"Naval Gazing"

As we come through the turnstile you'll be able see the spectacular Tomb of the Little Known Sailor.

If the tour group will look closely at the eternal flame on the top of the monument you will notice that it is coming out of the top of an antique whiskey bottle. This is a faithful replica of the 160 proof whiskey bottle found lying beside the passed out sailor found on this hallowed ground one hundred and six years ago.

The tomb itself, a classic example of American folk art, has withstood tornadoes, floods, and the occasional mean-spirited rock-throwing teen and continues to be one of the lowest visited National Monuments in the National Park System.

Dedicated on October 28, 1906 and designated as a National Monument in 1924, the monument was erected to commemorate sailors who have fallen while on shore leave. On that historic October day, 5 off-duty sailors came upon their collapsed comrade and set out to build a monument of empty beer cans and whiskey bottles around the body.

Had the sailor fallen before he could reach his ship or had he simply been trying to drown his sorrows in liquor?

This might have been a question for the ages had the sailor not actually woken up during the construction and begged the others to stop.

Fortunately for us, the inebriated makeshift construction crew was reluctant to give up their task and simply acted as if they could not to hear his pleas. They quickly entombed their fellow sailor then left for an impromptu wake at a nearby pub.

As luck would have it the tomb's door was left unlocked and the captive sailor made a quick getaway into the night.

No one would ever learn his name.

And the door to the tomb remains unlocked to this day.

If the group will turn your attention to the east side of the tomb, you will see a bas-relief of a sailor and a white angel. Observe how the angel is helping the sailor back onto the bar stool off which he has tumbled. This is believed to be the work of Terrence D'Nupre, an overzealous sculptor who devoted his life to working on pieces for which he had not been commissioned.  Crafted out of dozens of aspirin bottles, it's a fitting complement to the tomb itself.

As we come around the south side, we see a specially trained member of the 3rd United States Ocean Patrol, who has been tasked with guarding the monument 25 hours a day (they insist that they go the extra hour).

Please do not approach the guard as he is instructed to engage anyone within five feet of the monument into a verbal battle of profanity.

If you have binoculars handy, you will note the particular redness in the guard's eyes. Before reporting to work, each elite member of the Patrol must go across the street to Meehan's Public House for five shots of whiskey drunk in quick succession and followed by a plate of steak and kidney pie. The guard is physically thrown out of the establishment into an awaiting mud puddle before his shift can start.

Even without binoculars you can observe the telltale dirt stains around the jacket and leggings and the "I haven't seen a woman in over 365 days" stare.

Notably, the celebrated artist Jackson Pollock designed costumes worn by the Ocean Patrol during one of his numerous weeklong benders. The drip technique made famous by the painter can be seen as embroidery on the leggings, coat, and long cape. The costumes are extremely difficult to maintain and clean, a fact not made easier by the inebriated guards are incessantly staining them with grass, blood, mud, and horse manure.

Here on the west side of the monument is an enormous plaque dedicated to the Little Known Sailor. Each name listed is a drinking establishment from which a sailor has been ejected while on shore leave. Even using an extremely small 7-point font, the plaque was filled by 1908, two short years after the monument's completion. Additional establishment names have been carved onto the granite wall you see to your left. The wall holds the record, at just over 10 miles, as the longest continuous granite wall in the world.

As we step around the south side of the tomb, and conclude our tour, we find the Tomb of the Little Known Sailor Pub and Gift Shoppe.

Here you will find countless varieties of delicious sandwiches and other "pub grub", commemorative souvenirs, and over 77 beers on tap.

I hope you've enjoyed your visit to Tomb of the Little Known Sailor National Monument and we do hope to see you again soon.

Please remember to tip your waitress.