"Yodacrantz & Vaderstern Are Dead"

To put to rest anything the rumor mill may have already churned out, I wanted to take a moment to publicly announce that Martin Cornblum, one of our Sr. VPs, has left the Empire Finance Department, Death Star Accounting Division, to pursue other opportunities.

While many of you may have heard (and spread) rumors that Mr. Cornblum is leaving us to become CFO of Rebel Alliance LLC, at this point the administration is neither confirming nor denying this statement.

These rumors must come to a halt immediately.

I should like to point out, regardless of the whereabouts of our former Sr. VP, your work will not be affected in any way other than being without a team leader for a short period of time. Rest assured that this office is already seeking a qualified candidate for this vacant position and is looking into promoting from our own ranks or turning another senior level Accountant to the Dark Side.

I would like to remind each of you that we are still woefully under-financed for construction of the Death Star. Though passing crudely drawn pictures of Mr. Cornblum holding a light saber and dueling Lord Vader may be considered funny by some, it is frowned upon by our current administration. It is also taking attention away from the work at hand.

Please keep the fun and games to a minimum.

Might I remind you that the last time his Lordship came down to find out why his RC/489-2b form had been rejected (he was informed he didn't fill it out in triplicate), we ended up short one Director of Finance and two Auditors.

Lord Vader, you should know, is not a great advocate of "upward feedback".

On the subject of rumors, I would like to put a stop to the one that the Rebel Alliance is quickly amassing a superior AR/AP team to ours.

Absolutely false!

We still have an unheard of turnaround time of 15 days on all invoices and our Credits and Collections Team have an unprecedented 100% retrieval on all monies owed us by non-paying clients.

We have nothing to worry about from this ragtag band of Rebel Accountants.

While we are on the subject of "loose lips", the Death Star is not your personal highway to dating opportunities (and I'm speaking just to the gentlemen here). We are taking part in the construction of the greatest military weapon ever devised and our Empire's secret weapon. Please do not discuss its inadequate number of restrooms for a facility its size or its potential vulnerabilities just to score points with some Bothanian "hottie" at the cantina.

Do I really have to point these things out?

On another, but still important note, our monthly pot luck in the Dark Side Executive Meeting Room will be postponed until we locate the staff member who placed a yellow "The Force Is With Me!" post-it on the back of Admiral Ozzel.

Grow up, people.