H O T T A L E N T
The Newsletter of Aquent's Available Talent
N O V E M B E R | 0 1 | 2 0 0 7
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IN THIS ISSUE:
Hot Talent
Featured Talent This Week
That Bit at the End - "And Whatever You Do, Don't Eat Them"
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HOT TALENT
Can November really be here already?
Seems we'd just gotten used to the sights, sounds, and yes, smells of the Rocktober season and it's already over.
Looks like we'll have to wait another year to be greeted each morning in our office by sleeping rock stars and the wafting smell of stale beer and cigarettes.
Some people set their Rocktober goals extremely high.
In the meantime, enjoy these incredible Aquent Talent to help this month start off with a bang and not a whimper.
And follow the links for profiles, samples, and resumes.
Enjoy!
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FEATURED TALENT THIS WEEK
Mary Jane O. - Art Director | Senior Designer
Marissa H. - Web & Print Designer
Juan V. - Marketing Project Manager
Esther G. - Proofreader
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Mary Jane O.
Art Director | Senior Designer
Mary Jane recently relocated back to Los Angeles from the East Coast, and we think you'll agree their loss is our gain!
A versatile and talented Designer and AD, her smart design style is as far reaching as her industry experience. Most recently running the art department at a direct mail company, she was responsible for conception and design of pieces as well as client interaction, scheduling, and organizing the department.
Her client list includes Lance Armstrong Foundation, Disney, Xerox, American Red Cross, Greater Boston Food Banks, USC Norris Cancer Center, and her stellar work includes direct mail, advertising collateral, identity, and just about anything else you can dream up.
Able to design and execute her own work as well as manage teams and processes, we know you're going to love her!
See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.
Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent
Professional Categories: Graphic Design, Art Direction, Creative Department Management
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Marissa H.
Web & Print Designer
Able to go from clean and corporate to trendy and fun in under 6.2 seconds, we'd like you to meet Marissa!
With her deft hand and design acumen, she's concepted and developed ads, Web sites, email blasts, presentations, identities, and more for satisfied clients all over Los Angeles. For Karma Foundation's exclusive events with Playboy, Maxim, and Stuff Magazine, she created and coded emails and landing pages and designed their eye-catching apparel graphics. For The Design Company, she led the design and development for over 50 sites, managing a team of Designers, Developers, and Project Managers to meet extremely tight deadlines and high client expectations.
But don't just take our word for it, check out her on-line Aquent profile!
Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent
Professional Categories: Art Direction, Web Design, Web Art Direction, Web Creative Direction, Graphic Design - Web
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Juan V.
Marketing Project Manager
Armed with a broad range of skills, Juan has a top blend of marketing, research, client service, and technical know-how.
Working in a variety of capacities at Microsoft, he most recently acted as liaison on events aimed at higher education consumers, researching data, measuring revenue and spend for programs, and editing marketing datasheets, planning guides, and other materials. As Project Manager in their Mobile Devices Group he helped manage the creation of a ground-breaking in-car entertainment system in partnership with the Ford Motor Company. At Warner Bros., he helped implement their SAP system, handling competitive research and managing promotions.
If you have a sinking project that needs bailing out or just want everything to go the right way the FIRST time...
Then call us about Juan!
See his on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.
Desired Work: Freelance & Permanent
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Esther G.
Proofreader
A Proofreader who tore through our extremely difficult proofreading assessment, Esther's got a client list as long as your arm.
Well, depending on how long your arm is.
For the last 10 years Esther's helped proofread, edit, copy write, research, develop editorial style guides and more for companies such as TechBooks/GTS, Pinkerton, Homestore.com, Mattel Media, Pioneer Digital Technologies, and Americast. As Senior Editor, Copywriter, and Tester at Time Warner Interactive, she wrote edited, and proofread product literature as well as testing of all their products!
Able to work in print, Web, or interactive, she's be the perfect addition to any fast-paced, dynamic team!
See her on-line Aquent profile by clicking here.
Professional Categories: Editing, Proofreading, Content Technical Writing, Proposal Editor, Content Editing
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THAT BIT AT THE END
"And Whatever You Do, Don't Eat Them"
Memo
To: All Agents Currently Assigned to USA
From: Your Supreme Commander
RE: Understanding and Using American-Specific Humor References
It has come to my attention that many Agents are in danger of "blowing your cover " (to use an Earth idiom) by your misuse of humorous references intrinsic to the American human population.
I cannot express strongly enough how important it is for you to understand ALL of the native terminology, particularly the ones related to humor, as the humans tend to drop their guard after a good laugh.
I would like to remind everyone that you ALL need to fit into these societies seamlessly if we are ever to completely dominate this planet.
Our crack research team has given us the following updated list of humorous expressions for your use. Please memorize this list, then destroy this document.
Note that these are for use with Americans, not Canadians.
Updated Humor References
[6853b in the Year of Yorba]
"You talkin' to me?" Overly used movie expression which indicates mock-psychosis. From the film Taxi Driver. You may use this in jest, not as an actual threat.
Hick. A person stereotyped as gun loving, racist, and/or having a low IQ, who may or may not live in a trailer. See also: REDNECK, HILLBILLY, BUMPKIN, CLODHOPPER, HAYSEED, RUBE, YOKEL
"I could've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids." Reference to the children's television show "Scooby Doo". Only to be used in jest. If you are currently assigned as a Gangsta, Thug, or Crime Boss, you are not to employ this expression should you be apprehended.
The Betty Ford Clinic. Drug rehabilitation hospital for celebrities and the very wealthy. See also: BILLY JOEL, MARY TYLER MOORE, KELSEY GRAMMER, JOHNNY CASH, JERRY LEE LEWIS, ANNA NICOLE SMITH, ELIZABETH TAYLOR, STEVIE NICKS, AND OZZY OSBOURNE
"Bad memories from P.E." Refers to Physical Education, a class given to American children in elementary and middle school. See also: DODGE BALL, THE NURSE'S OFFICE, WEDGIE, NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND
Rubber crutch. This is something you should not find funny.
"I see dead people." Movie catchphrase from the movie "The Sixth Sense". Mainly used when a human sees union film crews, politicians, or anyone watching a "period" English film. You should laugh when someone says it.
"You Want it When?" You will see this poorly copied cartoon prominently displayed whenever you go to an auto or hardware store or the Department of Motor Vehicles. Do not laugh when you see it, as it is not intended to be humorous. Do not point out that their business has a sign posted which illustrates their own poor service. See also: IRONY
Britney Spears. You just need to laugh and shake your head.
"Going straight to my hips!" Spoken after a female human has eaten a food product that is high in calories, referring to their own weight gain. You may smile after someone says this or validate with, "I hear that, sister!"
"Good enough for government work!" You may say this after you've done a particularly poor job and everyone will laugh.
"Working hard or hardly working?" Most Americans do not find this expression amusing, but when someone says it you should laugh anyway or the person who said it might hit you.
Please note these following deletions in your expression roster, due to overuse:
"Whaaasuppp?"
"My bad"
"You go, girl"
"Bling"
"Weapons of mass destruction"
As we have previously encountered with both Agent Carrot Top and Agent Gallagher, the American people do not consider our alien race (or Germans) inherently funny, please do not try to make a joke outright.
If you are with company and expected to make a joke, do not panic. Remember your training and add the phrase, "That's what she said" after somebody else finishes their sentence. This will work in most cases.
As a general rule of thumb (to borrow yet another American idiom), if the person to whom you are speaking SEEMS to be making a joke, you should laugh when they are done. You should laugh harder if it involves a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister and they are entering a bar, getting on an airplane, or are involved in a triple blind date.
Please note that any Agent failing to conform to their surroundings by the end of Q4 will be shipped back to our planet and eaten.
Thank you for your time.
That's what she said.
See? Works every time.
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Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Blogger | Stuff Coordinator
A Q U E N T
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Phone: 323 634 7000 | Fax: 323 954 8517
tdonnelly@aquent.com
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