is coming out of the top of an antique whiskey bottle. This is a faithful replica of the 160 proof whiskey bottle found lying beside the passed out sailor discovered on this hallowed ground over one hundred and six years ago.
The tomb itself, a classic example of American folk art, has withstood tornadoes, floods, and the occasional rock-throwing teen and continues to be one of the least visited Monuments in the National Park System.
Dedicated on October 28, 1906 and designated as a National Monument in 1924, the monument was erected to commemorate sailors who have fallen while on shore leave.
On that historic October day, five off-duty sailors came upon their collapsed comrade and set out to build a monument of empty beer cans and whiskey bottles around the body.
Had the sailor drunkenly stumbled and passed out before he could reach his ship or had he simply been trying to drown his sorrows in cheap hooch?
This might have been a question for the ages had the sailor not actually woken up during the construction and begged the others to stop.
Fortunately for us, the extraordinarily inebriated "construction crew "was reluctant to give up their task and simply acted as if they could not to hear his pleas. They quickly entombed their fellow sailor then left for an impromptu wake at a nearby pub.
As luck would have it the tomb's door was never completed and the captive sailor made a quick getaway into the night.
No one would ever learn his name.
The door to the tomb remains unfinished to this day.
If the group will turn your attention to the east side of the tomb, you will see a bas-relief of a sailor and a white angel. Observe how the angel is helping the sailor back onto the bar stool from which he has tumbled.
This is believed to be the work of Terrence D'Nupre, an overzealous sculptor who devoted his life to working on public art pieces for which he had not been commissioned. Crafted out of dozens of aspirin bottles, it's a fitting complement to the tomb itself.
As we come around the south side, we see a specially trained member of the 3rd United States Ocean Patrol, who has been tasked with guarding the monument 25 hours a day. (They insist that they go the extra hour.)
Please do not approach the guard as he is instructed to engage anyone within five feet of the monument in a verbal battle of profanity.
If you have binoculars handy, you will note the particular redness in the guard's eyes. Before coming to work, each elite member of the Patrol must report across the street to Meehan's Public House and rapidly drink five shots of whiskey in succession then follow it with a plate of steak and kidney pie. The guard must be physically thrown out of the establishment into a nearby mud puddle before his shift starts.
Even without binoculars you can observe the telltale dirt stains around the jacket and leggings and the "I-haven't-seen-a-woman-in-over-400-days" stare.
Ladies in the group will now appreciate our insistence on wearing false beards for the duration of their visit.
Notably, the celebrated artist Jackson Pollock designed the costumes worn by the Ocean Patrol during one of his numerous weeklong benders. The drip technique made famous by the painter can be seen as embroidery on the leggings, coat, and long cape. These costumes are exceptionally challenging to maintain and clean, a fact made more difficult as the inebriated guards are continually staining them with grass, blood, mud, and horse manure.
Here on the west side of the monument you can view an enormous plaque dedicated to the Little Known Sailor. Each line contains the name of a drinking establishment from which a sailor has been ejected while on shore leave. Even using an extremely small 3-point font, the plaque was filled by 1908, two short years after the monument's completion. Additional establishment names have been carved onto the granite wall you see to your left. The wall holds the record, at just over 10 miles, as the longest continuous granite wall in the world.
As we step around the south side of the tomb, and conclude our tour, we find the Tomb of the Little Known Sailor Pub and Gift Shoppe.
Here you will find countless varieties of delicious sandwiches and other "pub grub", commemorative souvenirs, and over 777 beers on tap.
I hope you've enjoyed your visit to Tomb of the Little Known Sailor National Monument, and we do hope to see you again soon.
Do please remember to tip your waitress and return your beards as you exit.
Thank you.
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