H O T P O U L E T
A Newsletter
A P R I L | 1 | 2 0 0 6
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IN THIS ISSUE:
Hot Talent
Featured Pets This Week
That Pet at the End
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HOT TALENT
Well, we've gone and done it.
After over 113 years of providing excellent Talent to our clients all over the world, Aquent has sold our business and (as of April 2006) will become a wholly owned subsidiary of the renowned Swiss company BrokenPets4Less, LLC.
Though their primary business has previously been selling slightly damaged or substandard household pets, we are sure BrokenPets4Less will continue to meet or exceed the levels of customer service you've come to expect from Aquent.
Plus, you will now get a deep discount on cockatiels with every order.
As our way of introduction, we're having their Marketing team this last Hot Talent Newsletter, before the transition is complete.
Follow the links for pets, pets, and more pets!
Woof!
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FEATURED PETS THIS WEEK
Fescue - Amazon Blue Front Female
Buster - Golden Retriever
Frodo - Green Iguana
Bobby - Wolf Hybrid
Beaky - International Bird of Mystery
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Fescue
Amazon Blue Front Female
This 5-year old very colorful Amazon Blue Front loves to laugh.
Sometimes with you, sometimes at you. She's so unpredictable!
Raised in an "End of the World" cult by a single mother, this bird is usually quite tame, but not particularly good around men or small children (the latter of which she will try to carry off by the hair if not closely supervised). Equipped with an exceptionally high vocabulary, Fescue will convey hour upon hour of information pertaining to the ending of world on February 24th, 2006.
(Please note that if you purchase this bird, you may not inform her that February 2006 has come and gone.)
A great pet for those who like to live in the past!
See her on-line BrokenPets4Less profile!
Skills: High vocabulary, ball playing, light typing
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Buster
Golden Retriever
Raised alongside other pets and in a loving, but very busy household, Buster is an affectionate dog who loves nothing more than to play!
Buster's slight stuttering problem when he barks excitedly (sounds like "B-b-b-b-bow wow") is not an issue except around other dogs or heckling children. We must also mention that although comfortable around most people and other animals, Buster is terrified of Statue of Liberty replicas, blue liquids, newspapers, high-pitched laughter, textbooks, doorbells, and Michael Flatley. He is also allergic to wool, linen, and cotton, and has been diagnosed as a "heroic snorer".
A fantastic pet for shut-ins who don't hear so well.
See his on-line BrokenPets4Less profile!
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Frodo
Green Iguana
Frodo is a truly magnificent male Green Iguana, with bright green and red highlights.
Born with only one small defect, the inability to stay right side up, Frodo loves to bob his head, extend his dewlap, and play the day away, all while swaying precariously on the bottom of his perch. You'll be endlessly surprised at the numbers of things he can do upside down! (Draw blood for one.)
If you love unusual pets with even more unusual affectations, he's the one for you!
See his on-line BrokenPets4Less profile!
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Bobby
Wolf Hybrid
Love the Earth? Own a hybrid!
A great dog for both hunting and high tea, Bobby is part wolf, part Teacup poodle, and all dog!
Standing a mere 9 inches in height and bursting with the rugged good looks of a wolf, this is a terrific choice for anyone who loves the outdoors, but lives in a small city apartment. We can assure that you'll never pine away for the open plains after just one night of Bobby's melodic howling.
Once you place this little fellow by your teacup, you'll be darn sure no one will come near it!
See his on-line BrokenPets4Less profile!
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Beaky
International Bird of Mystery
Raised by the CIA during the cold war to repeat Russian spy secrets back to American Agents, Beaky is a true American Patriot!
An affectionate Harlequin Macaw, Beaky is energetic, captivating, and loves to eavesdrop on important conversations that you've been dying to overhear. A great pet for a Wall Street broker, big business person, or anyone who is just plain old nosey.
Beaky also tells quite a few Howie Mandel jokes, which is why the CIA offices had to finally part with him.
Only likes men with beards and/or mustaches.
See his on-line BrokenPets4Less profile!
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THAT PET AT THE END
It happened a little after 8pm on that fateful Tuesday. My girlfriend and I were sitting on our couch watching TV and relaxing. Ziggy, my African grey parrot watched along with us, squawking happily.
It was not until I heard Ziggy say, "I love you, Gary," that I noticed something was amiss.
I looked at Ziggy. "What did you say?" I asked him.
"I love you, Gary," he repeated.
"It's Terry, Ziggy. My name is Terry."
Ziggy rolled his eyes. I'd raised him from a chick over 8 years ago, and lately he'd taken to calling me Gary. I looked over at Becky, who was caught up in American Idol.
"Did you hear what Ziggy just called me? He called me Gary."
"Oh," was her reply. The fact didn't seem to bump her at all.
But something was fishy. Gary was the name of one of Becky's coworkers at the call center she'd been hanging around a lot lately.
"Gary's the name of that friend of yours from your office, right?" I asked her.
"Yep," she said, her eyes never leaving the image of Simon Cowell.
"Doesn't it seem strange that this bird is saying, 'I love you Gary' instead of, 'I love you Terry?'"
"I guess."
I went over to Ziggy and looked at him a moment.
"Tell me everything, Ziggy," I asked, stroking his feathers lovingly. But he'd already gone dumb and was trying to look around me. One of his favorite contestants was back on and I was blocking his view. "Tell me what you know and I'll let you watch the end of the show."
Ziggy looked uncomfortable and ruffled his feathers. I wasn't moving. Ziggy wasn't blinking. The contestants sang on and the bird was becoming more and more irritated with every passing moment.
"Move," Ziggy said.
"No," I replied.
I tried to stay far enough away so that if he lashed out, I could evade his razor sharp beak. But I was going to get to the bottom of this.
Was Becky having an affair with Gary and the only clue available was locked away in my own parrot? If so, I needed to find out now, before this relationship went any further.
Now my African grey was bobbing, a sure sign of irritation, but I wasn't going to let him have his way.
"Out of the way, meathead!" he squawked.
"Forget it, I'm not going anywhere." I grabbed him gently around the throat. "Tell me."
He looked at me with a sidelong glance and then began to feign a heart attack and calling out, "I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!" Which was something he'd seen Red Foxx do countless times on Sanford and Sons.
Only this time he actually fell to the floor. I rushed down to him.
"Ziggy! Are you alright? Can you hear me, Ziggy?!"
He opened one weary eye.
"I'm not well, Gary. Not well at all."
"It's okay, Ziggy. Don't worry. Dammit, Becky, get the medicine kit!" I called out to get her moving. Becky finally took her eyes off the TV, yelled out, 'Oh my gosh," and rushed away.
Ziggy's eye closed and then opened a bit. He struggled to open his beak.
"Becky... Becky..." he fought to pronounce the words.
"Yes?"
"...and Gary," he sputtered.
"Yes!?" Now my ears were ringing from the sound of blood rushing to them.
"Are having..."
"YES?"
"Are having..."
"OUT WITH IT!!!" I could contain myself no longer. That cheating two-timer!
"Your surprise birthday party at the Acapulco Restaurant Friday."
And then he closed his eyes. And was gone.
Becky rushed into the room with a glass of water and an aspirin and just looked at me.
I looked back at her. And thought about all the work she'd been doing for my birthday.
And how she and that rotten Gary killed my parrot.
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APRIL FOOLS INFO
If you think everything in this newsletter is absolutely false, congratulations. We're a day early and a dollar short of April Fool's Day, but thought you might like a treat.
If you don't want to receive any more of these newsletters, please reply with the word "remove" in the subject line.
And of course, we'd love to hear your feedback!
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Tim Donnelly
Propagandist | Fool | Stuff Coordinator
BrokenPets4Less
"We increase a pet's internal capacity to execute barking, growling, and flying"
6100 Wilshire Blvd. | Suite 410 | Los Angeles, CA 90048
323.634.7000 | 323.954.8517 (fax)
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