"And now the weather report, with Weather Bob!"
"What's it like outside, Bob?"
"Well, Carol, as many of you Seattlites are already experiencing, it's raining outside.
We're getting the traffic snarls and hiccups you'd expect from this much continuous rain, so take it easy during your morning commute!
Here's the extended forecast for the rest of the week:
Thursday... Rain.
Friday... Rain.
Saturday... Rain.
Sunday... Rain.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that every day next week in Seattle is also going to be misting, drizzling, pouring rain, or storming.
Going a little farther out on the limb, I'm indicating that the entire month will be nothing but sprinkles, cloudbursts, scattered showers, downpours, thundershowers, and torrential, monsoon-like rains.
In my humble meteorological opinion, during the next six months, you, me, and everyone watching this station will see nothing but clouds and precipitation in the form of buckets of falling rain.
For Pete's sake!
People, tell me, why in the heck did we move here?
What were we thinking?!
I haven't seen the sun in MONTHS!
MONTHS, I tell you!
I've got that MAD, SAD, or whatever the heck you call it, when all you want to do is stay in bed all day and drink.
I need sun!
I swear last night I actually got out my old Paul Simon albums, put them on and just about wanted to slit my wrists, I was so depressed.
PAUL SIMON!
I would have, too, except that I knew the paramedics would have to drag my sorry body out into the deluge.
I'm a weatherman, people, and all I do is tell you about rain! Why the heck are so many of you tuning in day after day? What could you possibly expect?
Look out your window and tell me what you see?
RAIN? YES, RAIN!!
Rain coming down in torrents!!
I suppose I could let you know if the rain was cold or warm, so you could pick out just the perfect rain jacket, but honestly WHAT'S THE POINT?
Or did you expect that I, like the Eskimos and their snow, would come up with 100 words for rain?
In fact I have dozens of words for rain, but regrettably I'm not allowed to say any of them on network television.
I'm sick of me, and my gosh, you should be sick of me, too!!!
You know what? Tomorrow morning I'm going to come in here and tell everyone watching that it's going to be hot and sunny all day. Ha!
Want a laugh? Tell everyone in your office to tune into my weather report tomorrow and they'll get the weather report of their lives.
Then, when they show up at your office drenched to the bone in their short sleeves and espadrilles you can laugh...
HA!
HA HA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha.
Sigh.
Back to you, Barbara."
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