"Blogmento"

You'll have to bear with me on this, I'm blogging from my phone at Ralph's Grocery Store.

I have been here what seems like forever and now I am lost, lost, lost...

Aisle 3: Bread, Chips, Snacks, New Age Beverages.

New Age Beverages? What are those?

I came in here to get soda for my Poker Night and I am being driven crazy by the way they categorize these aisles. Do you suppose, for once, they could do something smart and make a national classification system (ala the Dewey Decimal System) for grocery stores? Just so you wouldn't have to wander through a dozen aisles then back again looking for Diet Yoo-hoo?

This just in: New Age Beverages are Perrier and Jolt.

Hurrah for the New Age with its crystals, pantheists, and zany beverages.

Soda. Soda.

I'm on Aisle 4: Frozen Foods, and still no sign of the soda.

Have you noticed the variety of frozen pizzas currently available? It takes up two whole freezer sections. Rising pizza, cheeseless pizza, microwavable pizza, quinoa pizza, Mexican pizza.

Mexican pizza? Oh, it's got chipotle chilies.

Right. Mexican pizza.

I just asked someone who was counting frozen pizzas where the soda was, but apparently he doesn't work here. He is wearing a uniform and counting pizzas in the frozen section, how could it be he doesn't work here?

And, more importantly, how can I get a job like his? Great job to have in the summer, I bet.

Oh, jeez, here comes Bob from Finance...

:(

I had to tell him I'm on my lunch. My lunch, Bob! Mine! I might as well ask you how you got out of your Thursday morning meeting.

So what if I'm taking an early lunch? I'm getting pizza for my Poker Night!

Wonder what kind of pizza the guys want?

Cheeseless looks good. Huh, Mexican pizza. I wonder what's on it?

Yum, chipotles.

Perfect. Done!

:)

Just asked some guy counting the pizzas where the checkout was. Bizarre, not only did he not know, he looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo.

Well "dude", you've just made it into my blog via my Blackberry, see how you like that!

>;->

Oh, shoot, here comes Bob from Finance. What's he doing here? Well, he's certainly not going to interfere with me buying food for Poker Night, I'll tell you that.

You know, Bob always gives me attitude when I say hi to him. I don't know why I bother doing it at all.

:-o

I don't know who the heck just threw these pizzas in my cart, but it's not funny. Now I have to get by this guy loading up pizzas in the freezer to put these babies back.

And then go pick up some chipotles for Poker Night.

Aren't chipotles just smoked jalapenos? Where do you suppose they put them at Ralph's, in the Ethnic Food or Canned Vegetables aisles? Since they're not technically a vegetable (are they?), maybe they're considered "ethnic". (How is it Irish isn't considered ethnic anymore? What's the cutoff for being considered ethnic?)

You know what'd be great? If they invented some system so you could find any food item in any store across the nation.

Dill pickles: Aisle 17! Crenshaw Melons: Aisle 2!

That'd be fantastic. I could probably make a million bucks inventing something like that.

They could call it the Foodie Decimal System.

Shoot, I'm going to have to ask this pizza stacker where I can find the pokers for my Fireplace Night. Can't make a fire without pokers.

I don't know why the heck I ever decided to throw a Fireplace Night in the first place. Why do I let people talk me into this stuff?

>:\

I'll have to upload pictures of this angry pizza stacker when I get back to the office (btw, just saw Bob from Finance wandering down aisle 14. Wonder how he got out?) Anyway, Mr. Pizza just shouted a stream of expletives you would not believe and I refuse to repeat on this public blog.

That must be the worst job in the world, right? Probably makes him furious, stacking frozen pizzas all day. (BTW, they've got like a hundred different kinds now, chipotle, quinoa, cheeseless. Really crazy stuff. The Mexican pizza is loaded with chipotles.)

It might just be that guy, you know? Pizza stacking actually sounds like a job I'd get a kick out of. Great summer job.

And you know what? He didn't have a clue where the fireplaces would be.

Can't find a thing at this store.

I wonder if Bob over there knows.