"Loose Footings"

This Week: Putting Up A Wooden Fence

A fence not only adds interest to your back or front yard, it keeps what you want in and unwanted guests out. Though it may seem like a labor-intensive project, it doesn't have to be. Premade wood fences are widely available, and you can easily use post spikes instead of concrete to keep posts in place. For this project, I'll be showing you how to use good old trusty concrete.

Here's a list of tools you'll want to have on hand for this easy, DIY project:

- Sledgehammer
- Spirit Level
- Hammer
- Nails
- Measuring Tape
- Saw
- Posthole Digger

1) Choose site for fence. (For my fence, I picked a spot which would allow enough room for shrubs to go between the sidewalk and fence, about four feet, even though my wife insisted on 3, I'm fairly sure she'll never make it out here with her yardstick).

2) Choose your fence style. You'll need to go to a lumber store to do this. Don't go to one of those huge "box" hardware stores; chances are if you actually ever do find someone to help you, you'll end up bringing home a new washer and dryer, too. Thus, significantly raising the cost of the project.

3) Set materials nearby on the driveway. Do NOT set the wood where oil has been dripping from the minivan.

4) Go into shed to get saw, spirit level, measuring tape, nails, posthole digger, and hammer.

5) Wonder where saw is.

6) Call your friend who you're pretty sure you loaned saw to. Leave urgent message for him to call you back. Ask him where he's watching the game today.

7) Try to imagine how you're going to get this project done without a saw.

8) Contemplate going to huge "box" hardware store.

9) Tell wife, who is yelling out the window, No, you are not done. You have not even started.

10) Wonder why your wife isn't making you lemonade and bringing it out to you like they do on old TV shows.

11) Locate hacksaw and decide that will do until friend calls you back. Place with rest of tools.

12) Dig first posthole 24 inches into ground with posthole digger.

13) Try to figure out why you didn't soak the ground last night to make it easier to dig postholes.

14) Remember Angelina Jolie movie, pizza, and nice single malt scotch.

15) Smile.

16) Get ready to mix concrete.

17) Wonder what happened to the concrete mix.

18) Go to huge "box" hardware store to buy concrete mix.

19) Purchase concrete mix, new fire extinguisher, pressure washer, and 100-pack of AAA batteries.

20) Kick yourself on drive home for not buying saw.

21) Tell wife you are nowhere near done. Please close the window so the kids won't hear cursing.

22) Look at watch.

23) Curse.

24) Move tools and materials onto driveway.

25) Maneuver minivan over everything to hide from would-be thieves.

26) Tell wife you'll be back out to finish once the game is over.

Next Week: Removing Motor Oil from Fence Pieces